The Futile Repent
by VeiledElegance
Summary: Haruka is an ex-Shinigami who is starting her life over in the World of the Living, but not without the help of a certain shopkeeper who is now looking for a return of favor. She finds her life turning upside down while attempting to watch over the shopkeeper's latest stowaway. Rated M for strong language, violence, tragic situations, and lemony content. Grimmjow x OC
1. Chapter 1

_/* Hello! Welcome to the first fanfic I've written in years! I've always wanted to do a Grimmjow fic, but was always hesitant due to a fear of getting his personality right. I've decided to give it a shot. Some warnings: this fic contains strong language, violence, a lot of angst, and some lemony goodness (not until later). This is a GrimmjowxOC pairing. I tried to make things as accurate to the Bleach world as possible; that said, there may be a few minor things changed to make it work. My goal is for weekly updates, but no guarantee! (life is crazy right now) Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or any of their characters. I did create a few OCs for this fic. All names of OCs were randomly selected and any connection to those existing in real life is purely coincidental. Thanks for reading! */_

* * *

" _Haruka-chan."_ _His voice was gentle and weak. The young woman with long violet hair and equally vibrant eyes did not look at him, couldn't look at him._

" _Yes?" She returned while continuing her work. As a member of squad four, she was often talked down to. Here was different. She was chosen single handedly by Lord Aizen to assist in his work. This would be for the good of all of soul society. That was what he had told her and she believed it wholeheartedly. She believed in him with everything she was._

" _It hurts today." He had become so fragile. Each day that Lord Aizen called upon her to heal his injuries, he seemed a little closer to death. It was heartbreaking. This man, whom she was destined to be with for the rest of her life, was dying and she couldn't help him. But she had to do what Lord Aizen told her. He was all that mattered._

 _A painful grunt caused her to look up at him. His face was bright. It always seemed to glow when she was in his presence. Maybe that was why she just couldn't look at him anymore._

" _I'm sorry. I'll try to ease the pain." She soothed while looking away._

" _It hurts." He repeated, his voice a bit more strained._

" _Just be still." She insisted, trying to remain cold and indignant._

" _It hurts!" His voice started changing. It was a ragged sound that tore at her ear drums._

" _Please be still!" It was then she looked at his face again. His hands flew up, scraping away skin as he continued to scream._

" _It hurts! It hurts! Haruka-chan, it hurts!"_

 _Panic filled her as she took a few steps back. "What's happening?"_

 _He continued to scream as blood poured from the wounds he was creating. He dug at his face, gouging his own eyes and spilling his lifeforce._

" _It hurts!"_

 _A flash of white appeared under his skin, a perfect ivory white._

" _I'm sorry." She muttered, scared. Tears started falling as pain closed around her heart._

" _It hurts!_

 _His voice was morphing, becoming something haunting._

" _I'm so sorry."_

* * *

She managed to catch the scream erupting from her throat in time as she flew up in her bed. _"A nightmare."_ She thought as she glanced around the room. Everything was as it should be.

A gentle breeze was blowing in from the open window, cooling her damp skin. The lavender-colored comforter was draped across her lap, acting as an anchor. She pressed her palm against her fevered brow while trying to erase the images burned there. It wasn't just a nightmare. It was a memory.

The clock on her nightstand was bright with red numbers reading '3:00.' The light of the moon shining through the open window dimmed the obnoxious glaring digits. She sighed, tossing her head back with her arms outstretched, allowing the mattress to consume her. The 'thwack' sound of the pillow was deafening in the silence of the night. She stared at the ceiling, counting the tiny imperfections; still only eight.

The swishing of curtains against the breeze along with her quiet solace was almost enough to drift her back to sleep. It would have been enough, if the harsh ringing of her phone at her bedside didn't invade her space. She twisted her head enough to see the screen, bright and irritating. She reached over and pulled the phone to her ear, her eyes still staring at the ceiling.

"Hello?" She already knew what it was going to be about. "I'll be right there."

The drive to Karakura Town Hospital was about fifteen minutes from her small apartment on the outskirts. It wasn't ideal, but it was the best way to stay as off the radar as much as possible. It did leave too much time to think, however. It left too much time to remember.

" _Aizen-sama?" Her voice was small. It was always small when speaking in his presence. She used to have a voice; a very long time ago._

" _I no longer have any use for you." There was no sympathy in his tone, no regret. Where once she revered him, now she knew just how evil he was. He had used her and he did not care._

" _B-but, Aizen-sama…"_

" _I will give you the opportunity to leave now as a courtesy, before I introduce your replacement." He turned and began walking out of the room with his newest toy at his side. The red-headed girl stopped and turned. Her eyes were big, covered slightly by strands of stray hair._

" _I'm sorry." She said meekly._

 _Aizen stopped and tilted his head towards her. "Come, Orihime Inoue." She hesitated for only a moment more before following Aizen out. She was lucky he was such a patient man; always patient for what he wanted._

The bright lights of the emergency vehicles brought her back to her reality. She parked quickly in the employee lot closest to the emergency department and sprang from her vehicle. She sprinted inside, tempted to use shunpo, but knowing better.

"I'm here!" She announced upon entering. There were three victims lying on stretchers in consecutive rooms. The curtains were open, allowing for her to see the devastation.

"Akiyama-san! This one over here is the worst!" A nurse called out. She ran to the farthest victim. It was a child, no older than ten, lying unconscious on the bed.

"What happened?" Haruka asked as she went to work immediately. She glanced over at the end of the bed, the soul of the young girl sat crying. " _It hurts."_ She cried quietly.

Haruka swallowed before looking back at the mangled body. "It was a car accident. The girl was crossing the street and the car swerved to miss her. The driver and passenger of the vehicle are also in pretty bad shape." The nurse answered.

"In the middle of the night?" Haruka questioned.

"Apparently she snuck out of the house." The nurse shrugged before working to cut the girl's pajamas free from her tiny body.

"Akiyama-san." The director's voice always cut through her, no matter the situation. It was cold and calculating.

"Ishida-sensei, I need a room." Haruka responded. He nodded before taking the head of the stretcher. Haruka grasped the bottom where the little girl's soul sat, still faintly linked to the body. The director guided the bed into a spare room off to the side. As soon as the stretcher was in place, he walked towards the door. He glanced back at her only momentarily before leaving, locking the door behind him.

"It's going to be ok." Haruka said to the end of the bed. The tiny soul turned and looked at her with wide eyes.

 _"I'm scared."_ Her bottom lip trembled as the threads tying her to her body quickly unravelled, her chain weakening.

"It will be ok. I promise I'm going to help you." She smiled, a bright reassuring gesture that seemed to relax the spirit. She turned her attention to the frail little body and started focusing on her kido. She could feel the barrier that the director had erected around the room, blocking out any sign of her reiatsu as she exerted her kido spells on the broken human.

Healing the physical body was a bit different from healing a soul, but she had become skilled at it over the time she spent working at the hospital as a nurse. She had saved more lives than the doctors and had quickly become the 'miracle nurse' everyone asked for. It was a title Urahara had warned against.

Sweat began dripping from her brow as her gigai started feeling strained against the intensity of reiatsu being used. She took deep breaths, focusing on healing the wounds. A pang of relief lifted her as she saw the connection between soul and body strengthen.

" _Something is pulling me!"_ The soul shrieked.

"Don't fight it!" Haruka urged. "Let it take you."

She watched as the soul was pulled back into the body by the thickened chain. The little girl's eyes fluttered and opened. A look of shock morphed her features. "Rest, little one." Haruka whispered on a strained voice before placing her hand on the girl's forehead. She used a kido spell, knocking the girl unconscious once again.

When all signs of her reiatsu diminished, the barrier was lifted and the door opened. "Ishida-sensei, I'm ready for the next patient."

* * *

When all lives were out of danger, Haruka was finally able to sneak into the break room. She grimaced at the old pot of coffee sitting on the burner and opted for some tea instead. "Are you sure you wish to continue this? You will eventually draw too much attention to yourself." The director was always silent when moving about.

"I want to help people." She replied while turning to face him. "Everybody should have a second chance at life."

"That is not how God imagined it." He returned.

"Then why are you helping me?" She asked with a slight smirk tugging at her lips. At heart, Ryuken Ishida was a doctor and doctors strove to save lives.

"I have my reasons." He shrugged.

"Well, I've already been lectured by Urahara, so I'd rather not have to get it from you, too." She turned back to the counter to finish preparing her tea. The little curls of steam were a warm invitation to a bit of relaxation.

He sneered at the mention of Urahara. "I'm hoping he is still aware of our arrangement?"

"Urahara is aware of everything." She twisted around again and pressed her back against the counter. She took a long sip of the hot liquid and sighed.

He averted his gaze, looking bored. "Do not attract shinigami to my hospital. You know how they hate it when someone starts messing with the balance."

"I'm certain that the shinigami have much more important things to worry about than a simple exile saving a few lives here and there." Haruka waved her free hand absentmindedly, growing annoyed at the conversation.

Dr. Ishida snorted indignantly before moving towards the door. "I'm assuming you will be staying for your entire shift? I don't have the staff for you to be making your own hours."

"I will be staying, _sensei._ " She rolled her eyes as he left. She took another long sip of tea and sighed around the pulse of heat. "It's going to be a long day."

Her shift had dragged on. She had her fill of catching puke and wiping up blood for the day. After the car accident, there had been only one other life threatening incident. It was an elderly man who was suffering from respiratory failure due to lung cancer. She had decided to not involve herself in that one despite her heart clenching at the sight of the mourning family. The man was suffering as it was. It might have been possible for her to remove the malformation and heal the damage of the lungs, but humans were not meant to live forever. That and she was already drawing enough attention to herself as it was. " _Best to not aggravate it further."_ She thought. Her other patients of the day were humans with colds, broken bones, or simple lacerations. They were easy enough to treat with traditional human medicine.

The automated doors slid open, inviting a rush of hot, sticky air to bombard her. A few strands of purple hair fell free from the tie, sticking to her forehead. Despite the air conditioned space, she still managed to break a sweat between running around and using her kido.

She stretched her limbs one last time under the bright lamp before moving towards the parking lot. Her eyes were strained from exhaustion; her legs were the consistency of jelly; and all she wanted to do was go home and sleep.

"Hey, girl!" A deep voice called out to her from a dark corner tucked at the side of the hospital.

"Not interested." She answered without stopping. Before she could get to her car, however, two tall men stopped in front of her. The dark fabric of their suits looked expensive and matched their equally dark shoes. They both wore sunglasses, despite it being eight at night.

Haruka glared at them, her violet eyes looking deadly in the bright moonlight that was coming up over the horizon.

"I don't take no for an answer." The man in the corner walked out from the looming shadow the hospital cast upon him. He was a bit shorter than his two counterparts and a bit chunkier too. He wore a similar suit, but his had pinstripes running down it. He wore a wide brim hat that fell just below his thick brow. His smile was wicked.

Haruka turned her glare on him, not at all amused at being held up after a nearly seventeen hour shift. "There's a first for everything." She retorted.

The man's smile twisted into a grimace. "You're the miracle nurse, right?" He pulled his sunglasses off, revealing a pair of dark eyes that immediately spoke of the man's intent. He pushed the brim of his hat up on his brow with a single finger as he looked Haruka up and down. "I have a job for you." He continued when she didn't answer.

"I'm not interested." She replied again.

"I'm in a pretty dangerous business and my...employees tend to get hurt on the job. My boss would like for you to be our company's nurse." His smile grew wide again.

"I am _not_ interested." Haruka's annoyance was growing, like a flame licking at dry kindling, and these idiots were just throwing on more parched branches.

The big guy's smile distorted once again, his emotion as readable as a good novel. "I told you, honey, I don't take no for an answer…" His two goons started moving up, towering over her. She sighed, knowing exactly where this was going to go. Her tired limbs and achy muscles would make this more of a chore, but she did need the practice…

"Is there a problem here?" Ryuken Ishida had his left hand wrist deep in his pocket while he tugged a cigarette from his lips with his right. His silver hair shimmered in the light of the moon. A dusty aura surrounded him as he exhaled a cloud of smoke. The swooshing of his white coat and his reverberating footfalls were all that anyone heard as the men stood at a standstill. "Akiyama-san?"

"No, sensei. I was just heading home when I was stopped by these gentlemen." Haruka answered.

"And I'm certain there is very little business three men like yourselves could possibly have with my nurse at this hour." Dr. Ishida took another inhale of smoke before exhaling it in their direction.

"We were just leaving." The chunky man said as he signaled for his lackys to follow him.

"Thanks." Haruka said after the three had left.

"You should have security walk you to your car from now on." He said as he took the last drag of his cigarette and tossed it to the pavement.

"Probably not a bad idea." She mentioned. "Goodnight, Ishida-san."

He grunted in response before turning back towards the hospital, but not before watching his nurse get in her car and drive away.


	2. Chapter 2

Her feet felt like lead weights, aching and dragging. " _Why does my apartment have to be three floors up?"_ She half wondered if she was wearing out her gigai or just getting more and more out of shape. There was only so much training she could do while working full time and trying to stay off the grid. She would use Urahara's training ground if there wasn't such a high risk someone would stumble upon her. He had a tendency to take in a lot of freeloaders.

When she finally made it to her door, she pressed her tired face against the cool surface. It felt refreshing against the stifling apartment building air. After a moment or two, she pulled her keys free from her scrub pocket and found the one to her door. She pressed it in and turned, immediately pausing as her stomach twisted with anxiety. " _Did I forget to lock the door?"_

It was possible, seeing as she had left half asleep at three in the morning. Something didn't feel right. She kept her hand on the door handle as her eyelids lowered and she reached out, feeling for reishi. There were two, one sneaky presence lounging on her couch and another vibrant blue ransacking her kitchen. It was the second one that had her heart leaping into her throat.

She flung open the door and stomped into her living room. "Urahara!"

"My, my, Akiyama-chan, you're so noisy at this hour." He was laying on his back with his hat on his face. "You sure do work long hours."

"What is going on?" Haruka was in a near panic. "What is _he_ doing here!?" She pointed towards the kitchen where a certain blue-haired Espada, or ex-Espada, stood leaning against the door frame.

"Oi, you got nothing to eat in this joint." He mentioned as if this was all so ordinary.

"Urahara, if you are doing what I think you are doing…"

"Now, now, Akiyama-san, don't be so serious." Urahara half-laughed as he got to his feet, his clogs clanking against the wood floors.

"I am not housing him here!"

"Tch, if she's going to be this bitchy then I'll find my own place." Grimmjow shrugged.

"Good, go. I'm not living with one of Aizen's Espada." She crossed her arms in a huff.

"I ain't one of Aizen's!" Grimmjow growled.

"Wait a minute, now." Urahara moved in front of Grimmjow causing an irritated grimace to form. "Akiyama-san, I thought that this would be a good match. You two both hate Aizen. There's something in common." Haruka's eyes shifted to the wall and her demeanor fell slightly. "And I am asking this as a favor. I think you could spare this one little inconvenience. Afterall, I did provide you a rent free apartment for six months, a free gigai, a job interview…"

"Ok, ok." Haruka sighed. "I get it. I owe you a lot. Fine, but he sleeps on the couch!"

"Wonderful!" Urahara exclaimed as he clapped his hands together. Grimmjow's irritation faded and boredom quickly replaced it. That man couldn't just sit still and lie low. What was Urahara thinking?

"How long is this arrangement supposed to last?" She asked as the sneaky shop owner moved to the door.

"I'll be in touch." He smiled. It was an expression she was well acquainted with by now. It meant he had no idea. "Sayonara!"

The door slammed shut and all that remained were an exiled shinigami and a former Espada staring at one another.

The electric blue stare washed over Haruka and caused goosebumps to unintentionally erupt along her skin. He was as she remembered him, tall and intimidating. His defining muscle mass was easily distinguishable through his black tee-shirt. His strength rivaled that of his attitude. She remembered him from back then. She remembered how Aizen used to taunt him and he was powerless against it. It must have infuriated him.

"You were Aizen's pet healer." He mentioned, finally breaking the silence. His hands were stuffed in his pockets, the only thing missing from his familiar ensemble being that mask fragment on his face.

She sneered at his comment. She chose to ignore it. "Urahara gave you a gigai?"

"What's it to you?" A small smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth.

"Do you choose to be an asshole or is it just a permanent part of your personality?" She scoffed while moving into the living room.

The air shifted and so did she. She found herself pinned against a wall with a very powerful Arrancar inches from her face. "Don't forget who you're talking to." He growled.

She swallowed hard while attempting to push away her fear. An image flashed in her mind of Grimmjow's arm impaled through Luppi. She remembered watching Orihime Inoue's introduction, unable to resist her curiosity before fleeing from Las Noches. She had healed Grimmjow's destroyed arm. It was an ability no shinigami should have, let alone a human. It was then Haruka knew she would not be able to compete.

She continued to glare at him with those bright violet pools. His sapphire gaze held such a deadly intent. He was reckless and very dangerous. Yet, she was as stubborn as they came. She would not back down. But, he had to know she was afraid. If her silence didn't speak it, her trembling certainly did.

Suddenly, his displeased frown pulled into an amused grin. "You're a brave little kitten." His hand slid up her arm, calloused fingers scraping along her delicate skin. They brushed along her shoulder, causing her to tense up before he pulled at a loose strand of hair. He moved his head closer, his lips a mere whisper from her ear. "But I can still feel you tremble."

A strange mixture of utter terror and excitement ran down her spine. He was intoxicating, an overwhelming presence that she was completely unprepared for. She had to do something before he swallowed her whole.

"I'm not your toy to play with, Grimmjow." She scowled and he pulled back, amusement still lighting his features. It was quite obvious that he disagreed, but surprisingly, he relented. He stuffed his hands back in his pockets before turning and moving towards the window.

"Where are you going?" She demanded.

"To find something to eat." He responded, boredom apparent in his tone.

"You can't just leap out of the window, Grimmjow, you're going to attract attention to yourself!" She ran up and grasped his arm, pulling him back into the apartment which he very obviously allowed. "And how are you going to pay for food? Did Urahara give you money?"

"Money?" Irritation was starting to show on his face. From what she knew about him, Grimmjow was a simple man who did what he wanted when he wanted. He didn't like playing by the rules.

"Of course he didn't." She grumbled and then sighed. "Come on, we can stop at the corner store and I'll buy you a bento box." She dragged herself back towards the door and slipped her shoes back on. "And maybe buy myself a bento box." She mumbled to herself.

"Tch, do humans make everything so complicated?" He asked while following.

"Yes." She affirmed while walking out the door.

Grimmjow's compliance was more than shocking, it was uncharacteristic. She knew there had to be something in all of this for him. Why else would he so easily follow direction from a random ex-shinigami?

"Why did you come to the World of the Living?" She asked as they walked side by side. They looked like an odd pair. Him with his powder blue hair and icy stare towering over her with her midnight locks and lavender gaze. Luckily there weren't too many people left on the streets to gawk at them.

"I was promised a rematch." He said plainly.

"A rematch?"

"Doesn't concern you, Ruka." He mentioned lazily.

Her brow furrowed. "It's Haruka- I mean Akiyama-san to you!"

He leaned forward while tilting his head to look at her, much like a cat eying up his prey. "You complain a lot, woman."

"Tsh, whatever." She grumbled while stopping at the crosswalk.

"Why are we stopping?" He asked, annoyance clearly showing on his face.

"That light up there means we can't cross because of the cars. We have to wait our turn." Haruka explained while pointing up to the crossing sign.

"I'm not waiting for a light." He pushed through the crowd and stepped into the crosswalk.

"Grimmjow, wait!" She yelled after him as he leisurely strolled across the street. When he didn't stop, she ran after him.

" _Stupid Arrancar!"_ She thought.

At the last second, she saw the speeding car coming at her, the horn blaring and wheels screeching. Instinctively she covered her head, bracing for the impact. She heard the sounds of crushing metal, but the hit never came.

"Oi, you coming or what? I'm not waiting around for you." That obnoxious voice had her opening her eyes, a shocked expression immediately adorning her face. A single hand was outstretched into the front of the car, a cocky looking Arrancar the one responsible. It was then she noticed the gasps and whispers of those around them.

Haruka's fist clenched as she threw them at her sides in a huff. "Grimmjow!"

"What now?" He started moving across the street again and towards the corner store.

"You've been here less than an hour and you are already drawing more attention than my entire eight months here!" She shouted as she ran to catch up to him.

"And?" He drawled.

"If you keep making a scene then you will never get your rematch." She poked him in the chest twice before he grasped her wrist.

"Quit nagging me, woman." He released her and continued walking towards the little store. "This where the food is?"

She sighed. "Yes. Please let me do all the talking." He rolled his eyes. "And don't touch anything!"

"Nag, nag, nag."

"You could always go somewhere else." She offered while walking through the door of the convenience store. The cashier greeted them both, but then withdrew awkwardly as they both glared at him.

"No." He said simply while looking around the store. Haruka had a feeling it had something to do with his deal with Urahara otherwise he would have been gone by now.

She moved wearily towards the shelf with the bento boxes. She grabbed two at first, but then hesitated. She glanced over to her new roommate who was swatting at display of kids toys hanging from the shelf. She immediately grabbed a third bento box and then moved to the check out. She placed her items on the counter, noticing beads of sweat developing on the cashier's brow.

A loud crash exploded from the other end of the store. "Grimmjow!" A puddle formed at the Arrancar's feet as he lapped at his hand.

"What?" He ground out, annoyed.

"I told you not to touch anything!" Haruka sighed before putting down a few more yen in the tray to pay for the beverage. "Sorry about that."

The cashier waved his hands defensively. "I-It's not a problem! H-h-here's your change. Have a nice n-night!" The man quickly bagged up the food and handed it to Haruka.

"Thanks." She replied as Grimmjow approached her. The cashier yelped upon seeing the steely glare in his direction.

"Are we done?"

She sighed. "Yes, let's go before you make me pay for half the store." The two walked together out the swooshing doors, only to be greeted by flashing lights and sirens. "Oh no." Her stomach dropped as she saw two witnesses point them out to police officers.

"Che, what a pain." Haruka heard Grimmjow mutter before he was scooping her up over his shoulder and vanishing down the road.

"What are you doing!?" She cried out while trying to cling to her groceries. Grimmjow's hand was planted firmly on the curve of her backside causing a blush to dust her cheeks.

"Your way takes too long." He jumped up on the fire escape to her apartment and opened the window. He unceremoniously tossed her to the floor before picking up the bag she was holding.

"Ouch!" She rubbed a sore spot on her ass before pushing herself to a stand. At least they were home. "Hey, one of those is mine!"

She ran over to the crouched asshole who was shoving every last drop of food in his mouth. He didn't stop even as she jumped on his back while trying to grasp a handful of noodles. He simply shrugged her off before tossing her a near empty box with a little bit of rice left.

"You are the worst house guest." She accused as she sat on the floor, her legs tucked to either side of her and her hands on either side of the bento box. She stared helplessly at the few grains of rice and a spare noodle.

"You should have bought more." He stood up and walked over to the couch, collapsing back and closing his eyes.

"I did buy more…" She tossed the bento box in the pile with the others and pushed herself to a stand. "I'm taking a shower. Don't break anything while I'm in there." He opened one eye to glare at her before shutting it again.

Steam flowed out the top of the glass shower door and into her bathroom, filling her lungs and melting away tension. Her fingers ran through her hair as she released a sigh, little rivulets of water flowing down her curves. Her nerves settled and a subtle relaxation starting creeping into her muscles.

Right up until a tapping noise on the glass had her eyes shooting open.

"Hey, how do you work this thing?" Grimmjow stood on the other side of the glass with the TV remote in his hand. She was so wrapped up in her shower that she didn't hear him open the door.

A shrill erupted from her lips. "Grimmjow!" Her arms flew to cover various body parts. "Get out!"

He grimaced at the obnoxious noise hurting his ears. "What the fuck? I asked you a question." He demanded.

"Get out, Grimmjow! You can't just walk into the bathroom while I'm taking a shower!" She continued to shout.

"Why? You ain't got nothing I haven't seen before." He said matter of factly.

"Out! Now. I will help you with the TV when I'm done!"

He sneered at her before turning to leave. "Well hurry up. I'm fucking bored."

Her body sagged as the door to the bathroom shut. She grasped the glass door handle and leaned against it, her head falling. "So much for a nice relaxing shower." She quickly washed up and rinsed, knowing that she couldn't leave the rowdy Arrancar for more than a few minutes before he'd get himself into trouble. She left the bathroom and to her relief, he appeared to be napping on the couch, sprawled out like a lazy house cat.

"Grimmjow." She called out gently.

"What?" He replied with only minor irritation.

"Do you want me to show you how to use the TV before I go to bed?" She meandered over to the couch, picking up the remote on her way that was no doubt dropped there in his frustration.

"No, I want you to stand around looking stupid for twenty more minutes." He replied sarcastically.

Her face deteriorated into a scowl before tossing the remote at him. "Fine, figure it out yourself. I'm going to bed."

"Oi, come back here or I'll break down your door and take your bed for myself." He warned.

"You are so lucky I owe Urahara." She spat before stomping her way back to the couch. She ripped the remote from his hand while glaring at his smug little expression. "You press this one to turn it on and this one brings up the guide to tell you whats on. You can go through the channels with this one." She explained quickly before passing it to him. "Oh and these control the volume. Please keep it down. I want to actually get some sleep tonight." She said as she pointed to the specific buttons on the remote.

"Tch, don't tell me what to do, woman." He returned before focusing on the TV.

She didn't bother with a response, opting for a condescending head shake before moving to her room. She slipped into bed and reveled in the soft comfort of her covers for several minutes before feeling exhaustion start to overtake her.

And then, obnoxious noise started filtering under her door.

"What the hell?" She pushed herself out of bed, passing a longing glance to the red numbers blaring 22:00 at her. As soon as she opened the door she could hear the obsene grunts and moans blaring from the TV, horrifying her instantly. "What are you watching!?" She shouted as she ran over and pulled the remote from his hand and changing the channel.

"What? It was the only thing good on."

"Only thing good on? You know I have to pay extra for that channel! Not to mention who else could have heard. My neighbors are going to think I'm a pervert!" She shrieked.

"So? Who cares?" He drawled.

"You are infuriating. Here, watch this." She said as she changed to the sports channel where the kickboxing tournament was on. "And don't change it. Good night."

"Tch." He glared at the back of her head while she made her way back to her room to finally escape into a blissful sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

_/* Thanks for the feedback, favorites, and follows! Always appreciated. So this chapter takes a turn down a darker path and has quite a bit of tragedy. That said, I'm putting a trigger warning here as there is death by murder and fetal death. So if that is something you don't want to read, I'll suggest skipping this chapter. */_

It was quiet; too quiet.

Haruka finished pulling on her scrubs before making her way out her bedroom door. It had been two weeks since she obtained a roommate and only one thing had stayed consistent-she could always hear him. Whether it was the blaring TV or him rattling bottles in the fridge, she always knew he was there. The fact that she didn't hear a sound had her in a bit of a panic.

"Grimmjow?" She called out to the empty apartment. When there was no response, she did start panicking. She reached out, feeling for that dangerous blue reishi. "Where are you?" She whispered.

"Right here." He responded as he jumped in from the window. Her startled screech had him caught somewhere between a smirk and an eye roll. "What?"

"You hid your spirit pressure." She pointed out.

"Yea, and?" He drawled. "Clogs said I need to stay on the down low."

Haruka's face fell into a exasperated frown, her mouth dropping open in disbelief. "So now you're going to play it safe? For the last two weeks you've done nothing but draw attention to yourself."

"Stop annoying me, Ruka." He waved her off as he put the bag full of food down on the table and took a seat.

"Where did you get the money for that?" She pointed accusingly.

"You leave your bag by the door." He shrugged.

"So you're stealing from me now?"

"Borrowing." He clarified.

"Oh ok, so when should I expect repayment?" She crossed her arms and raised her brow, cocking her head to the side.

Grimmjow looked up from his meal, a deadly blue gaze running across her skin. "When I feel like it." He looked back down and took another bite.

Haruka relented, her lips falling to a frown and her arms uncrossing. "I'm going to work." She moved to the door, slipping on her shoes and grabbing her bag.

"I won't wait up." He responded.

"Don't get into any trouble." She called out. A sarcastic grunt filtered out from the door before she closed it behind her.

* * *

"Akiyama-san!" Haruka's coworker shouted from the emergency entrance as two stretchers were brought in. Drips of red followed the stretchers and painted the EMS transporters who helped rush them in.

"What do we have?" Haruka asked as she met the first stretcher in room one. She pulled the curtain halfway shut, attempting to hide the bloody scene from the other patients.

"There was a shooting a few blocks away." The nurse answered as he started cutting away the victim's dress. It was pure white, as white as a hollow's mask, and covered with her own blood. This human was dying very quickly.

As the dress was torn free, Haruka gasped. The woman's stomach was clearly protruding outward, swollen with child. "Shit." She cursed as she looked around the room. There was no sign of the woman's soul.

"Mommy! Mommy! I want to see my mommy!" A high pitched voice screamed and pierced through the thin curtains of the rooms.

"Someone bring that girl to the waiting room please!" Haruka's coworker shouted as the little girl, no older than four, ran passed various healthcare workers. As if it were instinct, Haruka moved instantly in front of the little girl and scooped her up in her arms. She ran her over to a police officer and handed her over.

Determination filled her as the little girl's cries were soon muffled by the more solid walls of the waiting room. She ran back to the pregnant woman and began working her kido openly on the gunshot wounds, her coworker purposely focusing on checking the baby's vitals.

"Kito-san." Haruka's voice was strained, both from exhaustion and utter emotion.

"You can do it, Akiyama-san. We can save them." A strong hand was placed on her forearm accompanied by an equally determined expression.

"Her pulse is so weak." Haruka focused on her fading heart, attempting to help it function. It was difficult. Humans were different than souls. If she could find her soul, maybe she could-

"We're losing him!" Someone shouted from the next room over.

"Go, I'll keep working on her." Kito took over as Haruka turned, the curtain flying through the air as she moved like a whirlwind.

"Husband?" Haruka asked as she observed the man lying on the table, littered with bullet holes.

"Yes." The doctor on staff answered. Blood was everywhere. It soaked the bedspread. It covered the floor, allowing for trails of footprints to be seen, like a ghostly reminder of the moments prior.

Haruka prepared to use her kido to heal the man's wounds. She didn't care if the room was filled with her coworkers. She wanted to save these people. She wanted to save them so that little girl didn't have to grow up all alone. She needed to save them.

A strong fist enclosed around her wrist. She looked up, wide violet eyes shocked at the sight of moon white hair and that impassive expression. "Ishida-sensei." She whispered.

A loud monotone sound blared from the heart monitor. "Call it." The doctor shouted as Haruka and Ryuken remained locked in a heated stare. She was angry, boiling beneath the surface, as he remained calm and collected.

"Ishida-sensei!" Kito's voice called out from the other room urgently, desperate even. The two broke their silent argument and joined Kito at the dying woman's side. The three worked, sans kido, at saving the woman and her unborn child. She flatlined three times. On the fourth, Dr. Ishida finally called it.

"No, you can't just give up." Haruka shouted as she attempted to continue her efforts. She was covered in the woman's blood, the stains bringing back horrific memories that attempted to consume her. Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes.

"Akiyama-san, that's enough." The director gently pulled her back as the heart monitor screamed, the sound never easy to get used to. At the center of the bed, the fetal monitor was eerily silent with no signs of movement; a stark contrast from the long winded beep of the mother's heart monitor. Something inside Haruka broke.

She wrenched her arm free and stormed out of the room. She followed the blood stained footprints, the image so similar to a time not so long ago; a time she was desperately trying to atone for.

The air was cooler today, and hit her with some much needed relief. Her hands were actually trembling. When did she let things like this affect her so much? It should have been easier for her. She knew this wasn't the end for them. They would go to Soul Society. They wouldn't have to endure the World of the Living any longer. " _And they will never see each other again."_ The thought ripped through her before she could snuff it out. The tears that had been pricking at her eyes fell down her cheeks, an uncontrollable ache that she couldn't stop. When did she start caring this much?

"My baby sister is going to be ok, right grandma?" A wavering, young voice pulled Haruka's attention to the waiting room entrance, where the little girl was sitting on an elderly woman's lap.

"The doctors are doing all they can. We just need to keep praying." The woman responded, her voice strong and determined; her wisdom grown through tragedy.

Haruka swallowed hard, pushing down the emotion that shook her very body. It was overwhelming. "Why don't you take the rest of the day off?" The director's voice did hold a hint of sympathy as he joined her in watching the two humans pray for their family members, unknowing that they were already dead.

"I-I don't know what's gotten into me." She answered.

"You're starting to care." He responded as he began walking towards the two, the task ahead of him grim and unbearable. "Perhaps the lives of humans are more valuable to you than you originally claimed."

Her chin fell to her chest, pulling her eyes from what she was about to witness. The shrieks of grief, however, couldn't escape her ears no matter how hard she tried to ignore them. Her body moved automatically towards her car. It was a safe haven from all this horrific tragedy. She was thoroughly ashamed she could not push herself to endure through it. All of her coworkers were still there, tending to the sick and pushing down any emotion they may have felt. She was running away from it all. "I'm sorry, Kenji." She whispered. "I'm so sorry."

She wept for the entirety of her drive home. Tears had nearly soaked her scrubs, but were barely noticeable when mixed with all the blood stains. When she pulled up to her spot, she didn't get out. Her forehead dropped to the steering wheel, her hands following, clinging to either side of the solid wheel. The slight breeze from her open window cooled the tears, causing a shiver to run through her. She had to get herself together. She knew walking through her apartment door looking like this would no doubt get her roommate's attention and that was the last person she needed to talk to right now. No, she just needed to get to the shower and cry herself into a coma.

She wasn't paying attention as a shadow was now blocking the sun from her puffy skin. The breeze was no longer coming in, and maybe that's what had her peeking over her arm. "Oi, you reek like human blood. Did you get bored and slash a few up?" She felt like puking as a pair of scrutinizing sapphire eyes ran along her.

She lifted her head and pulled the handle of the door, pushing it open and hoping he would just move out of the way. It was then he got a good look at her face. Her violet eyes were puffy and swollen, her cheeks tear stained. His eyes slid into a glare as he grabbed her arm. "What the hell happened?"

She scoffed. _Concern? From him? Why the hell would he care?_ "I work at a hospital, Grimmjow. That's where the blood came from." Her voice was hoarse and unfamiliar. It ached with lingering emotion.

She wrenched her arm free, not in the mood for his attack on her pride. His glare turned to disbelief and she knew what was coming. She increased her pace up the steps to her apartment, but he was right on her heels. "So what? A couple of humans keeled over and you totally break down?" His tone was condescending and stung more than it should have.

She whipped herself around, halfway up the third flight of steps. She pressed a sharp pointer finger right into his chest, causing him to scowl. "You have no right." She could feel her reiatsu pulsing at the same increased rhythm of her heart.

He smirked, pleased at getting a reaction from her; toying with her like a bored cat with a new plaything. "You cry for all the humans you watch die?" He taunted. He was looking for a fight.

"I'd rather cry for every human I can't save than sit atop a broken throne claiming to be king." Her voice was deadly, aiming straight for his achilles heel.

" _What_?" His amused expression melted into a molten scowl.

"At least I have something worth living for. You? You live to kill anyone who's weaker than you so you can sit in Hueco Mundo and scream to an empty kingdom that you're the king." She declared again as she turned and kept walking up the stairs. She pulled out one last dig, however. "I guess at least you will always have a goal in life because even when Kurasaki-san gets his abilities back, you still won't be able to beat him."

His temper flared and his patience snapped. In an instant she was pinned against the door by her throat, his teeth baring an inch from her face. She gasped, a spark of fear running along her spine that he could smell even through the thick haze of human blood. "You're pathetic." He ground out, his voice feral. "Fixing human lives ain't nothing to live for." His breath was hot, his anger radiating off of him and burning her skin. "You think saving all these sorry people is going to make up for the shit you did for Aizen?" Her face twisted into a disdainful expression, the hurt very apparent in her eyes. "You ain't livin', sweetheart. You're just a groveling ex-shinigami hiding like a coward."

She very much wanted to point out that he too was hiding, but underneath that thin veil of fear was a much more profound feeling of emptiness. And in that emptiness, she was finding it hard to care about a rebuke. He was right, afterall. She thought this was the life she deserved, a fit destiny for someone who would otherwise be sentenced to death by sokyoku. She was too much a coward for that even. She _was_ a coward.

She said nothing as she deflated. Everything inside her felt numb. She felt broken.

"Tch. Pitiful." He spat out again as he felt her reiatsu calm, her anger fading into sadness. He released her throat and she took a raspy inhale of breath before coughing. He wrenched her bag from her and pulled out the money holder. He slipped a few bills free and pushed them in his pocket before thrusting the bag back in her hold. She looked absolutely wretched, her chin pressed against her chest, her pretty purple locks falling over her eyes. It pissed him off even more that her current state was _bothering_ him, like a ticking in the back of his brain. He had to get away from her, less she start rubbing off on him. He snorted at that thought. He could never be as sorry as that. He'd kill himself first.

Haruka watched as Grimmjow walked back down the stairs with her money in hand, no doubt to get more food. The man's appetite was unending and cost about as much as a second rent payment. It didn't matter either way. She was just glad he was gone.

She rubbed the sore spot on her neck after walking into the apartment. She dropped her bag on the ground by the door, tossing her shoes off to the side to tumble against the wall awkwardly. One by one, her garments crashed to the ground, the blood red stains almost painful to look at. A creak of the faucet followed by crashing water against the tile was a sweet relief. She moved into the high pressure stream, not caring that it hadn't warmed yet. She stood there, broken and bitter, allowing the sobs to consume her.


	4. Chapter 4

He had visited the corner store enough times now for the cashier to become friendly, or at least able to speak to him without that high pitched squeak. It annoyed him a little that he had to hide among these humans. The smell alone was enough to make him sick, their souls about as appetizing as a lowly hollow. Perhaps that's why he felt the need to engorge himself so frequently. The hunger never really faded.

"T-thank you for your business! Have a nice day, sir!" The jittery cashier said as he returned more paper bills than what Grimmjow had originally given him. He didn't think too much on it. Human methods of trade were idiotic at best, but when it came down to it, how they calculated the worth of this stupid exchange wasn't worth the effort to figure out. He stuffed the money into his pocket and grabbed the bag off the counter.

"Thanks." He offered, to which the cashier bowed. He took his time getting back to the apartment, knowing full well that idiot was still blubbering. He could feel it in the way her reiatsu wavered and shrunk into her, a fine display of self-pity. He couldn't deny, however, that he had a similar reaction back in Hueco Mundo when he was left on the desert sands, an inch away from death. He should have been dead. Kurosaki should have killed him, but the bitch boy shinigami had shown him sympathy instead.

His fist tightened around the plastic handle of the bag, nearly evaporating it from existence. " _Nobody takes pity on me."_ He declared in his mind. Back then, he had hoped for death simply because he had been beaten. He was weaker. But not anymore. After months of recovery and training, he would make Kurosaki regret not killing him when he had the chance. It was a damn shame that bastard went and lost all his powers. Now he was no stronger than a babe fresh out of the womb. That kind of fight wasn't worth his time. So for now, he had to hold up in this shithole with that nagging crybaby.

Something pricked at the back of his mind as he inwardly grimaced. It was a subtle feeling, something he could easily ignore if he wanted to, but didn't. There was something about that shinigami that drove him crazy in a good way. She was too kind hearted for her own damn good, but the way she glared at him with those purple orbs made him want to set her straight; _or crooked._ He laughed. She wasn't bad to look at, with the ample curvature of her breasts and ass. She was a fiery bird, too, always willing to stand up to him despite the obvious tremble in her body. He wouldn't mind fighting her...in the bedroom. Damn shame clogs had made it very clear he wasn't to touch the girl.

Without realizing it, Grimmjow had ended up back at the apartment, pushing open the door and immediately scrunching his nose at the repulsive smell of weak human blood scattered all over the place. He dropped his bag on the counter first before picking up the various clothing and tossing them in the garbage. It was then he heard her. Desperate gasps and wrenching cries lingered out from the bathroom, mingling with the sounds of crashing droplets of water.

"Tch. Still at it." He grumbled while pulling the boxes of food free from the bag. It annoyed him, her crying. But it annoyed him for all the wrong reasons and that pissed him off even more.

He found the meal he had picked for her and placed it at the table setting she usually sat at. " _Maybe some of that black shit she drinks will get her to shut up."_ He mused as he started playing with her coffee maker. It couldn't be that hard to figure out. He'd seen her do it every morning for two weeks now.

By the time he finally got the pot brewing, her sobs had finally ceased. She had gone silent and he would have questioned if she were even still there if he didn't feel her lavender reiatsu lapping at his violent blue aura. It was longing, lonely. She was a giant ball of misery and it was getting more and more difficult for him to ignore it.

"I'm sick of this shit." He huffed. He marched over to the door and threw his fist into the wooden slab. "Oi! Hurry up! Your food is getting cold and I ain't fucking reheating it."

* * *

Shock. That was all she felt as she got up from sitting in the, once hot, stream of water. While at first she had jumped in surprise at him banging on the door, his offering of food left her completely dumbfounded. Regardless, she finished up and snuck her way to her bedroom to get dressed.

"Where are my scrubs?" She asked upon reaching the small table where he was already nose deep in his second box of food.

"I threw them out." He said around a mouthful.

She nodded before sitting, noticing the untouched bento box and a fresh cup of coffee. "Thanks." She offered.

He grunted in response, either not accustomed to having anyone thank him or simply not caring enough.

She ate slowly, trying her best to enjoy each bite. She had gotten skilled at enjoying the little things in her life after so much was taken away. She watched the TV as she ate, or at least pretended to. She was thankful he left it on; anything to distract from having to speak to him. She could feel his eyes on her skin, the hairs on her neck standing straight.

"What happened?" He asked after he finished his second box. She had gotten about halfway through by that point.

"I really don't want to talk about it." She said quietly.

"Tch." He crossed his arms while leaning back in his chair, biting back a smart ass insult. "Fine, forget it." He got up from his seat and started heading towards the couch. He didn't have time to try and pull a self loathing idiot out of her own pit. She wanted to stay there? Then fine. He'd rather watch these human shows. At least they had something he could get into. Two humans beating the shit out of each other and the one who won was named the champion. It was no fight to the death, but it was better than some of the garbage she watched.

"A family was shot to death. The only survivor was a little girl. The mother was pregnant and the baby died with her." She said quietly and to her food. It didn't matter. He could still hear her. "The little girl was probably only three, maybe four. She lost her entire family. She lost her mother, her father, and her baby sister." She dropped her chopsticks on the table, completely losing her appetite now. "I couldn't save them."

"You can't save them all, kitten." He said nonchalantly, eyes still fixed on the TV, but completely aware of her. "No need to beat yourself up about it."

"I should have been able to save them." She declared, her fists tightening until her knuckles turned white.

"But you didn't." She turned to him, her eyes drawn into a glare. He turned to meet it, his expression uncharistically calm. "So next time do better."

Her expression changed abruptly, startled from his comment. "Do better?"

"You think I should've lived when Kurosaki beat the shit out of me? Then that bitch, _Nnoitra_ , lapped up his seconds like a starving dog." Grimmjow spat out. "It ain't going to happen again. Assholes should have made sure I was dead. It's just a damn shame Nnoitra's already been obliterated. I would have liked to remove his head myself."

She could barely comprehend what he was saying. Was he really trying to rationalize to make her feel better?

"Point is, Ruka, sometimes we fuck up; sometimes we ain't good enough. But as long as we're alive, we better damn well get it right the next time." He turned to look at the TV again. "That's why when Kurosaki is back to his usual self, I'm going to fight him and I'm going to win. I can be patient until then."

"Why is it so important to you to be the best?" She asked suddenly.

"Because for me, that's all there is." He responded, his voice low.

"That can't be it. That can't be the only reason for living!" She urged, like she was trying to convince herself that there had to be more to her life and trying to find it in that wild blue-haired Arrancar.

He sighed. "So naive." Her eyes flickered at his comment, more pain. "I'm an Arrancar. Before that, I was an Adjunctas and before that, Gillian. Before that-"

"Hollow." She answered, her voice sad.

"My entire existence has been about fighting and winning. And if I didn't, I'd die." He answered, his expression serious, his tone hard as stone. "What else is there?"

"Friendship, love?" She offered, unsure. Two things in her life that she once had but were ripped away by the whirlwind that was Aizen.

Grimmjow snorted. "Two things that will make you dead quicker."

"Happiness?" She said it so quietly that he wouldn't have picked up on it if his ears weren't so sensitive.

"There ain't no such thing, Ruka." His tone had sobered again. He didn't look at her.

"I had it once." She answered.

He stood up and approached her. He grasped her chin roughly, coming within an inch of her. His breath was hot, scalding her lips. "And where is it now?"

She grasped his hand gently, her lack of aggression surprising him with how hard he was holding on to her. "I'm still looking."

"Yea, well let me know how that goes for you." He released her and stalked over to the kitchen, raiding the fridge for a beer.

She cleaned up her mess and worked her way over to the door, sliding on an alternate pair of shoes since her other ones had been tossed in the trash. "Where are you going?" He shouted from the couch.

"Out." She responded simply before slamming the door behind her. If she couldn't save that poor family, then she would go one step further. She'd find their souls and make sure they got to Soul Society safely. She clung to her soul candy, complimentary of Urahara, and made her way to the scene.

The place was a mess. She had switched out of her gigai a few blocks up, sending her grocery shopping, though she loathed to know what that mod soul would bring back. She couldn't worry about that now. She had to find those souls.

Police tape extended two stores. Gun shells were still scattered all over the ground, not yet cleaned up. "Who would do this?" She questioned upon seeing splatters of blood. It seems there were other victims, most likely sent to other facilities with less threatening injuries.

"Ayami!" A warped voice shouted from an alleyway. "Ayami, where are you!?" The voice was frantic.

Haruka turned the corner and saw them. The two souls stood clinging to one another, both chains broken. The woman was still very much pregnant, sobbing in her husband's arms. "Ayami…"

"She's safe." Haruka offered, causing the two souls to look up suddenly. Their expression was one of fear and uncertainty. "It's ok, I'm going to get you somewhere safe too. It's not safe here for you anymore."

"Where is Ayami?" The woman demanded.

"She's with her grandmother." Haruka answered and the two souls seemed to relax.

"How do you know?" The father stepped forward.

"I was there when you died. I saw her when…" She paused, her tone aching.

"I'm glad." The woman said. "I'm glad she's safe."

Haruka unsheathed her zanpakuto, the brand appearing on her hilt. "This will only take a moment."

"Will we ever see her again?" The mother asked as Haruka put the hilt up to her forehead.

She hesitated, knowing the truth. They wouldn't remember her. They wouldn't remember each other at all. They would find new families and new lives in Soul Society. This love, their love, was not eternal; their happiness not concrete. Despite this, Haruka nodded. "You'll see each other again." She just barely got the lie out, her throat feeling as dry as a Hueco Mundo desert.

"I'm really glad." The mother smiled before pressing her own forehead into the hilt of the blade and then her body dissipating. Haruka moved the hilt up to the father and performed the same ritual on him, his eyes closed as he accepted his fate into Soul Society.

"I'm sorry." She whispered, the ache all the more painful.

She moved out of the alleyway and ducked under the tape. "Lady-sama!" A familiar voice tugged her attention down the sidewalk. "Lady-sama!"

Haruka sighed. "It's Akiyama-sama." She corrected as her gigai reached her. She stretched one last time, enjoying the light feel of her regular body before having to return to her gigai.

The mod soul huffed and gasped, trying to catch her breath. "I-I came back!"

Haruka looked her over. "Where are the groceries?"

"I n-needed to ask you, Lady-sama," she coughed, "what brand of noodles you wanted. There were three choices."

She rolled her eyes at the gasping gigai. "This is why I don't send you food shopping. Come on, let's go home." She lifted the candy holder to the gigai, forcing her mod soul back out and allowing her to reenter.

"Well, well, well, look at who we have here." A sickly familiar voice called out.

Haruka cursed as she turned to see four shadowy individuals appearing. She recognized two of them immediately. "I'm not interested." She stated before looking for a way out. How did she not notice them?

"I don't think I'm really in the mood to negotiate, sweetheart." The short big guy who seemed to be in charge mentioned with amusement. "Grab her."

The three other men charged, causing a sneer to form on Haruka's face. She dodged the first one, sending him toppling over himself before jumping up and kicking the second one in the face. The third one managed to get his arms around her, but she sent an elbow right into his cheek, causing him to drop her. She kneed him in the stomach and sent him to the ground. Just as she was about to turn back to the leader, a sharp pain exploded from the top of her skull, shooting down to her limbs and sending her into darkness.


	5. Chapter 5

"Damn idiot." Grimmjow muttered as he rushed through the hordes of humans. It was dark now, the street lamps glaring in his view worse than the sun. He wasn't used to so much light all the time. It bothered his eyes.

He sensed her, well acquainted with her reishi by now to be able to track it for decent distances. Then her reiatsu flared before going quiet. " _Too quiet,"_ he thought. He wasn't going to bother, but he wasn't stupid. She was his free ride until Kurosaki was himself again. Not that he couldn't mooch and steal from the humans, but then there was the guy with the clogs. While the statement was undermined by his typical way of speaking in riddles, Grimmjow heard him loud and clear. " _I'm sure you and Akiyama-san will be perfect roommates while we wait for Kurosaki-san to recover. Your individual special talents will assist in keeping each other out of trouble."_

In other words, don't let anything happen to the girl.

"Damn it." He cursed again as he continued to move on through the streets. He finally arrived at an area surrounded by strange yellow tape. He cut through it, a task as simple as breathing.

"Hn." His foot kicked into a strange device lying on the ground, sending it clattering against the pavement. Reaching down, he picked it up and inhaled. Her scent was all over it. It was cylindrical, with a cutesy dog character at the top. He squeezed it, a green little ball popping out of the dog's mouth and into his hand and then he sniffed it. It had a hint of sweetness. "Food?" He tossed the small morsel in his mouth and swallowed.

He instantly regretted it.

Like being hit direct with a cero, he was forced out of his gigai. "What the fuck?"

"Lady-sama! Lady-sama!" His gigai cried out, frantically pacing in a circle. He tilted his head, utterly confused and immediately pissed off. He watched his gigai run around like an idiot for all of two seconds before grabbing it by the throat.

"Who are you?" His voice was low, dangerous.

His gigai stared at him, trembling and sweating from fear. It only pissed him off more to see himself look like a damn coward. "M-my name is Mimi...I'm Lady-sama's mod soul." The voice was high pitched, irritating, and completely uncharacteristic of him.

"Mod soul?" He questioned.

His gigai nodded frantically before an appalled look twisted its face. "Y-y-you! You ate me! You can't eat someone else's soul candy!" He, or maybe she, shrieked.

"Who cares? Where is she?"

The look of utter disgust transformed into one of pure panic. "She left me? She left me! Oh Lady-sama, why!? Why did you leave me behind in this dirty alley? Wh-Bleh" Grimmjow punched the annoying soul asshole. He grasped its face and it cried out, tears shooting from its eyes like a fountain.

"Stop crying! You're making me look fucking weak!" Grimmjow shouted and Mimi immediately stopped, pulling the gigai's legs up to its chest and fluttering its eyes. "You're disgusting."

"Mister-sama! You have to find her! I remember, she pushed me out and then these men came and attacked her!" Mimi stood up and declared with excitement.

"Who?" Grimmjow asked, mildly irritated.

"I don't know…Oh! Oh! They were human!" She declared, as if that was the break in the case.

Grimmjow rolled his eyes. "Really narrowed it down." He stopped and closed his eyes, reaching out with Pesquisa. There were a few decent spirit energies around, but one caught his attention immediately. "Shit." He grabbed Mimi's arm and ran, dragging a screaming gigai up the buildings and to some place a little more remote.

"Mister-sama! Mister-sama please! I can't fly!" Mimi continued to shout and it only made him more furious.

"When this is all over, I'm going to kill you, Kurosaki." He said through ground teeth. He dropped the gigai on the roof of an abandoned warehouse and looked around.

Mimi huffed and gasped. "W-why did we run?"

"Shinigami. Probably one that's assigned to this area. I don't need that trouble." He answered.

"Do you think he's looking for Lady-sama?" Grimmjow glanced down at his gigai, regarding it carefully.

"Probably. The idiot let off so much reiatsu, she probably attracted the attention of every shinigami in Soul Society." He exaggerated.

Mimi stood up and puffed out her chest, er his chest, in an attempt to look intimidating. "Don't talk about Lady-sama like that! She is very smart."

"When compared to you." He snorted and the gigai deflated, its head dropping low.

"I'm not stupid." It muttered.

"Shut up so I can find her." He barked. Mimi covered the gigai's mouth with two hands and watched impatiently, bouncing on toes with excitement. "I hate you." Grimmjow said before closing his eyes and reaching out once more.

It took him longer than he expected to find that tiny purple flame buried in the depths of a high rise building. "There." His lips peeled back into a pleased grin. "Alright asshole, how do I get my body back?"

"B-but I want to go to! I want to help!"

"No."

"You're so mean." Mimi frowned while tears started swelling up again.

"Don't you fucking dare start crying again. I'll beat you out of that gigai."

With hands waving defensively, Mimi laughed awkwardly. "Whatever you command, Mister-sama!"

"Now how do we switch!?" His irritation was growing as he grabbed the gigai roughly around the throat.

"D-don't you think it's better if you go like that? I mean, the humans can't see you like that." Mimi choked out.

"I'm no coward!" Grimmjow shouted as he tossed Mimi to the side. She yelped before rubbing the spot on her head that just slammed against the roof.

"Of course not, Mister-sama! I'm just saying it would be less of an inconvenience to you, if you went like that. It's such a hassle to beat up all those humans and then more humans and then all those other humans show up…"

Grimmjow's brow quirked in irritation. "Fine, but you're going back to the apartment." A rough hand grasped the gigai by the shirt and started dragging it along the roof.

"W-w-wait, Mister-sama! I know the way! You don't have to drag meeeeee!"

* * *

A groan echoed across the walls. She turned over on the uncomfortable cot while pressing a hand to the fresh wound on the top of her head. "Bastard." She grimaced, the stinging causing a radiating headache that made her vision blurry.

"You're finally awake." A voice in the dark mentioned. She looked around, briefly assessing how much danger she was actually in. She was in a decent sized room. There were no windows and only a dim light on the wall next to her bed. The door was a single solid barrier, but easy enough to break through. She might have a chance if this guy wasn't fast. She'd have to assess him first, however.

"Who are you?" She asked. Her voice was strained, but determined.

Footsteps echoed off the walls as he approached, the light flickering against his tall form. "Noboru Yamazaki." He announced as his face finally appeared.

"Yamazaki…" Haruka whispered. "I know that name."

He smirked, his eyes as dark as charcoals, and his facial features as warm as a fire. He was handsome and well dressed with a dark navy suit and black dress shoes. He had long brown hair that fell neatly around his face. He was a picture of perfection, a perfect representation of the Yamazaki family.

"The Yamazaki corporation has been well established in Karakura town for decades. You should recognize it. Of course, our secondary business is not so well known." He smiled, an innocent expression to anyone who didn't know better.

"What do you want with me?" Haruka asked while standing. She didn't like the way he looked down on her. It was too reminiscent of older times; reminiscent of another tall handsome man with long brown hair and dark eyes.

"I have a lot of employees that received injuries in...unorthodox ways, so I am in need of a nurse with some unorthodox healing methodologies." He said simply while crossing his arms.

"I don't know what you're talking about." She spat indignantly.

"Don't you?" His smile grew as his head lowered to her shoulder. She attempted to pull back, but something about him froze her in place. "I'm not ignorant to the ways of shinigami."

Her eyes widened in shock. "How-"

"They aren't particularly fond of my business practices." He said idly as he glanced at his fingernails, completely bored. "Regardless, I am aware enough of their skills. So if you're finished asking questions, let's get started."

He turned and started heading for the door. "I'm not working for you." She declared, unwavering.

He stopped, his head tilting enough to look at her. His smile turned _dangerous_. Slowly, he stalked back towards her, hovering over her with his massive height. _Smack!_

Haruka fell back against the cot, the sheer speed and power of him knocking her completely off balance. She pressed a cool palm against the flaming red mark on her cheek before lifting her head enough to glare at him. "It isn't debatable." His voice was low, commanding. It caused a slight tinge of fear to run up her spine, her flight response kicking into full gear. He wasn't a normal human. "Are we going to have a problem?"

She shook her head, completely disgusted in herself, but she knew when to back off from a fight and be patient. She was stuck in her gigai, her soul candy probably laying in some dirty alleyway. She cursed inwardly at her carelessness. The World of the Living had made her negligent. She wasn't much of a fighter while stuck in her gigai, the vast majority of her abilities being useless. She wasn't like Grimmjow. That monster was able to stop cars with a single hand while in a gigai. She could only imagine how powerful he was outside of it.

That thought made her shiver. Her mind mused over what kind of names he would sling at her for this, for getting captured by a human. He probably hadn't even noticed, lazy ass stuck in front of the TV. What a mess she'd gotten herself into.

She followed Yamazaki out of the makeshift cell and down a long corridor. It appeared she was in a basement, probably of the Yamazaki corp building. This had to be where they performed most of their illegal activities.

He stopped in front of a glass door. A loud beep rang from the lock as he swiped his badge in front of it. A buzzing noise followed before he pulled the door open, sweeping his arm in front of him like the gentleman he pretended to be.

Haruka swallowed hard, her blood pumping in her ears. The whole scenario was uncanny. It made her body tremble.

" _This way, Haruka-chan." Aizen said gently as they walked side by side down the corridor._

" _Why so much secrecy, Aizen-sama?" Her voice was proud, that of a shinigami single handedly chosen by the fifth squad fukutaichou._

" _There are those that do not agree with what we are doing here. They feel we must kill our brethren infected by this hollowfication instead of curing them." He responded. His voice was a cool relief, washing over her like a summer rain._

" _I don't understand. If we can cure these hollows, why are they so against it?" Her brow scrunched, a small show of her frustration._

 _Aizen smiled at her while placing a hand on her head. "I am glad you and I share the same opinion on this."_

 _Haruka smiled back, warm, loyal, and utterly ignorant. Just how Aizen wanted it._

" _This way, Haruka-chan." He swept out his arm, allowing her to go ahead of him into the room filled with groaning, injured shinigami. She paused, her face dropping with the sudden horrific realization._

" _You see now how desperately I need your help." Aizen's lips were near her ear, his hands pressed against her shoulders._

" _Yes, Aizen-sama. I'll get to work right away."_

There were at least a dozen injured men and women lying on cots around the room. "What happened to them?" Haruka asked.

"We've been having a disagreement with a rival business." Yamazaki mentioned as he moved around her. "These two are the most seriously wounded. There was a shooting today-"

"A shooting?" Haruko's brow furrowed and fists clenched.

"Yes. I heard there were a few civilian casualties. It's unfortunate." He looked genuinely disgruntled by the whole thing, but it didn't change the fact that he was partially responsible.

"You left a little girl an orphan." Her voice quaked with her rage.

" _I_ did no such thing." He refuted.

"It's because of you and your men that place was shot up in the first place." She fired back. The man snapped, storming towards her quickly and grasping a fistful of her shirt.

"I don't involve innocent lives in my business! Anything beyond that does not concern you. You are here to mend them, that is it. Now heal them!" He threw her to the floor in front of the first groaning individual. He was patched up with gauze, most of his injuries superficial bullet wounds. He had lost quite a bit of blood.

She sighed and crawled up next to him. She closed her eyes and drew out her kido. Sweat immediately started forming on her brow as her head pounded and her gigai strained. She focused on the man's wounds, seeing them with her perception instead of her eyes. She felt as the wounds started to close, the small metal bullets being pushed out of the body as muscle and skin knitted back together.

A sharp inhale of breath nearly startled her as the man finally relaxed, the pain ebbing away. She felt weak, collapsing onto her palms and gasping for air. He body shook with the exertion. She had used her kido too much already today and now she was pushing her gigai even harder.

"Good girl." Yamazaki cooed, drawing a glare from her. "Now him."

Haruka moved slowly, her entire body trembling. She was starving, wishing she had finished her entire meal that Grimmjow had gotten her. She wasn't sure how much longer she could hold out. It filled her with shame, knowing she used to be one of the strongest healers and combatants on squad four and now she could barely work up enough kido to heal a handful of humans.

She kneeled next to the second injured man, his injuries much like the first. She focused again, forcing her kido against the man until he, too, was breathing easy. "Excellent." Yamazaki's grin would have been an endearing expression if she didn't know what he was capable of. "Continue your work, shinigami. I'll check up on you in a bit." He patted her on the head as he passed. She attempted to swat his hand away, but he moved so quickly, her gigai's reactions just weren't on par.

She dragged herself to the next victim, one who wasn't as seriously hurt, all the while remembering the last time she was in a situation like this. Except last time she had pride. Last time she thought she was doing something good for everyone involved. But she wasn't. She was just perpetuating the cycle, the evil. Her actions were unintendedly responsible for the deaths of more shinigami. Now she was doing the same, healing evil men who would only cause more death and more suffering.

She was a coward. Grimmjow was right.

A hand, nearly as big as her head, clamped down on her hair and pulled her back. She yelped while twisting, looking up with instant relief.

"Grimmjow?" Haruka asked in near shock. He was missing his gigai, wearing his white hakama and jacket. The mask fragment set on the right side of his face was as she remembered it along with that hollow hole where his stomach should be.

"Yo." He greeted casually. "You look like shit."

"What are you doing here? How did you get out of your gigai?" She asked, startled.

"Tch, why the fuck you healing these guys?" He asked outright, blatantly ignoring her questions. An angry glare formed on her guilt ridden face. She really did look like shit.

"I-I didn't know what else to do…" She trailed off as she looked around. "The guy who brought me here, he's not a normal human."

"Not a normal human?" A grin suddenly broke his face. "He's like another Kurosaki?"

"I don't think so." She admitted and his grin quickly faded.

"Well then you shouldn't be letting him rough you up. What? Has the World of the Living weakened you that much?" He pulled her to her feet while looking her over. Her ran a thumb across her bruising cheek and then again at the scabbing at the top of her head.

"Maybe it has." She replied painfully.

A low growl rumbled from his chest, a sign of aggravation. "Will you stop wallowing in your damn self-pity? I ain't going to keep saving your ass. If you want to be stronger then you get stronger. You want to save all the little humans from death then you just do it." He spat out. "Otherwise, you can just sit here aiding your enemy and withering away. So which is it? 'Cause I'm getting sick of you wasting my time."

She knew he would be brutal and upfront. Maybe she needed that, but it hurt all the same. "If I'm such a bother for you, then just go. I'll find my own way out." Her words were weak despite her attempt at sounding determined. To him, it just sounded like another sulk.

"Jeez, you're such a pain." He grasped her and hoisted her over his shoulder.

"Grimmjow!" She shouted. The injured men in the room looked on horrified as it appeared she was simply floating.

Well one minute she was floating, the next, she was being thrown to the ground as Grimmjow was hit square in the chest. "Where do you think you are going with my nurse?" Yamazaki asked, his voice light with amusement.

A laugh filtered out from the rubble against the wall before exploding into the air. His reiatsu erupted. "It's been too long since I've had a good fight." His grin was wide with excitement.

Yamazaki's head tilted, scrutinizing the being in front of him. "You're not a shinigami." His eyes squinted with suspicion. "What are you?"

"Your worst nightmare, human." Without a second hesitation, Grimmjow rushed him, slamming his fist into his face before sending a kick into his side. The human went flying, cracking the wall in two.

" _He can see him._ " Haruka thought as she watched the two fight. The human put up a decent defense, blocking some of Grimmjow's blows, but it was becoming increasingly obvious that he really didn't stand a chance.

"What's the matter, human? Can't keep up?" Grimmjow's raucous laughter was borderline disturbing. She was almost envious of the shear joy he got out of battle, out of testing his strength against another.

"Damn it." Yamazaki cursed as Grimmjow slashed at him again, unable to dodge his brutal attacks. He crouched on the opposite side of the room, that at this point had mostly cleared out.

"Tch, this is boring." Grimmjow shook the blood from his hand before stretching his limbs. "I thought you might actually have some skill, but you're just a fidgety human."

Yamazaki grimaced before glancing over to Haruka who was tucked to the side, trying to avoid the fight. It was his only way out.

She was well aware of her surroundings, but her healing had exhausted her. While she attempted an elbow to his face, he managed to wrench a device against her neck and pulled the trigger. Her scream filled the room and an immediate scowl broke out on the blue-haired Arrancar.

"Coward." He spat as he watched Haruka slump in the man's arms, barely conscious. The fact that the human's hands were even on her made his insides twist uncomfortably. It was a sensation he loathed and one that shouldn't exist.

"Come any closer and I'll suck the last of her spirit energy dry." Yamazaki shouted.

"Tch." Grimmjow glowered at him, annoyed at being underestimated. "You ain't got a clue who you're messing with."

It all happened within the breath of a moment. After the moment had passed, Grimmjow was holding the crushed device in one hand and Haruka in the opposite arm. Yamazaki was collapsing to the floor, blood exploding from his chest.

"We have to go." Haruka's voice dragged, damaged from that weapon. "Now; we have to go now." Her panic was greatly diminished by the increasing exhaustion. She knew, however, that this was bad. This was really bad. They had just murdered a tycoon.

"Alright, alright. It's your fault we're here." He scolded lightly while tossing the pieces to the floor. He then picked her up in his arms, fully aware of how weak she had gotten. He could feel her shiver against the exposed skin of his chest, her cool cheek pressed against his shoulder. " _She just needs rest."_ He rationalized, talking down that uncomfortable sensation buzzing in the back of his mind. " _Idiot, woman."_

When they finally arrived at the apartment, he burst through the window and set her down gently, holding her until she steadied on her feet.

"Lady-sama!" A high pitched version of his own voice shouted as his stupid gigai sprinted towards them. Haruka looked startled before a tiny glimmer of amusement broke out on her face. Then it was subsequently disconcerted as Grimmjow landed a punch direct in the gigai's face, sending it to the floor.

"So that's how." Haruka turned to him, her face pleased at her realization. "Thank goodness you were the one to find it." She sighed.

"Yea, now how do I put it back?" Grimmjow's annoyed tone only further amused her.

"Where's the dispenser?" She asked, holding back a laugh as the gigai got up and attempted to hug her again. Grimmjow held it back by the forehead with one hand as it swiped its arms frantically.

"Here." He handed her the soul candy and watched as she smacked it into his gigai, the tiny green candy popping out of its mouth.

"There you go." She put the mod soul back into her dispenser as Grimmjow returned to his gigai.

"I hate this thing." He grumbled as he stretched his limbs.

"I know." She agreed. "But it's the only way to live here."

She let out a pained sigh before moving towards the door to slip out of her shoes. As soon as they were off, she was being scooped up by a pair of strong arms. "Grimm-"

"Shush, Kitten." His voice lacked the usual anger she had become familiar with, maybe holding only a hint of annoyance.

She quieted as he carried her to her bed. He set her down, pulling the covers up to her chin. "Thanks for coming to get me." She whispered as she readjusted, allowing her bed to claim her.

"Leave it to you to get snatched up by a human." He snorted.

"A simple 'you're welcome' would have sufficed." She rolled her eyes.

"You're welcome." He grumbled. "Don't let it happen again, 'cause I ain't coming after you."

She smiled as he walked out the door, closing it gently behind him.


	6. Chapter 6

_/* Hello, hello! Thank you for continuing to follow along. I am still aiming for weekly updates, though life is a little bit crazy right now. I'll do my best to stick to that deadline. Warnings: This chapter has a smidgen of fluff so if you aren't into that sort of thing, well you should probably bow out now because it's not going to get any better. :) Thanks for reading! */_

* * *

" _How could you, Haruka-chan?" His voice was desperate, longing, distant._

 _Haruka looked around, clinging to her zanpakuto. She was scared. It was a common emotion these days. It was a far cry from the life she had before. All her regret squeezed her heart and choked her lungs._

" _How could you do this to me!?" He appeared on her left, her former lover who was now fully hollow; just another experiment to Aizen. She held out her zanpakuto, blocking his attack. A grunt escaped her lungs at the sheer power of him._

" _I was trying to help you!" She shouted as he came in for another attack._

" _You let him do this to me!" He howled. His mask a frightening reminder of what he had become despite his voice being familiar. He wasn't the man she remembered. He had turned into a monster._

" _We were trying to save you." She attempted again._

" _Save me? Save me!? You did this to me!" His rage grew, fueling his strength. "I loved you!"_

Her eyes shot open, a shiver running down her spine in response to her horrific memory. What she would give to just forget, even for a few short minutes. It was impossible. It didn't matter what she was doing, she always remembered the horrors she participated in. It's what she deserved.

She sighed while sitting up, her legs folding over the side of the bed and her hand pressing to her face. What was the point in all this? What was she living for?

"Nightmare?" His voice was low, a mere rumble in the night. She turned and saw him perched in her window staring out at the moon. She half wondered if it reminded him of Hueco Mundo, the subtle white light bathing his skin and bringing those sapphire eyes to life.

"Yea." She choked out. His gaze was still out the window so she took the opportunity to run her eyes over him, appreciating his muscular curvature, the slant of his face, that unruly powder-blue hair…

"Enjoying the view?" He smirked as his eyes quirked to meet hers. A furious blush bloomed in her cheeks.

"Sorry, I just-" She didn't know how to finish that sentence, " _just thinking about what you're like in bed."_ She finished the thought in her head and only caused the blush to flourish further. He was that type, afterall, someone she could get lost in; someone that could help her forget.

The wild Arrancar slid from the window sill and moved towards her. "You just what?" His voice held a curiosity that gave her just an inch of courage. He stopped in front of her, their bodies nearly touching. He ran his thumb over the bruise on her cheek, causing her to wince.

"I was just thinking about how much I'd like to fuck you." She said blatantly, not caring how crude it sounded or what assumptions he could draw from it; because it truly didn't matter. She was alone here. She would always be alone. Why not take advantage of driving that loneliness away when she could? Even if it was just for a night…

His lips peeled back into a leering grin. His eyes darkened, a haze of lust taking over. "I didn't think you'd be so forward, Kitten." He purred as his hand reached into her hair pulling her into him. His lips crashed down into hers with furious enthusiasm, desperate to consume her. She responded with a mewl, her hands finding their way to his hair, tugging desperately. He released an appreciative growl while pressing into her hips with his own. She could feel his erection through his pants, solid and needy.

He broke away to make a trail of kisses down her jawline and to her neck. A grunt broke from her lungs as his teeth sank into the fleshy part of her shoulder. A pleased groan rippled across her skin as he slipped his hands along the curvature of her ass and lifted. Her legs wrapped around his waist and her arms around his neck. She pulled back, causing them to fall towards the bed, except they never landed. The bed disappeared, the ground evaporating into nothingness and they just fell; they fell for an eternity, entangled with one another.

Then she jolted awake.

She turned face down into the pillow and groaned. It had been awhile since she had felt this emptiness in the pit of her stomach. Her thighs clenched together, her sex swollen and achy. "Why?" She shouted into the pillow. Why oh why did she have a dream like that about him?

Eventually she managed to drag herself out of bed and find the courage to walk through the door. He was in his usual spot on the couch, using up her TV. It was better than him running rampant in the streets.

He turned and found her gaze. The heat of a blush immediately exploded on her cheeks to the point she had to avert her eyes. "What?" He asked around a mouthful of rice ball.

"Nothing." She returned as she moved to the kitchen to make herself some coffee.

Usually, Grimmjow was impassive and uncaring in regards to her morning routine, but when he caught her scent, he immediately grew curious. She heard as he pushed himself off the couch, not even thinking about the fact that his senses were animalistic. She sighed as she fiddled with the coffee pot, feeling him behind her, eying up her injury. Or so she assumed.

She heard the deep inhale and twisted to meet a leering gaze. "What were you dreaming about?" He smirked.

"W-what? What is that supposed to mean?" She stuttered out. " _Damn him."_ She thought. She should have taken a shower before coming out.

He reached over her, his arm grasping the cabinet door above her. He dipped his head so that their foreheads were nearly touching. His other arm pressed against the counter, boxing her in. She could feel the heat radiating from him and it suffocated her. His presence in general was overwhelming, but when his full attention was on her, it was unbearable. "I hope it was about me." His grin was wicked, his goal obviously to draw more embarrassment from her. It worked.

"I don't know what you're talking about!" She returned defensively before twisting away from him.

"Where are you going, Kitten?" The smugness in his voice infuriated her further.

"To take a shower." She shouted from the bedroom. "A cold one!"

"I know something that can help better than a cold shower." She heard him laugh, the egotistical Arrancar pleased with himself.

She didn't respond, all too tempted to say yes. Grimmjow was the type to just take what he wanted, but what he wanted more than sex was to beat Ichigo Kurosaki into the ground. She had no doubt that Urahara had a set of rules he was supposed to follow in order to get his rematch. It could be the only reason why he was exercising such control over himself. " _If you can call destroying a person's car, stealing all my money, and murdering a tycoon control."_ She snorted to herself.

After a long, freezing shower, she made her way back out to the kitchen. She sighed at the pot of coffee that had long since burned from being on the heat too long. The splashing of dark liquid in the sink echoed in the apartment and that was when she noticed it was empty. The TV had been shut off, shockingly, and that troublesome Arrancar wasn't anywhere in sight. She looked over to see the window wide open.

"Damn it, Grimmjow." She cursed while stomping over to his preferred entry-exit way.

"You worry too much, Ruka." He mentioned as her head appeared from the window. He was standing on the fire escape, leaning against the railing and looking out among the buildings. Beyond a row of three story buildings were smaller homes and beyond that was the forest. It was there that Grimmjow's gaze was set.

"Needed fresh air?" She asked as she climbed on the sill, dragging her legs over the side.

"Hn," he responded. "Last time I was here, I never took to the time to just look. There ain't this much green in Hueco Mundo." He continued to stare, almost with an appreciative look in his sapphire eyes.

Haruka realized that this was probably the first time Grimmjow had ever just stopped and _relaxed_ in his life. He'd spent most of it fighting and surviving. Who had time to stop and just appreciate life when constantly just trying to make it another day? She almost felt sorry for him. "Do you want to go?" She offered, her bare feet bouncing in the air, tickled by the breeze.

He tilted his head towards her, a look of doubt briefly flashing across his face. "Why not? We got nothing better to do."

"Yea." She smiled. It was bright and filled with elation. It made him falter. People didn't smile around him. They feared him. Well most people. Nel and Halibel were always thorny exceptions back in Hueco Mundo, but as for a regular ex-Aizen pet-, why was she so comfortable around him? Either way, he really didn't mind. This new sense of calm, while it did generate a bit of paranoia, for the most part was a welcome change from the life he was well acquainted with. Now if only he had someone he could beat the shit out of every now and again, he'd be as smitten as a pampered cat.

He watched as she twisted herself around, crawling back through the window to get her shoes. He could hear the soft patter of her feet through the apartment, following the alluring pulse of her reishi up to the front door and then immediately sensing another strong presence. In a flash of sonido, he was at the front door, becoming a shield from the familiar being. That tick in the back of his mind started once again. It was a whisper of instinct, an urging sensation to protect what was his. It was something beyond his control. And it pissed him off.

Haruka was shocked at first, when her Arrancar roommate appeared in front of her in a rush of wind, staring at the door. It was then she realized someone was standing there. "Urahara." She whispered. "What is he doing here?" Then it dawned on her. Yamazaki. "Shit!"

"Knock, knock." That sleek, satisfied tone called out from the other side of the door, accompanied by the gentle smack of his cane against wood.

Haruka shared a brief look with Grimmjow, his expression intense and, if she didn't know him better, might have mistaken it for concern. She attempted to move to the door to unlock it, the meeting inevitable, but a strong arm crossed in front of her and halted her in place. She looked at him, puzzled, before he moved to open the door.

"Ah, good morning, Grimmjow-san! Akiyama-san! Looks like you two are getting along fabulously!" He smiled devilishly before his voice became low and serious. "We need to talk."

"Right." Haruka sighed before moving back into the apartment. Grimmjow followed her, remaining a solid barrier between her and Urahara. She wasn't entirely sure why he saw him as such a threat, especially since he was his meal ticket to Kurosaki, but she had other things to worry about. "Would you like some tea, Urahara-san?" She offered politely.

"No thank you. If you don't mind, Akiyama-san, I'd like to get right down to business." He swept his arm toward the couch. She complied, taking a seat on the opposite side of Grimmjow.

"You seem awfully tense, Grimmjow-san." He mentioned idly.

"Why are you here?" He asked outright.

"It seems I underestimated just how much trouble the two of you could get yourselves into." Urahara replied casually. Grimmjow snorted while Haruka looked away guiltily. "Couldn't you have picked a less well known human to murder?"

"Not my fault the asshole picked the wrong person to mess with." Grimmjow pressed his hands to the back of his head and leaned back, eyes closing

"What happened?" Urahara's voice grew serious again.

"I, um, I-"

"She got picked up and dragged to his special medical facility to heal all his friends. Then I went to bring her back and he got all pissy and tried to kill her. So I killed him instead." Grimmjow explained, his eyes still closed.

"I see." Urahara mused, his thumb and forefinger clasping his chin. "And did this come about because of your special knack that you've been showing off recently?"

"I-yes." Her hands clenched in her lap as her gaze fell to the floor. Grimmjow opened one eye to glance at her, annoyed at how miserable she looked again. She had been so happy about a stupid little walk in the woods and now a little scolding from clogs and she was back to her wallowing self. Damn, she sure was emotional. She might have been worse than Nel, but at least not as noisy.

"What does it matter?" Grimmjow scowled as he sat up again, his eyes set on Urahara.

"It matters because I warned her not to and now she's attracted the attention of the very people she's hiding from." While his explanation was to Grimmjow, his gaze was set on her. It was calm and collected, as usual, with just a slight indication of worry in the hardened set of his brow.

She, on the other hand, had a look of absolute panic. "Are they here?" Grimmjow could hear the waver in her voice.

"Who?" He asked impatiently.

"They are the siblings to a man Aizen used for his experimentations. They blame her, also, as she assisted in his work." Urahara answered. "And they are not here yet. But I have many ears and one particular set has heard that they are trying to find a way to the World of the Living without the aid of Seireitei. They know you are here."

Haruka said nothing, her entire body going numb. How could she be so careless?

"Which brings me to the second reason I came." He said as he pulled out a parchment from his sleeve and handed it to her, obtaining a glare from Grimmjow as his arm reached passed. After the parchment left his hand, he replaced it with his fan. "It's an olive branch."

"An offer of reinstatement to the Gotei 13?" She gasped. "Why?"

"It appears that our Soutaicho understands the fact that the vast majority of Aizen's underlings were brainwashed. Now that the fight is finally over, they are trying to rectify it." Urahara explained.

The room grew silent, both sets of eyes on Haruka as she read the parchment in full. Her bottom lip had a slight tremble, her hair falling in her eyes. "I'm sorry, but I can't accept this." She said quietly.

"Why the fuck not?" Grimmjow asked. "They are giving you a free ticket in."

"I don't deserve it." She started.

"Tch, Jeez-" Grimmjow began, but she cut in.

"And I don't want it." She looked up at Urahara, a determined expression set on her face.

Urahara snapped his fan together, his lips lifting into a pleased grin. "Well then, I'm glad I won't be losing a valuable tenant." He stood up from his seat. "I've taken the liberty of opening up a new training ground a few blocks from here. I figured you two must be getting bored and your skills rusty. Feel free to take advantage of it." He tossed Haruka a key and then another item to Grimmjow. "A soul candy dispenser for you. We can't have you training in a gigai now, can we?"

Grimmjow turned the device over in his hand; a silver cat head sat at the top. He grunted his approval. "Finally, I can get out of this damn thing."

"Don't overdo it now. The training grounds have triple barrier protection to hide any reiatsu released, but once you leave that place any ordinary shinigami will be able to detect you. Best to remain in your gigais when not there." Urahara began moving towards the door, his cane in hand. He turned to them one last time and tipped his hat. "Farewell for now." Then, he was gone.

"Oi, let's go check this place out." A feverish grin split his face. He was all too eager to get warmed up. Haruka, however, remained where she was, staring into space.

" _It appears Aizen has gotten a message to Hamasaki-san's siblings in Soul Society." The mysterious man she had come to know as Urahara mentioned idly. She didn't understand why he was always fanning himself off, even in the dead of winter._

" _Of course he has." She spat out, disgusted. "He couldn't give me the courtesy of apologizing to them. He has to play his games."_

" _I'm sorry Akiyama-san, but it appears you now have two new enemies." His voice truly sounded sympathetic, surprising her._

" _It doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is that Aizen is stopped." She insisted. Her features displayed her frustration of the whole situation. She had supplied plentiful amounts of information to Urahara, but at the moment, it was all useless information. It was nothing they could use to stop him._

" _I'm working on it." He returned. "For now, you just lie low."_

"Ruka!" His adamant voice pulled her from her memory.

"S-sorry." She stammered before getting up. "Let's go."

Grimmjow looked her over suspiciously, his previous annoyance at her ignoring him fading. "Who are these 'siblings' he was talking about?"

She sighed, reluctant to share, but he had thus far been a decent outlet. "Kenji's brother and sister."

"Kenji?"

"He was my lover before Aizen scooped him up in his experiments." She answered, the painful experience radiating through her body.

"And you helped." He said pointedly, unsympathetic.

"I thought I was healing him. Turns out I was only accelerating the process." She released a single dark laugh, one that made even him quirk an eyebrow. "I didn't know."

"Didn't know what?"

"I didn't know healing would accelerate the hollowfication process." She answered bitterly. "This was before he obtained the hogyoku, before I became just his bitch pet healer."

Grimmjow didn't respond at first. He didn't know much about what Aizen did before he came to Hueco Mundo. He just knew that he used the hogyoku to create Arrancars. He must have been trying out his methods on shinigami first. "Well you ain't his anymore."

She looked up, a tiny speck of hope glimmering in her eyes. "No, I'm not."

"Then quit groveling and let's go. I'm sick of lying around this place." He turned and headed for the door, pausing only long enough for them to slip on their shoes. Haruka followed, her spirits effectively lifted, even if only a little; and Grimmjow feeling all the more proud for being the cause.


	7. Chapter 7

_/* Sorry for the tease last chapter (not really). We still have some plot to go through before we get to the smutty stuff. I will do my best to continue the weekly updates. That said, I might be out of commission for a little bit that may delay the next chapter or two as I have to have surgery (nothing too serious) on top of trying to move to a new house so life's a bit crazy right now. Thanks for sticking with it and hope you enjoy! */_

* * *

It had been a short and quiet walk to the training grounds, a toothy grin plastered on his face the whole way. She wasn't sure why she was so bothered by his inherent love of fighting. Maybe it was simply the fact that it was the only life he'd ever known. He was a beast of instinct and he followed those instincts wherever they took him.

She remained lost in thought for the entirety of their walk and felt a little disappointed when they arrived at the random barn on the outskirts of the city. "This it?" He asked eagerly.

"I think so." She answered before pushing the doors open. They walked inside the hay covered ground, kicking it away to find some sort of door. "I don't see anything."

It was then she felt something rumbling in her pocket. She pulled out Urahara's key that was shining brightly and vibrating violently. She moved it about the room, waiting for it to take her where they needed to go. Grimmjow simply watched, his patience thinning the longer he had to wait.

"Here it is." She exclaimed as the key took her to the corner of the barn. A large square outline formed in the concrete and was soon opening up to a long staircase. He pushed passed her, taking the lead down the darkened space. Their steps echoed against the walls, being enveloped by the emptiness beneath them.

"Hurry up, Ruka." His tone was a mixture of agitation and excitement as his pace quickened. The walls opened up around them, revealing an endless desert under a moon filled sky.

She didn't see the deranged grin that formed on his lips as he sprinted forward. "Grimmjow! Wait up!" She shouted as he went beyond her view. "Damnit."

Anxiety suddenly tensed her muscles. She felt extremely vulnerable, like prey being stalked by a hungry predator. She pulled her dispenser from her pocket, tightening her sweaty palm around the device. "What is he thinking?" She asked herself.

"Akiyama-sama!" A distant voice shouted, frantically running towards her.

Her face twisted awkwardly as she watching Grimmjow come into view, his arms outstretched and a panicked look on his face. "Grimmjow?" She looked on dumbfounded for a few moments before becoming immediately defensive.

"Akiyama-sama! He's coming for you!" The gigai shouted frantically.

It was then she realized what he was going on about. Instantly, she popped the round candy into her mouth and exploded away from her gigai. Mimi looked around confused for a moment before Grimmjow's gigai collided with her.

"Gah, what was that for you dufus!?" She shrieked.

"Dufus? Well I would never-!" Grimmjow's gigai started.

"Hey, mod soul! What's your name?" Haruka asked.

"Mimi!" Her gigai perked up with excitement.

"Not you." Haruka pressed her palm into Mimi's face, pushing her aside. "You, what's your name?"

"My name?" He tilted his head, looking a little perplexed.

"His name is Crey!" Mimi finagled her way out of Haruka's palm.

"Crey?"

"Yes, your name is Crey." She insisted.

"Alright. Mimi, Crey, stay out of the way." Haruka stated as she felt a pulse of dangerous reiatsu coming her way. His excitement was getting the better of him. Either that or he just didn't care if she could sense him.

"Yes, Lady-sama!" Mimi saluted before grabbing Crey by the hair and dragging him back behind the staircase. Crey flailed, tears exploding from the corners of his eyes. Haruka would have laughed if she didn't feel so immediately threatened.

He appeared almost out of thin air, his face crazed and joyous. That white mask fragment glistened in the moonlight above. His body flexed and contorted, much like a cat jumping through mid air. She barely had a second to register him before his kick collided with her side and sent her flying into a nearby rock formation.

It had been a long time since she endured such a force and felt such pain. She coughed around the dust that had formed as she pushed herself out of the rubble. A trickle of blood fell from her brow and her side ached where his kick had landed.

"Tch, you can do better than that, _shinigami_." He taunted as he rushed her again. She unsheathed her zanpakuto and blocked his next kick that was aimed straight for her head. His punch was next, aiming for her stomach. She just barely made contact with the hilt of her sword into his knuckles. Then, she sent her knee up towards his chest which he blocked with an elbow.

An exchange of blows continued, none of hers connecting while his continued to graze various parts of her body. Finally, she slipped up and let his punch connect with the center of her chest, dropping her to the ground.

She gasped, sucking in air desperately. "At least release your zanpakuto." He grumbled, obviously disappointed in her lack of ability.

"I can't." She rasped, her gaze off to the side in shame.

"What do you mean you can't? Why the hell would Aizen drag along a shinigami who can't even release her zanpakuto?" He laughed cruelly.

She glared up at him, her cheeks flared with embarrassment. "I can't because Soul Society sealed it away a long time ago. I'm only allowed to use kido spells and regular combat techniques."

His amusement quickly faded. "Sealed it? What the hell for?"

She paused, hesitant to dive into a story that had been long since buried. But truly, what did it matter? She wasn't going back there. "I was born into a special group of shinigami who followed their own set of ideals. We all shared similar zanpakuto types. They were called subtractions for gains. They handicapped us in some way and when we trained with the handicap, we ultimately got stronger." She pushed herself to a stand and dusted her clothes off. "The leaders of our group were becoming more extremist and turning it into a cult. Eventually, they attacked prominent members of Central 46 that were against our ideals. As punishment we either had to seal away the abilities of our zanpakutos or be sentenced to death."

Grimmjow studied her, a mountain of resentment was buried there, churning away like molten lava. She lifted her sword so he could see it. There, on the hilt, was a large circular symbol.

"That's why I was a healer. That was all I was allowed to do."

He stood there for a few moments longer, analyzing her. "Explains why you didn't want to go back." She averted her gaze, telling him all he needed to know. "And why you left with Aizen."

Her eyes shot back up to meet his, a glare instantly forming. "That's not why I left." Her fist clenched around the hilt causing the sword to tremble slightly. "I thought Aizen was helping people. I thought his intentions were pure."

"You just turned out to be the perfect target for him, sweetheart." He prodded.

A flame of rage flickered in her as she charged him, her fist nearly making contact with his face. Instead, it landed square in his palm, a grin peeling back his lips once more.

"Going to prove me wrong?" He continued his taunting and she didn't let up. Her anger grew at his lackadaisical defense. Without responding, she flipped back, her foot attempting to jab into his chin as she went, but again it was blocked effortlessly.

"You need work, Kitten. You're rusty as shit." He scolded lightly.

She continued in her attempts, her movements getting sloppier the angrier she became. Eventually, he grew bored. In two swift moves, he had her pinned up against a boulder, her wrists entangled in one of his fists and the rest of her pinned by the overwhelming weight of his reiatsu.

"Want me to teach you?" He was teasing her, pushing her to have a little more passion.

"I don't need _you_ to teach me." She spat while struggling against his hold. She was already heaving for air and they were barely passed warm ups.

"Prove it."

With a whisper, she was breaking free of his hold. An explosion of blue light had caught him off guard enough for her to break free. She sprinted away, creating a decent amount of distance.

"Cheap trick." He shouted, slightly annoyed.

"I would think you of all people would approve of any method of fighting as long as it means winning." She dug.

"Oh please. Your little kido tricks ain't doing nothing for you. Why don't you break that seal? Then maybe we can have a real fight." He suggested.

Her face twisted with pain and doubt at his proposition. "I think I've broken enough of Soul Society's laws for a lifetime."

"What's one more?" He goaded.

She hesitated again, her mind mulling over the possibilities. She constantly wondered what it would be like just to hear her zanpakuto's voice again. It had been so many years. "Even if I wanted to, I don't have the tools or resources to break a seal like this. Nobody does."

"I doubt that." He approached her slowly and, upon finally reaching her, wrenched her sword from her fragile hold. He observed the seal, feeling the pulse of power as his thumb ran across it. "Why the hell would you let someone lock a piece of you away?" He whispered.

Again a flash of pain flitted across her face. "I was very young at the time. My mentor told me it was the right thing to do."

His sapphire stare slid from the seal to her violet eyes. "Did your mentor do it?"

She broke from his gaze before whispering, "no."

Grimmjow scoffed before handing the weapon back. A plan started brewing in his mind, one that he was damn sure going to keep from her. If it went his way, however, it would mean he'd finally get his sparring partner. "Well let's at least get your combat back up to par. You wouldn't stand a chance against Kurosaki as he is now, let alone me." He teased.

"I told you, I don't need you to teach me." She crossed her arms in a huff.

"I ain't giving you a choice, Ruka." He declared before charging her again.

"Grimmjow!" She screeched and he laughed, enjoying his torment of her all too much.

"Relax, Kitten. I won't hit you too hard."

"You are relentless." A flash step later, and she was colliding with the blue haired fury.

"Not bad, Ruka. You still got a little speed." He commented. "But there ain't no way you can keep up with me." He disappeared and reappeared behind her, his momentum nearly too fast for her to follow. He pulled at a strand of hair, toying with her as she whipped herself around to land a solid kick to his forearm. She retreated back and sighed. It was going to be a long day.

* * *

It was late when they finally made it back to the apartment. They made a stop at a noodle stand, both starving after hours of practice, though of the two of them, only Haruka looked as if she was participating. Grimmjow was hardly phased.

"I'm going to bed." She announced upon dropping her keys in the bowl next to the door and tossing her shoes off.

"Already? We haven't even watched the match!" He whined as he moved around her and towards the TV.

"We just had a ten hour match. Isn't that enough fighting for you for one day?"

"Ain't never enough."

Haruka rolled her eyes before moving into her room. "Good night." She offered.

"Night." He returned half heartedly, his focus already on the boxing match on the TV. Or so she suspected.

He waited several minutes until her reishi was settled and he could no longer sense movement from her. Then, in a flash, he was gone, her zanpakuto clenched tightly in his hand.

He stuck to the rooftops as it was dark enough that people wouldn't notice him. It had been awhile since he had to find the small little shop tucked in the center of Karakura Town. Luckily, it was easily distinguishable from the other buildings around it. That and the shop owner's familiar reishi was always easily to weed out from the hordes of other humans in the area.

He didn't knock as he forcefully pushed the sliding door to the side. "Clogs!" He bellowed out as he moved through the small shop.

"My, my. A guest at this hour?" Urahara appeared from a door in the back wearing a bright floral robe and holding a steaming cup of tea. "Ah, Grimmjow-san! To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"I need you to remove this." He answered as he held out the zanpakuto, forcing the hilt in Urahara's face.

"Hmm, how peculiar. Is this Akiyama-san's zanpakuto?" His curious gaze shifted to Grimmjow's serious face.

"Don't ask stupid questions." He grouched.

Urahara smirked. "She left this particular detail out of her life history." He mentioned while taking the zanpakuto. "It is a very old and complex seal."

"Well if Aizen couldn't break it…" Grimmjow began before being cut off.

"Aizen wouldn't have broken the seal even after revealing himself to her." He interrupted.

"That doesn't make sense." He argued.

"Doesn't it? I'm sure you've spent enough time in her presence to know she is a soft-hearted soul; much more so than yourself. If he gave her access to her powers and then she discovered his true intentions, I imagine she wouldn't have just left without at least trying to stop him."

"Why would Aizen be afraid of her?" Grimmjow snorted.

"The same reason everyone else was. The S4G was a very dangerous group of people. Do I think they deserved to be exterminated? No, but the sealing away of their powers was certainly a necessary step." Urahara moved to a nearby table and gently placed the sword down.

"You're saying she's dangerous?" This time he couldn't hold back the laugh.

"I'll admit, she's been beaten down so many times, she probably feels no stronger than an everyday human at this point. However, don't underestimate her, Grimmjow-san. She has a lot of heart."

Grimmjow snorted. "Yea and what does that get you?"

Urahara's wide, conceded smile was enough to make Grimmjow want to punch him, but he relented. "Oh I don't know. Maybe ask Kurosaki-san? If anyone fought with heart, it was him."

"Yea and look where he is now." Grimmjow sneered. "Ruka's worried about me making a mess of things, yet look at her? She's gotten herself into a shit ton of trouble."

"All the more reason it's good to have you around, Grimmjow-san." Urahara purred.

Grimmjow said nothing, an unease working its way into his muscles. She was asleep in her bed when he left her and that's where she'll be when he gets back. No one will lay a hand on her while she's there. The only people that knew her location was him and clogs. She was fine.

"So, I will need a day or so to get the right equipment but I think I should be able to remove it." Urahara announced suddenly.

"Yea, that's fine. I'll keep her distracted until then."

"She did not agree to this I assume?"

"Of course not. She's a damn goody two shoes." He sputtered. "If Soul Society told her to jump off a cliff-"

"I'd like to think she's a bit more strong willed than you give her credit for." Urahara interrupted and Grimmjow paused. "Regardless, I do agree with you. It would be wise that if she plans on staying here, she needs to be able to defend herself. No one else is going to be able to do it for her. Am I right, Grimmjow-san?"

A noise similar to a growl rumbled from his throat. "I just want a decent sparring partner." He deflected. "Unless you want to go at it, old man." A grin broke out on Grimmjow's face.

"I think Akiyama-san would be able to handle you much better than I." Urahara chuckled as his lanky fingers slid around the sword's sheath. He started to turn, moving deeper into the shop before pausing. "One more thing, Grimmjow-san." His head tilted, just enough for a single eye to lock onto the questioning blue stare. "I know it was part of our arrangement, but I do appreciate you keeping an eye on her. She is a bit too kind hearted for her own good, isn't she?"

Grimmjow's jaw tightened. "Yea, well as long as you get Kurosaki back to his old self I can handle babysitting for a bit longer."

A small smile pulled on Urahara's lips. "So kind of you." Then, the mysterious man moved to the back of the shop, disappearing from Grimmjow's view.


	8. Chapter 8

_/* Thank you all for the favorites, follows, and feedback as always. Just a little disclaimer: I used good ol' google translate for the zanpakuto names and abilities. That said I'm fully aware that they may not be 100% accurate. It's the best I can do with my time constraints. Enjoy! */_

* * *

 _*Thump* The crashing against the door echoed throughout the empty room. *Thump* Everything she worked so hard for, everything she was trying to atone for was crashing down around her. *Thump* Any moment those monstrous hollows that were once her brethren would come smashing through the door to consume her. *Thump* Her entire life was one long path of failures._

*Thump*

*Thump* Thump* Thump*

"Akiyama! Open up!"

Haruka groaned as she rolled over in her bed. Just what time was it anyway?

"Akiyama!" The muffled shout of a familiar voice echoed out from the main doorway. Haruka immediately jumped out of bed, stumbling and half disoriented from being in a dead sleep.

"I'm coming!" She shouted back as she moved through the apartment, a heavy comforter wrapped around herself. When she reached the door, she tugged at the locks and opened the door. "Ishida-san? What are you doing here?"

He pushed his way past her and moved towards the living room. His steely glare could not even hold her gaze for a second, disappointment plastered on his features. "Sit." He commanded as she closed the door.

"What's this about?" She asked as she took a seat across from him.

"I should be asking you that." He returned. "What in the hell were you thinking?"

Her brow scrunched in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"Yamazaki!" He managed to lower his voice enough for the name to come out as a harsh whisper.

Immediately, Haruka's face conveyed her guilt. "How do you know about that?"

"How do I know? How about the fact that I had two cops come to my hospital and question my staff about you. There were witnesses that saw you and Yamazaki in some kind of fight. He was slashed from his neck all the way down to his groin. I know you were upset about that shooting, but this? This is just too far, Haruka."

She grimaced at the accusation. "I did not murder him. He kidnapped me and-" She paused, thinking on the repercussions of what she almost revealed.

"And what?" His voice was impatient, scolding. He really was devastated by this.

"Nothing." She looked away, her eyes scanning the floor for something to distract her.

"You know I can't have you come back."

Her eyes immediately jumped to meet his once more. "What?" The word came out on a shallow breath, the air from her lungs evaporating.

"You are the number one suspect for the murder of a prominent businessman. They will drag you to prison and never let you out. You need to lie low. They won't find you here." He stood up and approached her. "I wish there was some other way."

"Ishida-san, please." She felt the tears as they pricked her violet eyes. They constricted her voice, making it a hoarse whisper. She was losing everything.

His face fell, actual sympathy showing through as he averted his gaze. "I'm sorry."

Haruka didn't have a second to think as a whirlwind collided with the man in front of her. Ishida was quick enough to block the oncoming blow to the face, but he was just as shocked as she was. "Who the fuck are you?" Grimmjow's raging voice asked.

"Grimmjow!" Haruka sprinted towards him, wrapping her hands around his bulging arm and tugging. "Get off of him!"

Grimmjow ignored her, shrugging her off with ease. "I said, who the fuck are you?"

Ishida sneered, glancing at Haruka to direct his statement to her. "What interesting company you keep."

"He's just a friend." She sputtered out as she continued to struggle to move the indomitable mass.

"I'd rather you didn't lie to me, Akiyama-san." Ishida returned, his dangerous glare matching Grimmjow's. "Though at least now I know what happened."

"Grimmjow, let go of him! He's my boss!" She shrieked. He glanced at her briefly before slowly backing away from the intruder.

"Was." Ishida corrected has he smoothed out his clothes.

Haruka faltered. "Right, was."

"Then you ain't got any reason to be here. Leave." Grimmjow spat.

"Leaving." Ishida returned, his voice cold with just a hint of his annoyance. "You should choose better company, Akiyama-san. He's less than stellar."

"Ishida-san-" Haruka reached for him, but he dismissed her, instead grabbing his coat and opening the door.

"I'll be in touch." He returned with harsh finality. Then the door slammed and Haruka deflated.

"What a dick." Grimmjow said lightly, causing her to turn her glare on him.

"He only acted that way because you attacked him! What the hell was that for, anyway?"

His lips fell into a frown. "You were crying." He returned and Haruka paused. "I know you blubber a lot, but for the most part the reasons are justified for someone like you."

"Someone like me?" She seethed.

"You're a damn emotional mess." He snorted.

"It's your fault I lost my job! You killed Yamazaki!" She accused.

"I'm not the one who got kidnapped." He shot back.

"Just leave me alone!" She shouted in frustration before storming towards the bedroom.

"Yea, because you know you're fucking wrong." He dug.

She stopped and turned, her eyes molten purple. "You are ruining my life, Grimmjow. I should have told Urahara to drop you on someone else's doorstep."

Any amusement he had prior dissipated instantly. An uncomfortable sensation felt as if it was stabbing him in the chest. It was unfamiliar. "Not my problem, Ruka." He grunted.

She sneered before turning away and storming back into the bedroom.

* * *

She tossed and turned most of the night as she replayed her words over and over again. A frustrated groan echoed out from her dry lips as she pushed herself up. As much as she tried to blame him for everything that had gone wrong, when she repeated the events in her head they always led to the same conclusion. It was her own damn fault.

She pushed herself out of bed and dragged tired limbs through the door. He was in his usual spot, completely disregarding her. "Grimmjow."

He didn't respond, instead opting to keep his attention on the show he was watching. "Hey, Grimmjow." She tried again and again he refused to acknowledge her. " _What a damn baby."_ She thought.

She huffed quietly to herself before moving in front of his view. "I'm trying to apologize here!"

He glanced at her, his expression bored. "You're in the way."

Her brow scrunched in disbelief. "Really? So you're not even going to hear me out?"

"Don't really care. Now move." He ordered as he nudged her in the side with his foot. She stumbled a bit as the force of it caught her off guard.

"You're such an ass." She sulked.

"Yea, I'm the ass." He scoffed.

"Look, I'm trying to apologize and you're completely ignoring me!"

"You're apologies don't mean shit to me."

"Fine!" She stormed off, grasping her dispenser from the counter before moving for the door. Grimmjow watched from the corner of his eye, immediately annoyed. He clenched his jaw, his brow creasing with his irritation. He couldn't just let her leave. She'd figure out her zanpakuto was missing the second she left her gigai.

"Hey, Ruka!" He called out just before she slipped her shoes on.

"What?" She seethed.

"If you want me to forgive you, take me out for breakfast." He said as he pushed himself off the couch.

"I'm not taking you anywhere." She returned.

"I guess you're not that sorry then." He shrugged.

She shot a glare in his direction before pulling out her wallet and counting the money inside. "Fine, let's go." She relented. "But nothing expensive! I don't have an income anymore."

He smirked. "Whatever you say."

The two walked together along the quiet morning streets, opting for the familiar noodle stand they had stopped at the night before. "Ah, look who it is? The cute couple from last night." The older gentleman working the stand chuckled. Haruka's cheeks reddened while Grimmjow scoffed. "What can I get you two?"

They sat next to one another and ordered, awkward silence following as the man went to work. Finally, Haruka drew up enough courage to speak. "Do you want to go to the training grounds after breakfast?"

He glanced over at her. "Nah."

"Are you really _that_ pissed at me?" she asked, her voice laced with surprise.

"Nah. I just don't feel like it." He replied. Disbelief lifted her brow as she stared at him. "What? Is it really so hard to believe I don't feel like beating the shit out of you today? It ain't that fun when there's no challenge." He snickered as her disbelief deteriorated, forming a scowl.

"I guess I'll just go visit Urahara then. Maybe he can find me another job." She turned to watch the stand owner continue his work.

"You still owe me a walk."

"I-wait what?" She turned her head to meet his gaze. "You still want to go?"

"Why wouldn't I?" He asked with a hint of annoyance.

"I-uh-ok. Ok, yea, we can go after this." A small smile upturned her lips.

A more comfortable silence followed for several minutes before the food was placed in front of them. "Eat up! Nothing starts your day like a hearty breakfast! And for two lovebirds like you…" The man chuckled to himself.

"Well, you see, we aren't actually-" Haruka started.

"Thanks, old man." Grimmjow cut in causing Haruka's blush to flourish further.

" _What is he doing?"_ She turned back to her meal, eating silently beside him.

When they finished, Haruka paid and then the two were walking again towards the outskirts of town where the trees bloomed. The harsh industrial noises of the town dimmed the further they went, the chirping of birds and insects filling the void. Haruka instantly felt tension melt away as greenery began filling her view. The path was well beaten, being a popular spot for anyone seeking solace from their busy lives. At least for the moment, it was empty on this early morning.

Grimmjow glanced over at her as they walked side by side. He could see her posture relax, the warm glow of the sun painting her face through the breaks in the trees. A content smile tugged at her lips and he couldn't stop the sudden pang of jealousy that formed.

"Why don't you come here more often?" He asked, silencing the wildlife around them.

She tilted her face up to look at him, confusion wiping away her pretty smile. "What do you mean?"

"It's obvious you like it here, yet since I've been here, you've never come this far out." He pointed out.

"I guess it's because it reminds me of home." She admitted. "And I can't go back home."

"Always with the 'I can't' and 'I shouldn't'. Why don't you just do what you fucking want? No one else matters."

She sighed. "Even if I went back, it wouldn't be the same. There will always be this cloud looming over me." An exaggerated eye roll was his only response before she continued. "And other people do matter. It's awfully lonely without others."

"Other people are just a pain in the ass. It's better to be alone. Things don't get fucked up that way."

She stopped, pinning him in place with her scrutinizing stare. "Do you really believe that?"

He hesitated, actually caught off guard by the impact of her question. "Of course I do." He returned, his voice lacking the usual confidence.

"It's people that shape our lives." She insisted again as she continued on her leisurely pace. He matched it, settling in beside her again.

"It's people that fuck our lives up. You can't deny that." He returned a bit more certain.

"Do I?"

He grit his teeth, annoyed by the unfamiliar sensations she managed to evoke with just simple words. "No, but I fucked your life up. That's what you said."

She grasped his wrist and turned him. He pulled harshly, freeing himself from her touch. "I was wrong." She urged. "And I'm sorry I said that. The only person responsible for my life is me. If anything, you saved me from making more mistakes."

He didn't respond. His gaze was shifted to the side, unable to look at her. He couldn't remember a single time in his life where someone had apologized to him and here she was. He always measured everyone by their strength and skill in battle, never by words and sensibility. She couldn't put a scratch on him when she tried, yet he couldn't deny a certain level of respect was developing for her. She wasn't just another asshole looking to dethrone him or a useless weakling in his way. If anything, she made him stop and think for the first time in his life. She was building his ability to appreciate more than just the battleground and he wasn't entirely sure how he felt about it.

"Come on. There's a nice little pond just another kilometer or so." She said cheerily, a wide smile causing the corners of her eyes to crinkle.

"Tch, you get happy about the weirdest things." He grumbled before following.

"Come on, grumpy!" She broke into a jog.

"Oi, I'm not running."

"Lazy!"

"Who you calling lazy!? I'll throw you in that pond!" He shouted as the distance between them increased.

"You have to catch me first, grumpy!" She teased on a laugh.

"Is that a challenge, Ruka?" A smirk formed as he broke into a run.

She screeched as she sprinted down the path. "No, no I was just kidding!" Her laughter broke out among the trees as he easily caught her. "Grimmjow, please! I don't want to get wet!"

"Too late." He held onto her with an iron grip as they came upon the pond.

"No!" She shrieked. Effortlessly he tossed her into the pond, the frogs and fish darting for safety. "Grimmjow!"

He laughed. "Next time you'll think twice before calling me lazy." Her hands erupted from beneath the surface, forcing water to splash at him. He lifted his arm to block the incoming droplets as his laughter dissipated. "Hey!"

She giggled as she splashed more water towards him. "That's what you get for throwing me in here!"

"You better hold your breath." He jumped in next to her, grabbing her wrists and sliding his leg beneath hers to cause her to fall.

"No, Grimmjow! My hair!" She shouted with her last breath before he pushed her under. He released her wrists, allowing her to jump back up to take a deep inhale of air. Then she charged him, jumping on his back and pushing with all her weight to get him under. "Why do you have to be so strong?" She enunciated each word with a shove.

He snorted before tossing her over his head and into the pond once again. "Too easy, Ruka."

She stood up and laughed lightly, surprising him. "At least it's hot out today. The water's not so bad." She moved up to the grass and sat in the sun.

He followed, taking a seat beside her. "I guess it ain't so bad here."

"Better than Hueco Mundo?" She questioned.

"Let's not get carried away." He returned. She chucked before nudging him gently with her elbow. He pushed into her shoulder half heartedly, nearly knocking her over. After they settled again, he spoke quietly. "Thanks for the walk, Ruka."

She smiled at him. Soaked strands of hair stuck to her forehead and cheeks, dripping to the ground. She was a mess. "Anytime."

* * *

"I'll make dinner after I take a shower. I need to clean the pond scum off my gigai." She said as they moved back into the apartment. Their clothes had long since dried from baking in the summer sun for hours, leaving a grungy film behind.

"Hurry up. I'm starving." He mentioned as he moved to his usual location.

"Yea, yea. You're always starving." She joked as she opened the door to her bedroom.

"All the more reason for you to hurry up." He shot back. He heard her scoff playfully before shutting the door. He settled in, turning the TV on and shuffling through his usual channels. His mind kept wandering back to their walk. The sweet sound of her laugh and everything it evoked reverberated in his mind. He liked her better like that, smiling and laughing and...happy.

A gentle tapping at the apartment door broke his train of thought. He reached out briefly sensing the familiar reiatsu of the clogged shopkeeper. He pushed himself to a stand and moved towards the door, eager to get to him before Haruka got out of the shower. Luckily for him she always took long showers.

The door groaned as it opened. "You get it done?" He asked upon seeing him.

Urahara pushed his way passed Grimmjow before pulling out Haruka's zanpakuto from beneath his clothing. "Good evening Grimmjow-san. I have it right here. It was only a little tricky to get the right tools, but these old seals aren't what they used to be."

A pleased grin formed Grimmjow's lips. "Good, now hand it over."

"Ah ah ah, just a minute. I actually wanted to do the honors, if that's ok with you. I'm rather curious about what I'm unleashing into society." He said as his fan seemed to magically appear in his hand, waving about idly.

"She's going to know I took it then." He argued as he attempted to reach for it, but being blocked by Urahara's swift movements.

"She's going to know regardless when she hears its voice again." He returned gleefully before his face went serious. "I need to know she's not going to abuse her abilities."

"I think you give her too much credit."

Before the conversation could move any further, the bedroom door was slowly creaking open. Haruka's surprised face greeted the two men. "Urahara-san? What are you doing here?"

Urahara slipped the zanpakuto away without her seeing before raising his arms up in excitement. "I came for dinner! I heard you were hosting."

She glanced at Grimmjow, still confused and he looked no more insightful to what was going on, just moderately annoyed.

"I-uh- well sure. Why not host my landlord?" She smiled as she moved to the kitchen to begin her food preparation. "But there's another reason that you're here."

"So insightful, Akiyama-san. I had heard from Ishida-san about what happened and came with a job offer." His smirk made her uncomfortable. Grimmjow moved back towards the couch, plopping on it dramatically.

"A job? What kind of job?" She asked suspiciously.

He took a seat at the table. "Oh nothing too complicated. My relations with Soul Society have been vastly improving since the fall of Aizen as you know. It has opened up a world of merchandise that many of my clients are clamoring for. I'm having difficulties keeping up with the deliveries on my own and would love to have someone assist me. It pays well."

Haruka glanced at him briefly before looking back down at the chopping board. "Nothing shady I hope."

"Akiyama-san! Your accusations pain me! I would never-"

"Cut the crap, Urahara." She pointed the butcher knife at him while giving him a stern look.

"I promise, nothing shady." He continued with that satisfied little smile that made her skin crawl. "It is _now_ all legitimate."

"Alright, I'll do it." She said.

"Wonderful! You can start on Monday. I'll let you have the rest of the weekend to relax. It can be a fairly demanding job." He returned.

"How kind of you." She replied sarcastically and Grimmjow snorted.

Simple conversation followed between Urahara and Haruka as she continued to make dinner. Grimmjow simply listened, not particularly interested in anything either of them were talking about. He was biding his time, waiting for when Urahara would reveal her weapon. Of course, clogs was going to wait until he got his meal before doing something so reckless.

The three of them sat together at the table and ate. "You really are a talented cook, Akiyama-san. I would hire you as my personal chef if Tessai wouldn't be so insulted." Urahara mentioned after finishing his meal.

"Thank you." She replied modestly.

"Eh, she's alright." Grimmjow teased.

"Last time I make a meal for you." She threatened back.

"Your wallet begs to differ."

"Uh-huh."

"On that note, I do have one more thing to go over with you." Urahara shifted in his seat, causing Grimmjow to perk up. "I have a delivery for you, Akiyama-san."

In one swift motion, Urahara was setting Haruka's zanpakuto in front of her. "My zanpakuto? What were you doing-" She stopped mid-sentence, her hand immediately moving to slide along the sheath. Her breath caught as her eyes slid shut. She felt it. It was a vibration that settled in the back of her mind. It was a voice she had long forgotten.

" _Haruka"_

"Dairokkan..." She whispered. It was sudden, the immense sense of relief and absolute nostalgia. "You broke the seal." Her other hand lifted to the hilt where the seal once was. "It's been so long. I can barely hear it."

"It will come back. Perhaps some training tomorrow will help you." Urahara said, his tone mellow and content.

"Did you give this to him?" Her eyes slid up to Grimmjow who shrugged nonchalantly.

"I told you I wanted a decent sparring partner." He deflected.

Her smile grew as her hands tightened around the sword that was once again more than just a tool. It was a piece of her restored. "Thank you. Thank you both."

Grimmjow waved her off, dismissing her appreciation. Urahara, however, had concerns to address. "Akiyama-san, I did this because you stated you were not going to go back to Soul Society. I hope you realize that this is now a permanent arrangement. You will not be able to go back like this."

She sobered. While it had always been her plan to stay in the World of the Living, she always had an option to return in the case she was acquitted for her crimes. Now, however, she would be forever banished, her death a certainty if she did go back. Her kind were not welcome in Soul Society. "I understand."

"I hope that you also understand that these abilities that will be awakened to you once more should be used in our fight and struggle for balance. Don't make me regret this."

"I won't, Urahara-san. I promise." She locked her stare onto him, giving her word with everything she had.

"Good! This has gone much better than I could have expected. I will take my leave now. I will see you on Monday." He announced as he prepared to leave. "Thank you again for the meal."

"You're welcome. Thank you for everything, Urahara." She returned.

"Later, clogs." Grimmjow gave a single wave on his way to the couch without looking.

"Good night!"

After the door shut, Haruka remained standing there, an iron grip wrapped around her zanpakuto. She had forgotten what it felt like. She had been so lost for so long and part of it was because of losing her connection. She was finally starting to get pieces of herself back. She felt like she could finally live again.

"Going to bed, Ruka?" Grimmjow asked finally after she stood there for awhile.

"Huh? Oh yea I guess. I just-"

"Don't have to explain it to me." He replied with solemn understanding.

She nodded. "Thanks, Grimmjow."

"Yea yea, just actually be a challenge when we train tomorrow? I hate wasting my time." He grumbled.

She smirked knowingly. "Ok."


	9. Chapter 9

" _Haruka…" Her voice was distant, garbled. "Forgotten...betrayal…lost…"_

" _Dairokkan, I can't hear you." She called out to the darkness._

" _Lost...senses…"_

" _Dairokkan!"_

She awoke from her meditation, disoriented and longing. She had been at it most of the night, trying desperately to reach her zanpakuto. It was disheartening to know how fragmented her connection had become. She felt as if she were searching in an endless sea for that one tiny ship that held her partner.

Mimi was curled in a corner, gentle snoring filtering into the space. Haruka sighed while pressing her hand into her face, frustration and exhaustion mingling together.

A loud banging against her door had her gaze shifting. "Oi, Ruka! Get up already!" Mimi shot up, a surprised shriek releasing and causing her roommate to storm into her room. He looked from Mimi to her and immediately grimaced. "You should wait until we're at the training grounds for that. You're going to attract attention." He scolded.

She snorted. "You being responsible?" Irritability laced her tone.

"I don't feel like finding a new place to hide out." He said as he dragged Mimi to her feet, pulling her over to where Haruka sat.

"I was only meditating." She rationalized.

"All night?" His scrutinizing gaze ran over her.

"I still can't hear her." She slumped, her face falling into the palms of her hands. "How can I not hear her?"

"You'll get it back." He assured uncomfortably. "Once you get fighting, you'll get your instincts back."

She lifted her head, her tired features meeting his sapphire stare. "You're right." She whispered. "Can we go now?"

"Yea," his voice was low and rumbled along her skin. "Let's go now."

Haruka switched back into her gigai and walked silently with Grimmjow to the training grounds. Her detachment from her zanpakuto had sullied her joy at the broken seal. She grew complacent in her disconnect and now that it was returning, she only felt more guilt at letting it happen in the first place. " _It's better than being executed."_ She attempted to rationalize but it felt weak. " _I should have just ran with the others. I should have left. Then none of this would have happened. I would have never met Kenji and he would have never been dragged into Aizen's experiments. He would have still been alive."_

"You got the key?" Grimmjow asked as he scraped his foot against the floor where the entrance should be.

She pulled herself from the regretful thoughts and took out the key. The floor opened up and her body moved automatically down the stairs. She didn't notice the pair of intense blue examining her.

"Ruka." His voice shattered the fog she had fallen back into. "Don't live in the past. It'll only get you killed."

She swallowed hard, unable to voice a significant response.

She didn't have to. A moment later and he was switching out of his gigai, Crey sprinting for safety. She followed in his actions, but instead of running to Crey, Mimi paused. "Lady-sama…"

"It's fine, Mimi. Stay out of the way." Her voice was harsh, commanding. It lacked any of her usual warmth and compassion. It was ice cold.

Mimi looked on with concern for a few moments more before slowly walking towards Crey.

Grimmjow kept his gaze on her, his lips pulled down into a frown and his expression serious. There was no joy, no amusement. He could feel how her reiatsu thrummed dangerously around her, absorbing every ounce of misery and regret. She was a ball of self-loathing and he half wondered if this was a mistake. "Show me what you got, Ruka." His voice lacked emotion, a perfect reflection to her grave posture.

"Void, Dairokkan." An explosion of dark violet reiatsu erupted around her. She stood, motionless and limp-looking, as defenseless as a child, yet the sheer power of it forced him to take a step back. Then there were her eyes. The vibrant purple he had grown so accustomed to faded to a pale lavender, a show of the shift in her power.

"A subtraction for a gain. You're blind." He observed. She did not react. "What is it you gain?"

"It's not like you to care." Her voice was distorted, vibrating the very air and colliding with his reiatsu. "You just want your fight."

He scoffed. "I guess clogs was right."

A scowl formed on her pretty face in return. "Prepare yourself, Grimmjow." In an instant, she vanished. Her speed increased tenfold, nearly matching his own. She appeared behind him, her glowing zanpakuto slicing down towards him. His eyes widened in surprise as he turned, unsheathed his sword, and blocked her incoming attack.

He didn't have time for a rebuttal. She vanished again in a cloud of black and electric purple. Her sword came at him horizontally, aimed for his midsection. He grunted at the force of it, the two swords grinding against one another. He dug his heels in, finished with assessing her and her new abilities. He knew he didn't have to hold back anymore.

With his incredible strength, he parried her sword and sent his foot into her chest. She blocked it with her knee, yet still being forced back against the dirt from his raw power. It did nothing to deter her efforts. She jumped, her lithe form flying above him and blocking the view of the moon. "Raito o keshimasu!" She shouted and her reiatsu shifted, wrapping around her sword in a fog of electric shocks. She collided with him, a cloud of dust and sand exploding around them.

"Lady-sama!" Mimi shouted from behind the stairs as her and Crey watched the lingering debris settle back down. When the area cleared, shocked gasps escaped both of them. Grimmjow's jacket was in tatters, his hakama now with several rips. What surprised them the most, however, were the several lacerations along his arms and chest.

Grimmjow clenched his jaw as he held the weight of her reiatsu against his sword. He was not expecting such an impact and how the hell did she slice through his armor?

She jumped back, swiping her sword so the drops of his blood spattered to the ground. Her eyes were still locked onto him despite her not being able to see. Her features were cold and serious, her lips pulled into a frown.

As much as he enjoyed a good fight, there was something about this that just didn't _feel_ right. It was as if he were fighting a different person. This wasn't the same girl he had been living with for the past several weeks. He was going to have to beat the senses back into her. "I'm not going easy on you anymore, Ruka."

She smirked, the first real show of emotion this entire fight. "Nice try, _Arrancar_. You don't scare me."

"Then I've obviously given you the wrong impression." He spat back before charging. He attacked from the right first, slashing his hand towards her arm. She shifted, instantly adjusting her defense. He attempted again on the left and then again from behind when she blocked him. " _How the hell is she seeing my moves before I even make them?"_

On his fourth attempt, she found an opening. "Raito o keshimasu!"

"Fuck." He retreated to a rock formation on the other side of the training grounds, holding a particularly deep wound on his shoulder. "What the fuck is with her!? How is she breaking through so damn easily?"

He stared at her, her form relaxed and limp once more. Yet those eyes, they were still watching him so perfectly. There was no way she was truly blind. That's when it clicked in his mind. " _Dairokkan...she has a sixth sense. I fucking bet she can see reiatsu."_

To test his theory, he charged her, but this time he flared his reiatsu to her left. He saw her gaze move ever so slightly, following it. Then he struck. An overwhelming kick collided into her right side, catching her completely off guard.

She grimaced as she pushed herself back to a stand. She went on the offensive, both of them colliding in a force of whirling storms. Blue danced with purple as the two continued their fight. Grimmjow grew more and more aware of her limits and she landed fewer blows. She was growing tired. Years of dormancy was catching up to her and in that instant he finally ended it.

Her pained screech echoed across the desert grounds as blood painted the sand. She fell to her knees, her zanpakuto crashing down and her eyes becoming familiar to him. He stood over her, his sword dripping in her lifeforce and it made his stomach twist. His nose scrunched at the smell and he found himself fighting the urge to go to her aid.

"It's over, Ruka." He announced as she remained on her knees, gasping for air.

"Th-that didn't feel right." She rasped.

He tilted his head, regarding her with confusion. "What?"

"I didn't feel right. I was so _angry_ and just… It wasn't like me." She brought her hand up to her chest, a bright blue light flaring as she worked her kido to heal the massive injury.

"Yea, I noticed." Relief briefly flashed in the back of his mind as he watched her skin knit back together.

"If it's ok with you, I want to stick around and meditate for awhile. I feel like the connection is stronger." She pushed herself to a shaky stand, her zanpakuto in hand.

"Yea, whatever. I got nothing better to do." He shrugged.

"Thanks. I'll try not to take too long." She flash stepped further into the training grounds, finding a nicely formed rock to sit on. She placed her zanpakuto next to her and held her hands in her lap. Her eyes closed and she reached out to her weapon.

" _How dare you!" The familiar voice hissed._

" _Dairokkan…" She whispered in agony._

" _You let them lock me away for years and years. Finally I'm free and this is how I'm treated? You use me when it's convenient for you." Haruka could see in her mind the formation of her zanpakuto. She was surrounded by a cloud, electricity flaring and brightening her form._

" _You don't understand." Haruka urged._

" _I understand it all. I may not have been able to speak, but I've been watching. I see everything, Haruka. I watched you weaken day after day. I watched as you withered away, losing everything dear to you and not having the will to fight. I watched as you tried to repent, but you repent for nothing. Nothing will clear you of your sins because you will never even see where you are truly wrong." That voice declared. Years of pent up words spilled onto Haruka's conscious. "What have you truly atoned for?"_

" _I-"_

" _How will you ever forgive yourself for Kenji?"_

 _Complete anguish enveloped her mind and made it impossible to consider a response._

" _What will you do when you have to face them?"_

" _I haven't really thought about it." She answered._

" _That's because you are too busy filling your time with that Arrancar, Aizen's Arrancar!" The sword accused._

" _He isn't with Aizen anymore."_

" _He is just as guilty as you are. Though his will for survival and lack of compassion allows him to move passed his demons. You are not so fortunate." She tormented. "What will you do when Haru and Satomi finally find you?"_

" _I-I don't know."_

" _If you want my strength, Haruka, you have to find your own first." Her voice mellowed, becoming more gentle. "You have to make a decision."_

A shudder ran up and down her spine as she freed herself from her meditation. She looked over the flat, sandy terrain until her eyes found Crey and Mimi. The one was sound asleep on her back while the other sat on the stairs with his head back and his gaze on the sky. The final companion was nowhere in sight.

She jumped down from the rock and flash stepped towards the gigais. "Where's Grimmjow?" She asked on a strained voice.

Crey lifted his head and regarded her solemnly while Mimi quietly stirred. "Lady-sama! Are you ok?" She flailed upon seeing Haruka.

"Yes, I'm fine. Where is Grimmjow?" She insisted, an unease settling into her muscles. "He's not supposed to leave without his gigai."

"He didn't, Akiyama-sama." Crey answered while pointing over to a seperate formation on the opposite side of where she was settled. He was on his back, a single stick of grass stuck between his lips as his eyes trained on the moon above.

She regarded him for several minutes, feeling the new tension between them even at this distance. Their spar had not gone well and it was obvious in the way he was acting. "Grimmjow!" She called to him and his gaze shifted slightly towards her. "I'm going back home. Are you coming?"

"Nah." He replied as his eyes slid shut.

Her face distorted slightly, a flash of disappointment shining through. "Alright." She turned and started making her way towards the exit. "Come on, Mimi. Crey, you need to stay here."

"Yes, Akiyama-sama!" Crey saluted as the two walked passed him and up the stairs. When they were out of sight, he approached the giant rock jutting out of the ground. "Master, are you sure it's wise to let her go by herself?"

Grimmjow's brow furrowed. "Why should I care?" Irritation laced his tone.

Crey deflated. "But she's-"

"She's got to figure it out on her own. I can't hold her fucking hand." He snapped.

Crey's head dipped lower, his voice filled with disappointment and worry. "Yes, master."

* * *

Haruka's walk home was uneventful. Most of it was spent lost in thought, trying to recollect her spar. She remembered bits and pieces, but worst of all, she recalled feeling absolute rage and a strong desire to kill him. She had injured him several times and felt no remorse until she finally broke out of her zanpakuto's released form. Was it Dairokkan's hatred that fueled her strong desire to harm him? Or was this really how she used to be; so cold and calculating? It had been so many years, she really didn't remember.

Beyond that, a far more devastating thought had found its way into her mind. Or rather, a question. What was she going to do when she finally faced her lover's siblings?

She sighed upon entering the apartment. She went through her usual routine: keys in the bowl, shoes off, dispenser on the counter, roll eyes at the Arrancar-but he wasn't there. The place felt so empty without him. It was more than just emptiness. It was lonesome. She knew he must have taken her brutal attack personally, but really why would he care? He had responded with similar force, causing the giant gash from her shoulder to her abdomen.

But during their entire fight, she didn't once see his usual joy, his sheer excitement from battle. Maybe he truly felt threatened by her and it caused him to be more serious. Or maybe... _maybe_ he really didn't want to fight her like that.

"I hate this." She whispered as she collapsed onto her bed and stared at the ceiling. "Do I really deserve all this?"

Her question was never answered and instead she opted for quiet tears to eventually exhaust her into sleep.

* * *

He arrived hours later when the moon was high and the streets nearly empty. He could smell the stench of her sorrow the second he burst through the window. At least he could sense she was asleep.

He found himself on the couch, his eyes trained on the ceiling. Just what the hell was wrong with him lately? The way she fought with such anger directed at him had made him falter. She had fought him with the intention to kill. That should have been what he wanted, an enemy with a desire to see him fall so he could fight with everything he had. But with her, he hated it. It wasn't what he wanted. She didn't fight with her heart.

"Fuck you clogs." He spat into the air angrily. "Just what kind of shit did I get myself into?"


	10. Chapter 10

_/* So I have a love/hate relationship with this chapter. I rewrote a few sections over a few times and feel like I just have to let it go as it is. There are a lot of perspective switches in this chapter (sorry for that) so hopefully it's not too confusing. Regardless, hope you enjoy and thanks for reading! */_

* * *

Haruka took her time as she smashed the alarm on her clock. She was going to miss sleeping in, but having a job would help distract her from all the horrendous thoughts swirling around her head.

She dressed quietly in the solace of her room. A gentle breeze fluttered her curtains and the sounds of chirping birds nulled the silence. When she finally moved into the main part of the apartment, she was half expecting him not to be there. So when she laid eyes on the sleeping Arrancar, a sense of relief fell over her. It was strange. It wasn't relief from knowing he was staying out of trouble. He had been there long enough now for his motives to be solidified and if he wasn't going out and causing trouble now, he probably never would. No, this sense of relief came from the comfort of his company and that was much more disturbing to her.

She considered waking him, and then immediately dismissed the thought entirely. In fact, she dismissed her entire morning routine. Instead, she snuck out of the apartment and drove off towards the Urahara shop.

* * *

His eyes slid open the moment the door shut, his look somber. His mind kept slipping back to that fight, to her anger. Just why the hell was this bothering him so much? This was getting out of hand. The only possible reason why he could be spending this much time mulling over their spar was because, dare he even suggest, he was starting to care.

He pushed himself up to a stand and flug his fist towards one of the brick walls, a crack forming on contact. His head fell forward, those pale blue locks cascading into his vision. She doesn't matter. She wasn't why he was here. He can't give two shits about what happens to her. This has to end.

Clogs wasn't making good on his promise. He would find Kurosaki himself, assess the worth of that bitch boy shinigami, and then go back to Hueco Mundo. He'd throw Halibel and Nel out of his castle and take control like he was meant to. He didn't have time for these games anymore.

He might as well start his search while Ruka was out playing delivery girl. He'd just have to make sure he stayed off her radar. " _Shouldn't be a problem…"_

* * *

"Good morning, Akiyama-san! How was your weekend?" Urahara greeted.

"Good morning. It was fine, thank you. How was yours?" She responded with as much false cheer as she could muster. He was the last one she wanted poking into her private business. And he was a professional at poking into places he didn't belong.

"Very good, thank you. Are you ready for your first day?" He asked as he piled several boxes next to her car.

"That's a lot of boxes." She said with some skepticism.

"I did warn you that business has been booming." He chuckled.

"Well let me get started then."

"Happy delivering!"

Her day moved along uneventfully, though she learned that Urahara had far more interesting connections in the World of the Living than he would ever let on. Despite her curiosity, however, she kept contact to a minimum and knew that none of this business would be beneficial to her. She was just a simple delivery girl.

Her last delivery of the day brought her to the doorstep of a familiar name. "Kurosaki clinic?" She questioned as she approached the door. Did Urahara really send her to Ichigo Kurosaki's place? Despite that, she knew she had to make this delivery. She needed her pay before Grimmjow resorted to eating food right off the store shelves.

Her legs felt extra heavy as she knocked on the door. " _Please don't let it be Kurosaki-san, please, please-"_ The door opened erratically, a familiar voice pulling her attention.

"Yeah, yeah, I got it!" Ichigo Kurosaki appeared with his unruly bright orange hair and a complete look of dejection. "Can I help you?"

"U-uh, I- Oh, yes! I'm sorry. I have a delivery for you from the Urahara shop." She bowed slightly while outstretching the package. Ichigo's expression immediately turned suspicious.

He stared at the package for several long moments before finally taking it. "Who are you?"

"Huh?" She looked startled as she straightened. "Oh, I'm just helping out." She averted her eyes, the guilt from lying causing a blush.

"I've never seen you before." He reiterated. She didn't know how to respond so she just stared at the flowerbed for a few moments longer. "Ah, not like it matters. I'm sure Urahara has his hands full now that he's back on good terms with Soul Society." Haruka could hear the strain behind his optimism. It was then she attempted to feel out his reishi. It was...almost nonexistent. The rumors were true. He lost everything in the battle with Aizen. He was just a normal human. The pain of that fact was permanently etched onto his face.

She attempted to bury the sympathy forming on her features. Seeing him like that was bringing forth a tremendous amount of shame. This man fought the strongest being in existence, sacrificed everything to save everyone. What had she done? She had only perpetuated the cycle. And now she had her powers back and for what? To continue her fugitive streak and to murder her lover's brother and sister?

"I must be going now." Haruka bowed once more before turning to leave.

"Wait. What's your name?"

Haruka paused, her eyes wide with surprise. "Um, It's Haruka Akiyama."

"Haruka, huh?" He smiled, his disappointment effectively buried. "Welcome to the World of the Living."

"Thanks." Haruka responded, feeling unsure.

With one last wave, Haruka was off, a ball of controlled rage bristling beneath. " _Urahara, what are you up to?"_

* * *

"Ah, Akiyama-san! You've returned. How was your first day of deliveries?" He was sitting on the raised floor, his legs crossed as he waved that fan in front of his face.

"Why are you lying to Grimmjow?" She asked without hesitation.

"Lying? My, my, that is some accusation, Akiyama-san." His face was satisfyingly infuriating.

"Ichigo Kurosaki has the same reishi as any ordinary human. His reiatsu is laughable. He lost everything in the fight with Aizen, didn't he? He's not going to get it back. Why did you promise Grimmjow he would?" She approached him, angry and untrusting.

Urahara sighed before slapping his fan together obnoxiously. He stood and turned. "Why don't you come have a seat and I'll make us some tea?"

"No." She said firmly, halting Urahara. He turned his head just enough to glance at her with his left eye. "What kind of sneaky nonsense are you trying to pull this time?"

"If you insist." He twisted to face her completely, no longer smiling. "I'm holding on to him as a chip in my pocket so to speak." He sat back down, bravely facing the fuming ex-shinigami.

"You're using him? You realize when he finds out about this, he's going to come looking for a fight!" She yelled.

"He won't find out about it, unless you decide to spill all of this to him. But I believe even you are smart enough to realize the consequences of that."

"Why the World of the Living? You could have easily made that promise to him and have him stay in Hueco Mundo for the time being. I mean, what are you expecting? We just finished the war with Aizen and his Arrancars. You think that we are going to be thrust into another detrimental situation so soon?" Her anger was fading the more she spoke, eager to know what the man in front of her was thinking.

"I hope not, but we are limited on allies. Seireitei is in shambles, Hueco Mundo is a mess, and as you've noticed, Kurosaki-san is no longer someone we can rely on in times of crisis. All three worlds are extremely vulnerable at this time. We need as many on our side as we can get. If that means bribing Grimmjow into helping, then so be it."

"You mean lying." She sneered.

"And I'd rather have him here because I cannot keep track of what goes on in Hueco Mundo. If he's here, it means I can keep an eye on him." Urahara explained. "I'll admit I was hoping to find a way to bring Kurosaki-san's abilities back, but it seems even I am limited on how many miracles I can perform. I do not know if Kurosaki-san will ever be what he once was." He stood up again, leaning down into Haruka's face. "It does mean, however, that I never lied to Grimmjow-san. I said I was going to do everything I could to get Kurosaki-san back to his old self. I wasn't lying about that." He leaned back with a smile, fanning himself. "It isn't my fault Grimmjow-san took that as a definite."

"You are going to get yourself into a heap of trouble one day, Urahara-san." She scolded before turning to leave.

"One more thing, Akiyama-san." He said as he approached her, handing her an envelope with what she suspected was her payment. "There was another reason I chose you to watch over him." His voice was playful, teasing. Haruka looked up at him after stuffing away the envelope, curiosity getting the better of her. "Have you made a decision on what you are going to do when your pursuers finally catch up to you?"

Her eyes went wide at first before falling, a distraught look playing across her features. "I have."

"I see." Urahara frowned. "Perhaps you may rethink your decision before they arrive."

She didn't answer, deciding instead to leave. "Good night, Urahara-san."

"See you tomorrow."

And with that, she drove into the night, heading to the last place she would ever call home.

* * *

"Oi, it's about time! I'm starving." Sapphire eyes and pale blue hair flooded her vision the moment she walked through the door.

"I just bought groceries two days ago. You could have made something to eat." She snapped as her roommate dug through her wallet. He growled when he noticed it was empty.

"I don't have time for that." He grumbled before pulling at her jacket, as wild and untamed as any hungry predator. She pulled the envelope from her inside pocket and held it in front of him. He grabbed it, a smirk playing across his face as he pulled out a few bills and handed the rest back to her, much to her surprise.

"You've been here all day." She deadpanned, earning a glare before she moved around him and went straight for the couch. She sat on the soft cushion, setting her elbows on her knees and letting her face fall into her hands. She had expected Grimmjow to have left by now, but the perceptive bastard had picked up on a scent that made his hackles rise.

"You saw Kurosaki?" His voice was borderline feral, that instinct to fight plaguing him once again or so she assumed. Unbeknownst to her, he spent the majority of his day looking for the very same person who's scent now lingered on her.

She raised her head to glare at him, annoyance clear as day in every aspect of her from posture to facial expression. "I had to make a delivery to his clinic today." She stated plainly.

Grimmjow's lips peeled back revealing a dangerous set of teeth. "You went to Kurosaki's place and you didn't think to take me with you!?" His control was slipping. A mixed result of not having anything to eat and being cooped up in the World of the Living way too long.

"No." She stated plainly, not giving in to his tantrum.

Grimmjow lost it. He tackled her, pinning her to the couch and snapping his jaw within an inch of her face. "Where is he!?" He demanded.

She was unphased by his aggression, familiar with it enough by now. "I'm not telling you." Her brow furrowed, determination set in every line.

"Tell me where he is, Ruka. I'm warning you…" He growled, his patience nearly gone, but she hardly cared.

"Or what? You'll kill me? Then just do it already. It will save them the hassle." She said quietly, her expression falling into one of cold sorrow.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" He pushed himself up, still straddling her hips, but his posture less threatening.

"Why is it that all you care about is fighting Ichigo Kurosaki?" She asked solemnly, deflecting his question. "You care about nothing else."

"That's right." He responded, carefully considering her.

"If you're going to fight, at least fight for something! Have some meaning to your life instead of just killing everyone that gets in your way." She insisted while pushing herself up and sliding out from under him. He allowed it, if only to grasp what the hell she was talking about.

"I don't have to explain myself to you, Ruka. Besides I already told you why I fight." He shrugged while moving off the couch and to a stand, towering over her.

"It's not good enough!" Her voice was aching, her eyes beginning to well with tears she desperately tried to fight off. It confused him. Why was she so passionate about this all of a sudden?

"Well what the hell do you fight for, huh? What makes you so much better than me, Akiyama- _sama_?" He teased angrily.

His words stung, and she found herself biting back her emotions. They sunk into her again. "I'm not better than you." She said quietly, effectively sobered. "I'm not better than anyone."

"Then why the fuck are you bothering me about this shit, yet again?" He ground out, his patience for this woman continuing to surprise him. Anyone else and he would of killed them by now. Or at least tear their damn tongue out of their mouth.

"Because you deserve a reason to be happy." She whispered shamefully. "You deserve to have some meaning in your life."

"What?" He nearly laughed, would have laughed if she wasn't looking so hopelessly determined in that moment. "Why do you care, Ruka?"

"What if Kurosaki never gets his powers back? What if you're waiting around here for nothing?" She asked completely bypassing his question.

"Then I'll go back to Hueco Mundo and take Las Noches back from Nel and Halibel." He shrugged. "Again, why do you care?"

"I don't know." She whispered painfully before rushing passed him and towards her bedroom.

She didn't think he'd bother with her. She was just a nuisance to him after all. All she was good for was a roof over his head and an easy meal. For some reason that hurt her even more. Why did she care? He was just using her as a free ride until he got bored and went back to Hueco Mundo. He was a selfish, egotistical, rude-

A forceful grasp around her wrist yanked her back. She tried to pull away, to fight him, but he was _so_ much stronger than she was. She hated it. She didn't want him to see that raw liquid emotion streaming down her cheeks. She didn't want him to know that she resolved herself to death. She would no longer be a coward.

He wrenched her arm almost painfully, frustrated simply at the fact that he hated seeing her like this. "This can't all be for me." He declared as he ran a thumb across her cheek bone, feeling the wetness there.

"You got a second chance at life, Grimmjow. You should be doing something more with it than just this." She replied, her eyes unable to hold his gaze.

He tilted his head curiously, finally understanding where all this underlying sorrow was stemming from. She was throwing herself to the dogs. She was going to give up to those assholes that were after her. "You fucking coward."

Her eyes fell into a glare then, anger sparking her back to life. "Coward? I've been a coward my whole life! This is the first time I've ever accepted my fate. I'm done hiding from the consequences."

"You were not a coward. You were and still are surviving. Why do you keep trying to push that away? Instead, you are going to drop to your knees in front of these two and take the easy way out? You are going to let them kill you and pretend that it will make up for the shit you've done? That is more cowardly than anything else you've done in your life." His look was intense, stern, and _controlled_. He wasn't the crazed Arrancar she was used to. "You say I deserve a second chance. Well then why the hell don't you?"

She froze, completely shocked at what he was saying. "I…"

"I'm not letting you throw your life away. If you are going to die, it's going to be fighting for the last damn breath." His voice was low and concrete. It was absolute.

"Why do you care?" She asked suddenly, painfully.

He paused for a moment, averting his gaze for just a breath of a second. "I don't." The words immediately evoked a flash of pain on Haruka's pretty face and he _hated_ that. "I just owe you a favor."

"Right." She whispered. "Well I don't want your favors." She ripped her arm free and stormed to her room. "Go get your damn food."

Grimmjow stood there, staring at the closed door. This was why he didn't deal with other people, or women in general. He much rather have a fight with fists than this emotional upheaval. He felt so powerless in this situation and it pissed him off. " _Fuck this."_ He thought. It wasn't worth it.

She heard the door slam on his way out, her heart clenching painfully. She should have known that he really didn't care about her. Grimmjow only cared about himself.

" _I'm not letting you throw your life away."_

"Tch." She rolled over on her bed, stuffing her face in her pillow. "You will never understand, Grimmjow."

She spent the next five minutes tossing and turning on her bed while trying to rid her mind of the assault of thoughts determined to condemn her to misery. For a man who had previously called her pathetic and a coward, he sure did seem eager to defend her spineless behavior over the years. She knew he was making excuses for her. Regardless if she was just trying to survive or not, it was still hiding behind those who could protect her.

An angry snarl released from her lips as she threw her pillow across the room, not having the cathartic effect she was looking for. "Fuck this!" She exclaimed as she stood, storming out of the apartment. She didn't want to be there when he got back. She didn't want to be anywhere. She wanted to curl into a ball and disappear.

* * *

"Chilly night tonight." The familiar old man mentioned as he moved to where Grimmjow was sitting. "Autumn is on its way. Where's your pretty girlfriend?" He chuckled while fiddling with the pipe stuck between his teeth.

"Decided to stay in tonight." Grimmjow replied gruffly, making his annoyance clear.

"Ah so you two had a little lover's quarrel did ya?" He asked with quite some amusement. "Take my advice, son, hold on to 'em for as long as you can. Little squabbles don't mean a thing when you're sitting next to 'em on their deathbed."

Grimmjow sneered at him, but it only caused the man's grin to grow wider.

"I'll stop harassing ya! Young folk like you never listen to old men and their ramblings anyway." He let out a hearty laugh. "What can I get ya?"

Grimmjow opened his mouth to order, but was immediately cut off.

"Well, well, well. I guess she wasn't too keen on staying in afterall. My, my she looks awfully down. What did you do to her?" The old man's tired eyes had focused to a violet-haired girl wandering down the sidewalk on the opposite side of the street. She was so lost in thought, she didn't even notice either of them. Or if she did, she was blatantly ignoring them.

Grimmjow shifted his gaze to her. " _Just where the hell does she think she's going?"_ He slipped off the seat and started moving away from the stand. "Sorry old man. I guess dinner's going to have to wait."

He heard the old man's bellowing laughter as he moved down the street. "Don't worry, son! I'll keep the food warm for both of ya!" Grimmjow didn't care enough to respond. Instead, he focused on that little purple flame wandering through the darkness.


	11. Chapter 11

_/*Hello! Just dropping a big fat lemon WARNING here: This chapter contains dirty, shameless smut. If that's not your thing or you should not be reading it, you know where the exit is. And with that, we continue with our story! */_

* * *

It was dark, the moon rising higher into the sky. She followed the street lamps that steadily got farther and farther apart. She looked forward to the pathway that led to the treeline. A walk in the forest would help her clear her mind. She needed to get away from all the noise and the lights. It was drowning her. She missed the simplicities of her old life. She missed being a part of squad four, taking up a role of leadership and being a role model for so many. But even those memories were now tainted in bitterness. They had locked away her zanpakuto, buried it in the depths of her own heart. Even they did not trust her. Maybe they were right not to trust her. She did leave with Aizen afterall…

"Haruka Akiyama." A gruff sounding voice halted her just after she entered the treeline. She looked up, immediately distraught as her eyes fell onto a familiar face.

"Haru-kun." She whispered and he sneered. His black hair falling near his crimson eyes.

"It's Hamasaki-sama to you!" He shouted as he charged her. Instinctively she stepped to the side to dodge, but her movements were slow and unmotivated. He jabbed his elbow into her chest, sending her flying into a nearby tree. A yelp echoed through the empty forest as she slowly pushed herself up.

"Why don't you get out of that gigai, Akiyama?" Another voice joined in, her's taunting and bitter. Her long brown hair fell to her mid back, cascading around her elegant red kimono, decorated in her family's sigil. She was a stark contrast from her brother who wore the traditional Shihakusho of the shinigami.

Haruka averted her gaze down, her body slumping with her defeat. "You're looking awfully depressed, Akiyama. I thought you'd might be happy to see your siblings." She continued.

"Satomi-chan." She started. "I'm so sorry."

Satomi glared at her. "Save your apologies. They mean nothing. The only atonement is death." She charged Haruka and unsheathed her zanpakuto. Haruka stood still, her eyes closing as her death became eminent. She couldn't even muster the courage to look to her fate. Even now, she was still a coward.

A rush of air followed by a surprised gasp had her vibrant violet orbs opening. Her eyes widened as she looked upon the back of a towering Arrancar who stopped Satomi's zanpakuto with his hand. "Grimmjow?" Her voice wavered, filled with both relief and overbearing shame.

He tilted his head to regard her, his white mask fragment set right below his unwavering sapphire eye. "Yo."

Satomi ripped her zanpakuto across his hand causing a slight splash of blood. "Hn. Looks like I need to work on my armor." He mentioned casually as he licked the blood from his hand. "Stand back, Ruka." His face lit up, a grin pulling back his lips.

"Don't get involved." She said suddenly as she stepped in front of him. She could feel his instant angry glare at the back of her head. "It's none of your bus-"

Her statement was cut short by an overwhelming yank at her shirt as he picked her up. "Grimmjow!" She shouted in a panic, her arms flailing.

"I said stay back, stubborn woman." He said as he tossed her behind him. A startled scream left her lungs as she flew through the air. Her screech was immediately snuffed out by a grunt as she landed on someone.

Haruka looked under her, the muffled voice coming out from beneath her. "Crey?" She questioned before shifting off of his face.

He took a deep gasp of breath before sitting up. "Akiyama-sama. Please stay here with me." The gigai said politely as he bowed to her. Haruka's face quirked with her confusion. Then, instantly, she was pressing both her hands to her cheeks and fawning over him.

"Crey! Oh I hope I didn't hurt you! Is your face ok?"

"Please don't worry about me, Akiyama-sama. I am very durable!" He announced proudly.

"You are so much nicer than Grimmjow! And so polite, too!"

Grimmjow's growl was audible. "Stupid clogs." His annoyance grew as the two continued to banter back and forth. "Hey, shut up already!" He shouted.

Her head twisted around abruptly. "Don't be an asshole, Grimmjow!"

"What did you call me!?" He yelled.

"I said- mmffmf-" Haruka was cut off by two familiar hands covering her mouth.

"Shhh, Akiyama-sama! Master needs to concentrate." Crey whispered to her.

Grimmjow smirked. "Hold on to her for me." Something clicked in the back of his mind, a pleasing purr at seeing her wrapped up by his gigai. He wasn't going to let these two touch her. She was his to mess with and _only_ his.

"An Arrancar?" Satomi spat the words out like a bad taste on her tongue. "Good to see you're still doing Aizen's work."

Haruka's temper flared, her eyes falling to a stony glare before she started spouting out muffled insults behind two immovable hands. Her arms thrashed and Grimmjow couldn't help but smirk at her response. " _Finally some fight in her."_ He thought.

"You are a disgrace-" Satomi began before being cut off by a swipe from a grinning blue-haired beast. She grunted as she blocked his incoming attack with her zanpakuto.

"Satomi-chan." Haru charged Grimmjow.

"Heh." He intercepted Haru effortlessly, slamming his foot into his chest. Haru grunted before flying back, splitting several trees in half. "Why don't you release your zanpakutos already?" He taunted.

"This isn't about you, Arrancar." Satomi shouted as she slashed at Grimmjow. He blocked her incoming attack with the back of his wrist, a pleased grin tugging at his lips.

"You're obviously looking for a fight." He sneered.

"We're looking for justice." Haru added as he appeared from broken tree limbs. He slashed his zanpakuto down towards Grimmjow's face. He blocked the incoming zanpakuto with his hand, twisting the sword down towards the ground.

"Justice?" He spat. "You got your justice. She ain't responsible for the shit Aizen did."

"She is a participant, she is just as guilty." Satomi hissed. Grimmjow jerked his left arm, sending her zanpakuto down and causing her to stumble forward. He connected a brutal kick to her side and sent her flying.

Haru's panicked shout followed as he attempted to go to her. Grimmjow cut him off, punching him in the face with his left hand and then kicking him in the stomach. Both of them stumbled to their feet. "This is your only chance." Grimmjow's amusement fell, his face going serious. "Leave and don't come back here. If I catch you messing with her again, I'll kill you both."

Haruka went limp, her eyes wide with shock as his statement reached her.

"This isn't over, Arrancar." Haru spat as he held up Satomi. "We will get our vengeance for our brother."

"Yea, because that's what he would have wanted, right? Killing the woman he loved 'til his dying breath." Grimmjow returned sarcastically.

The two looked at him, horrified and equally enraged. "This isn't over." Satomi rasped before they fled deeper into the woods.

A gust of wind swept through the trees, fluttering that midnight hair into the air. She stood frozen in place, a mixture of emotions flashing across her softened face. His last statement haunted her, urging her to give up some of that guilt she clung to.

Grimmjow turned back towards her, stalking over and stamping his gigai with the soul candy dispenser. She felt as his hands slipped off her mouth, causing her to turn and look at him. That sapphire gaze was softer than usual, looking almost content. "Come on, Ruka. Let's go home." He said casually. There was an enticing lull to his voice, something that pulled her to him.

He started walking away, moving slow as he felt she was not following right away. Then she broke into a run, taking only a few short strides before reaching him. He grunted as she collided with him, her arms wrapping around to his front as she buried her face into his back. "Ruka? What the hell?" He didn't move as she clung to him from behind, her touch scalding his skin though he barely noticed. He was more wrapped up in trying to understand why. Normally, he'd break anyone who touched him in half, but this was unexpected; his normal predatory instincts completely failed him.

"Thank you." He just barely heard the words that muffled out from his shirt. His back was on fire, her body pressed so tightly it felt as if she were clinging on to him for dear life. Maybe she was.

"Oi, you done yet?" He attempted to sound annoyed, but it came out flat, patient. He almost regretted saying anything as her hold on him loosened and she pulled away slightly.

"Sorry." She apologized as he turned his head to look at her. Her cheeks were flushed red with embarrassment and her eyes were averted to the ground. It caused a smirk to upturn his lips. Damn if he didn't love getting her flustered...

"If you want to thank me, then come buy me some food. I never got dinner." He mentioned. She looked up, a small smile replacing her frown. She nodded while moving up beside him. "Or if you _really_ want to thank me-"

She nudged him in the side with her elbow. "Don't be a pervert." She scolded.

He laughed suggestively. "Come on, you thought about it." He slid his thumb over her burning cheek just briefly to make her all the more aware of her embarrassment. "Kitten."

"My thoughts are my own business, thank you very much." She returned while slapping his hand away.

"So you have thought about it." He continued, a lecherous grin playing across his features.

"Knock it off." She laughed while rubbing her cheeks.

"You're still not denying it."

"Can we just go get food, please?" She asked on a whine.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm starving." He relented. Food was probably the only way she could distract him.

* * *

They had decided against staying at the stand, the old man being too much for Haruka to deal with at that moment. So they took their food to go, listening to his ramblings for only a few minutes. They walked side by side back to the apartment.

They ate silently at first. Grimmjow had taken a seat next to her, his presence comforting her. She wondered if he could sense it or maybe it was just an instinct he followed. Or maybe he couldn't tell at all. " _But why would he choose to sit so close? And why the hell am I thinking so hard about this?"_ She ground her teeth together harshly as her grip on her chopsticks tightened.

"What's the problem now?" He asked around a mouthful.

She jumped, startled that he was paying that close of attention. "Nothing important." She returned before taking another bite. He shrugged while refocusing on his meal. "I wonder why they didn't release their zanpakutos." She thought out loud, her chopsticks resting on her lip as she stared out in front of her.

"Same reason you don't." He answered. "They're not supposed to be here."

It clicked in her mind. "So if they released, Soul Society would know right away that they were here and probably come and take them back." She continued the statement as he stuffed his face full, pushing the contents of the box into his mouth.

"I should just take them to clogs' training ground and challenge them there." His face brightened at the thought of a bloody fight to the death. Haruka snorted before finishing her last morsel.

"Thanks for not killing them, by the way." She said after a long pause.

He glanced at her, his smile fading. "Don't thank me. I doubt they are giving up and I wasn't lying. They come after you again, I'm not going easy on them."

She looked down at her lap, her hair cascading over her shoulders. "I-."

"Did you ever even explain to them what happened?" He asked suddenly, surprising her. "They seemed a little clueless on the details."

She shook her head. "I never got the chance. I escaped through Kurosaki-san's garganta when he first came to Hueco Mundo and ended up in Urahara's basement. He thought it was a better idea for me to hide until all of this was over and then try to set things straight. Aizen was always seven steps ahead of anyone, though. He told Kenji's siblings long before I even made it to the World of the Living. I doubt they even know what really happened."

He twisted in his seat so he was facing her. Gently, he pushed away the hair blocking his view of her face. He hated not being able to see what was behind that violet storm. "What happened?" She glanced up at him. "What really happened?"

" _Haruka-chan!" That distorted hollow voice screamed at her as he charged, her zanpakuto quaking._

" _Kenji, please!" She pleaded as she parried his attack._

" _You let him do this to me!" He screamed as he attacked again. She collided with him, her zanpakuto pressing hard against that white mask and her feet digging into the sand._

" _I'm so sorry, Kenji. I thought I was healing you! But I was only killing you!" She wailed. He stopped suddenly, standing in front of her; tall and menacing. "I'm sorry, Kenji. I don't want you to hurt anymore. I love you." Tears spilled from her lids and poured down her cheeks._

" _Then free me, Haruka-chan. End this pain." The mutated Arrancar pleaded. "Free me."_

 _Haruka swallowed hard knowing that this was the only option. Her sword shook as she broke into a run. She stabbed it forward with all the energy she could muster. "I'm so sorry."_

" _Don't let him do this to you anymore…" His voice wavered; a grunt spilled from his lips behind the pure white mask. "I love you, Haruka-chan…"_

" _I promise I'll end this, Kenji…" Her voice ached as his body started breaking apart bit by bit and floated away. "I love you, too."_

"There was nothing else I could do." She whispered as she retold the heart wrenching story. There were no tears this time, no more guilt; only a wish for things to have gone differently. " _Killing the woman he loved 'til his dying breath."_ He had reminded her. Kenji did love her until the end. In the end, he had forgiven her. What happened to Kenji was tragic, but she was not at fault. Aizen was. And he was already brought to justice.

"That don't sound like it was your fault." He offered. She turned to face him now, so close their knees were touching. He didn't pull back nor did she.

"It wasn't." She affirmed. An incredible ache started pulsing through her. It came from her remembering of Kenji, of all the good memories she had with him. The laughs, the tears, the deep desperate passion...She missed him, but beyond that, she felt so empty. There was a longing void that she ignored most days, but after all that had happened, after all the memories that had forced themselves to the surface, she just needed _someone._ Her eyes roamed the beautiful Arrancar sitting right in front of her, his eyes set in a cautious gaze, waiting for her to make her move. And she did.

She slumped forward slightly, just enough so that she could run the flats of her palms along the tops of his thighs. He reacted instantly, grabbing her wrists and wrenching her upward. Her face fell forward, a few mere inches from his own. She let his grasp hold her up, his look dangerous. "I just want to forget everything. I want to be selfish. Even if it's just for one damn night." She pleaded and he responded, pulling her into his lap so that she could wrap her legs around his waist. His lips crashed into hers, greedily licking and sucking. She quivered as he bit her bottom lip, then broke away to leave a trail down her jawbone.

"You are going to get me in trouble with clogs." He mumbled between mouthfuls of skin.

"Fuck him." She sputtered out on a gasp as his teeth sunk into a fleshy spot on her shoulder. She could feel his grin against her skin and it only excited her further.

"I'd much rather fuck you." He joked as he tugged at her shirt, threatening to tear it to shreds if she didn't take it off that moment. A small smile pulled back her lips as she pulled the thin barrier over her head and tossed it aside. He released an appreciative groan as his hands roamed up the bare skin of her sides. He buried his face into the curvature of her breasts, still firmly trapped behind a stifling bra. "Take this thing off before I rip it off you." He ordered. She complied, but not without rolling her eyes first. "I'll give you something to roll your eyes at." He threatened, his tone low and promising of pleasure.

She groaned as his hands squeezed the globes of her ass and pulled her into him, his erection grinding against her sensitive flesh between layers of clothing. Her mind fell into a lustful haze free of rational thought as he lowered his head to one of those taut little buds, swiping his tongue around it before sucking it between his lips. Her head fell back and chest pushed forward, giving him more access. His blood pumped as her little mewling sounds grew his need tenfold.

He pulled away from the first with a pop and hungrily lavished the second. Her hands slid up around the back of his head, pressing him into her. Fingernails scoured his scalp, her face pressing against his hair as his arms claimed her like a vice. Hips crashed against one another, the frustrating barrier of clothing being ignored for a few moments longer simply for the fact they needed to just feel one another. Desperation fueled them, both hungry for passion, a predatory competition of pleasure seeking endured. He longed to hear her noises echo off the walls, only for him. She needed him to just consume her.

She shrieked as he lifted her in the air and carried her to the bedroom, no longer able to delay their joining. The mattress groaned as he dropped her, taking a moment to pull his shirt free before leaning over her and claiming her mouth once more. Flesh against flesh, lips tangled together, hips grinding wildly; it was almost enough to break her apart.

He broke the kiss, allowing her to take a deep inhale. "Grimmjow…" she sighed as he followed a trail of kisses and bites down her neck, over her breasts and along her stomach. When he reached her pantline, he unbuttoned the jeans and pulled, revealing a pair of lavender panties. His teeth grazed along her hip bone, causing her to writhe.

He hooked his fingers around the delicate waistband and yanked them free, revealing her delicate pink flesh. "Kitten." he purred before kissing the skin of her inner thigh.

A pink hue painted her cheeks. Her eyes were heady with lust, her body craving what he could offer. "Grimmjow, wait." Embarrassment began poking through her haze as she realized his intentions. She could feel his breath tickling her sensitive flesh. Her body quivered with the anticipation.

"Mmm, Kitten, I love the way you taste." He purred as his tongue ran over her slit. She yelped in surprise at first before attempting to squirm away. He was impossible to escape from, however. He chuckled as he held her hips in place, his tongue invading her most delicate places. The rumble of his laugh vibrated against her clit and caused a moan to erupt from her lungs.

"Grimmjow-" she moaned, her hands sliding into those spikes of blue and tugging hard. An approving groan rumbled from his chest. Her head fell back against the bed sheets, her hips thrusting up to push his tongue deeper inside. In and out it moved, tasting every inch of her.

He released her hips now that she was fully engrossed in his torment. He slid his left hand up to cup her breast, teasing the bud between his fingers. "Yes…" she whispered as her hips continued to involuntary grind against his face. His other hand moved around her thigh, a single digit replacing his tongue and sliding deep inside. She continued to whimper, his ministrations pushing her closer to that edge. His tongue slid up to her clit, teasing it in slow circles.

He slipped a second finger in to join the first, curling them upward and in rhythm with her thrusts. Her panting, like music to his ears, was becoming more frantic and sporadic. Her fists tangled in his hair roughly as he pumped his fingers in and out of her, his tongue flicking across that sensitive bud until her hips thrust upward and a broken cry released from her lips. "G-grimm-" He quickly removed his fingers and eagerly lapped at the flow of juices. Her thighs trembled at the onslaught of sensations. Her eyes had fallen shut, stars blurring her vision.

He barely gave her a second to recover, his own desires fueling him. She didn't hear him take the remainder of his clothing off, but she certainly felt the searing tip of his erection pushing into her folds. Her eyes opened, drinking in the feral beast hovering above her. His gaze was heady with lust and desire.

"Damn, you feel fucking nice." He managed to ground out as he slipped into her inch by desperate inch. She couldn't even respond, her voice too busy being used to make those cute little sounds he loved so much. Her fingernails dug into the flesh of his shoulder, desperate to hold onto anything. That insistent little voice purred in the back of his mind. _Mine._

He pounded her into the mattress with ferocity. Each thrust drew a long winded moan, the sound mingling with the obscene passion. His grunts were animalistic, a feral desire pushing him to pin that lithe little frame beneath him. Her heels dug into his back, pressing him into her in timing with his movements. Soft little touches along his face from the skin of her fingertips were driving him mad. He didn't want soft touches. He wanted rough, raw need.

With a single hand, he pinned her wrists above her head while slowing his pace to a crawl. His head dipped to her neck, his tongue dancing along her jawline and to the lobe of her ear. She squirmed and whined, attempting to buck her hips to feel more of him. He continued to tease, a low and dangerous laugh echoing in her ear. "What is it that you want?" He purred, teasing her with the slow rhythm of his hips.

"You know what I want." She replied on a ragged voice, her tone full of need and frustration. He had worked her up so close to that edge. Her stomach clenched with that aching desire, building up that spark each time his pelvis crashed against her. That tiny bundle of nerves lit up at each contact and now he was holding her orgasm hostage, like a cat playing with its prey.

"Tell me." He attempted again, his voice smooth and with only a hint of strain. His control was remarkable, especially considering his impatient tendencies.

A throaty grunt left her lips after a particularly hard thrust, an attempt from him to push her passed her modesty. "I want you to fuck me."

His leering grin was filled with amusement, determined to break her in every aspect. "I am fucking you."

Her cheeks flushed red, her frustration growing and overwhelming her embarrassment. "I want you to fuck me harder!" She demanded. His grin was sultry, mischievous, and oh so pleased at plucking her strings to his favorite little tune.

At her insistence, his pace increased. He released her wrists and pinned his hands on either side of her head. Her fingers immediately went for his hair, pulling and twisting until his lips were trapped against hers. He groaned, his pace becoming brutal. She responded in kind, her moans getting lost in his mouth. She felt as the waves began building again, pushing against that dam and threatening to spill.

Their lips broke and her neck craned back. "Grimmjow!" Every muscle in her body tightened in unison as an explosion of heat released from the apex of her thighs. It grew in intensity when she felt his sharp fangs digging into her neck. He pounded into her tightened sex and through her orgasm until feeling his own impending explosion. His breathing was erratic, his thrusts becoming uneven. With one final grunt, he released. His muscles spasmed as he came in short bursts, the feeling like fire in her gut.

A wave of relief and shame encompassed her all at once as he collapsed on top of her. The heat of his breath tickled her neck as he nuzzled into her briefly before pushing himself up and rolling to one side of the bed. She got up quickly, sitting on the edge with her feet dangling over and trying to come up with something to say. Her hand brushed up against the fresh marks on her neck, feeling the bruising that was no doubt beginning to show. What had she done?

She was so consumed by her thoughts that she yelped when a strong arm wrapped around her waist and pulled her onto the mattress. Her blankets quickly followed, shielding her nudity from the cooler air of the room. At her back was the powerful, possessive Arrancar she had just slept with. His breath tickled the back of her neck, his chiseled chest pressing into her, and his limp nudity resting against her ass. Her cheeks flamed, any comprehension she had prior disappearing into a haze of confusion.

"Grimmjow?" She whispered.

"Shut it, Ruka. You can bitch about it tomorrow; just sleep will ya?" His voice was tired and lazy.

A small smile tugged at her lips. "Ok."

He sighed as he draped a heavy arm and leg over her, trapping her against him. She didn't mind, as it had been so long since she had felt wanted and safe with another person. " _Safe? He should be the last person I feel safe with…"_ Regardless of her train of thought, she settled quietly next to him, allowing his rhythmic breathing to lull her to sleep.


	12. Chapter 12

_/* Just wanted to drop a note and say thank you for the reviews, follows, and favorites! Always appreciated. And with that, let's get right back to it. */_

* * *

" _So warm…"_ It was her first thought upon stirring. Her face was nuzzled against a solid chest, the top of her head pressing against his chin. " _He's still here."_ His arm was still wrapped around to her back, enclosing her in a bubble of warmth. She slipped her arms around him, sliding along bare skin and feeling him tense. It surprised her further, knowing he was awake yet still remained. " _He's probably just taking advantage of my bed."_

Her thoughts wandered further, shame suddenly flushing her cheeks. She had slept with an Arrancar; a brutal, selfish, wild Arrancar. She did it just to forget, to have a single night to just feel good instead of constant misery and loneliness. She had been selfish. " _Kenji…"_

Regardless of her assaulting thoughts, she couldn't deny the feeling of comfort when surrounded by him. Maybe he was just so overbearing that he clouded her senses, or maybe she really did feel he offered some sort of protection. That led to the very startling question of why?

"You think too much." He mumbled out from above her head. She stiffened.

"You don't know what I'm thinking about." She argued.

"Your body tells me everything I need to know, Kitten." He remarked playfully as he ran idle fingers along her spine. Goosebumps erupted on her skin as she shivered. She hated how much she enjoyed his touch. She had indulged in him for too long.

Angrily, she weaseled her way out of his grasp, sitting up and holding the blankets across her chest. He sighed, moving his hands to press to the back of his head and glancing at her lazily. "What are you pissy about now?"

"Nothing." She replied, her voice clearly dejected.

"Liar." He teased, a futile attempt to get her to talk. He didn't know why he was so curious about what was going on in her head. Mostly he was just sick of her being in a bad mood all the time. It spoiled his fun.

"Whatever." She threw the blankets aside and scooted to the edge of the bed, scanning the floor for at least some of her garments. When she couldn't find any, she gave up and went to her dresser to drag an outfit out from the old, creaking drawers.

He pushed himself up on his elbows, his eyes dragging across her naked curves. Each breath of skin drew out that annoying tick at the back of his mind that dissolved any desire to leave. And then, there were those bright marks on her perfect skin that were already starting to bruise. " _Mine, mine, mine…"_

"I'm sorry." She said suddenly, her clothes hanging limp in her furrowed fists. "I never meant…" Tears were starting to prick at the corners of her eyes and he had to bite back an annoyed sigh. Did she ever just stop blubbering?

In a huff he threw the covers to the side before getting out of the bed and marching over to her. His blatant nudity caused her cheeks to dust pink before he ripped the clothes from her fists and tossed them onto the bed. He grasped her wrist and tugged her to the bathroom. He fiddled with the faucet until streams of steaming water were slamming into the tile. "Get in." He ordered, her face stunned and a bit confused. "You going deaf now? Get in." That managed to rile up something. Her face twisted a bit at the insult before she moved under the shower head. She didn't know what he was up to, but she barely cared. She was too filled with shame, guilt, and regret to care. She didn't deserve any of his attention. She was pathetic.

"Would you stop being so miserable?" While the question itself was scolding, his tone was almost gentle, sympathetic. "You're not the only fucking person in the world to indulge when feeling alone." She looked up at him, startled. He stared back, his look expectant. "Or was it really so terrible? Because I thought you were a pretty damn good fuck."

Her cheeks turned tomato red and it flushed all the way down to her chest. "N-no. I mean it was really good. No, no I mean that's not the reason I'm upset." She babbled and he smirked, prideful at finally diminishing her misery even if it was only a little. He grabbed her luffa hanging from the wall and squirted a large amount of her body wash onto it. She thought about scolding him for it, but decided it wasn't worth it. The man did whatever he wanted anyway.

"So I am right. You're feeling guilty about fucking me." He turned her around and began lathering her back with suds, massaging each muscle as he went.

"I feel like I used you." She mentioned, her eyes pinned to the tile.

Grimmjow laughed. "Ruka, it's an equal exchange. We both got something out of it. Fuck me when you want to fuck me. I won't say no." He moved closer, the luffa sliding around to her stomach. "Of course, you have to explain it to clogs." She felt his lips nearing the fang marks embedded in her shoulder.

"Tch, yea that will go over well." She rolled her eyes and then sighed. "Kenji would be so disappointed in me."

It was Grimmjow's turn to roll his eyes. He stepped away from her and turned her so she faced him. "Why? Because you fucked an Arrancar?"

"Do you have to be so crude?"

"Oh so now it's a problem? You were fine with it last night, Kitten." He prodded, his temper clearly rising.

"Look, it's nothing against you, but I was a shinigami. I stood for something. I was looked up to." She spoke, appalled at her own behavior.

"Was." He emphasized. "All that shit is in the past. If you wanted it back, you should have accepted the invitation. You chose to stay here. You chose to stay with me."

His statement caused her to trip over her own thoughts.

"Or did you just choose to stay here so you could throw yourself onto your enemy's sword?" His voice was scathing and realization was starting to take hold of her. When she didn't respond he tossed the luffa to the tile floor. "Forget it."

He started to leave the shower, angry at himself for talking too much; but also feeling something else. It was something painful that tightened his chest. It was that unfamiliar sensation and he didn't like it. He had to get back to Hueco Mundo. Why was he allowing this to happen?

Her soft, desperate fingers latched onto his wrist, tugging hard. "Wait, please wait." She begged. It made him falter. He paused. It was only for a second, but it was still long enough for her to see the battle of emotions distorting his features. He ripped his arm free, immediately reeling at the loss. He stormed out of the bathroom, leaving her staring with that longing, pretty face.

He grabbed the various clothing thrown about the room, tossing hers away and attempting to untangle his own. She followed him, her body wrapped up in a towel and soap suds dripping down her legs. "Where are you going?" She urged.

"The fuck do you care?" He spat bitterly as he buckled his pants.

"Because I'm responsible for you." She insisted angrily.

"Responsible?" He sputtered out on a laugh. "No, Ruka, you are responsible for you and that's it. Leave me the fuck out of it."

"Grimmjow-" She attempted to grab his arm again, desperate to hold him in place. He wasn't having it. He wrenched himself free, causing her to fall back. He fought the urge to catch her, fought the desire to protect her.

"Don't fucking follow me." He ground out instead before rushing out the door. Haruka was left there, helplessly staring and painfully lost.

* * *

He had to get away from her. Not only was she causing endless distractions, but now she was evoking feelings he had cast out eons ago. He shouldn't give two shits what an idiot shinigami thinks of him. If she wanted to be High-And-Mighty-sama, then he wasn't going to stop her. She could sit on her pedestal and spout about how much better she was than him to her empty bed.

A sharp pain exploded in his shoulder. "Hey, watch where you're going!" A random human shouted, his voice equally pompous to _hers_. Grimmjow snarled, his lips peeling back and revealing teeth. The human jumped back while waving his hands defensively, a bead of sweat pricked at his forehead. "I-I mean, excuse me, sir. I need to pay more attention to where I'm going." He bowed before running off.

Grimmjow grunted, thoroughly annoyed with these humans and this place. He needed to get away. He needed to escape the stench, the familiarity of it all. It made him think of her. The only place he could consider going was the little hidden oasis on the outskirts of town. It wasn't Hueco Mundo, but it was close enough.

The heat of the summer sun burned down on him as the buildings became more scarce. It was yet another thing he was starting to get used to. He had hated it when Aizen created his artificial sun around Las Noches. He always thought he would prefer the moon, the constant feeling of night, but now he was adjusting to _her_ behaviors. It was annoying.

"All by yourself?" A familiar, sing-songy voice called out to him the moment he reached the dusty abandoned streets. He glanced up, his gaze falling on the Hamasaki sister.

"You come looking for trouble?" Grimmjow snorted.

"We've come to finish this." She declared.

"I'm not in the mood, baka." He spouted, his face soured at his peace being interrupted.

"Baka? Do you have any idea who you are talking to, you insolent-" She began, but Grimmjow had no interest. He shrugged before beginning to move into the barn, thumbing the key in his pocket. "Hey! Where are you going!? I'm not finished with you!"

A flash on the right. It was the glint of a sword. " _Idiot can't even keep himself in the shade to avoid the sun's reflection."_ He lifted his hand and caught Haru's sword mid swing, instantly being reminded he was still in his gigai. " _Shit."_ Blood exploded from his palm as he jumped away. He reached into the opposite pocket to feel for the dispenser and realizing immediately he had left it behind. " _Damnit. How the hell could I let her distract me this much?"_

"You're not so strong in this form." Haru sneered.

Grimmjow shook his hand, sending some blood splattering across the dirt, before lifting it to his lips. "Those are some brave words coming from a lowly shinigami I beat into the ground just yesterday." He said after his tongue slid along his wound.

"You're nothing but trash, Arrancar." Haru charged, slashing his sword down on top of Grimmjow. He dodged before sending an elbow into Haru's side. It didn't have nearly enough affect. Haru twisted, slamming his foot into Grimmjow's chest and sending him flying into a nearby stall.

A snarl erupted from his lips. "Yea, it seems a lot of people have that opinion of me lately." He grimaced while wiping the blood from his lips onto the back of his hand. He pushed himself to a stand, sensing the little one coming up from behind.

"What's wrong, Arrancar? Did you promise your precious fugitive you wouldn't harm us?" She sang sweetly as she swung her zanpakuto at him. He jumped above her, landed, and kicked her in the back. She stumbled forward a few steps, but before Grimmjow could make a move, Haru intercepted with a slice to his arm.

"There ain't nothing more I'd like to do right now than do a little harm to you, sweetheart." He teased while retreating back a few steps. Her face twisted angrily and she charged.

He felt his speed diminishing as he dodged the siblings, one to his left and the other on the right. He cursed the stupid gigai he was stuck in. He should have known better, but it didn't matter. He was going to kick the shit out of these two even with his current restrictions. He needed to blow off the steam anyway…

* * *

Hours passed since he left the apartment. Had she really pissed him off that much? " _Look, it's nothing against you, but I was a shinigami. I stood for something. I was looked up to."_

"You're so stupid, Haruka." She growled before kicking her shirt across the floor, a ghostly reminder of what had transpired the previous night. What a way to make him feel like he was nothing; spouting a bunch of nonsense about the shinigami. They didn't matter anymore. That life was in the past. The only thing that really mattered was what she had right in front of her right at that moment in her life. He was there, strong and grounding. He brought her back to her reality. He made her see that she was worth more than what she gave herself credit for. And what did she do in return? Made him out to be nothing more than a meaningless Arrancar.

"Urgh, you are really stupid, Haruka!" She shouted loudly before kicking the end table. Pain shot up from her toe, causing her to cry out with an angry curse. She would have lingered in her self pity a moment longer, if she didn't notice the thud of something rolling off and hitting the floor. She glanced over, a new nervousness overtaking her. It was his soul candy. " _He must have forgotten it."_

She picked it up, her fist clenching around the base, that cute little cat head staring at her. Without a second's hesitation, she ran for the door. She had to find him.

* * *

Painful grunts echoed out from the abandoned barn as another heavy kick took the breath from him. This had gone beyond a fair fight. Now they were just beating the shit out of him. He was hunched over, trying with everything he had to fight back as they assaulted him with punches and kicks. At any moment they could have finished him off with their zanpakutos, yet here he still lie, his gigai slashed up and littered with broken bones.

"You sure are tough." Satomi teased.

"Too tough for you, baka." He ground out with a satisfied smirk.

Another rough kick to his stomach had him gasping. "She'll show up here eventually when she notices your waning lifeforce." Haru said.

A new adrenaline pulsed through his body as he grabbed Haru's next incoming kick. He ripped his leg forward and sent the man back. "Oniisan!" Satomi shouted as Grimmjow pushed himself to a stand. "You son of a-" She slashed her sword across his chest, causing him to fall back against the wall. "I'll kill you." Her face was twisted with anger.

"Void, Dairokkan." Time seemed to halt as that familiar reiatsu surrounded him. She was a beautiful sight, with those long purple locks and shining lavender orbs, blind as they were. He knew she could see him perfectly in all of his brokenness.

Blood exploded from from Satomi's shoulder as she just barely dodged the fatal attack. "Raito o keshimasu!" She directed her next attack at Haru, the electric cloud moving up his leg and burning his side. He screamed in pain before jumping away. Haruka didn't give them a moment to rest. She charged with a flash step, slashing at Satomi first before transferring to Haru. Her speed was too quick for them to escape.

"Bring to the light, Hōfuku!" Haru shouted, his bright reiatsu exploding and sending planks of the barn flying into the nearby field. The two collided, pure white against midnight purple. The sheer amount of reiatsu pouring from him blinded her, the concentration of energy too much for her to follow. She strained to sense his outline in the mass of light; it was nothing but a blur.

Then, she felt the burning metal of his zanpakuto slice into the skin of her arm, causing her to cry out. "Ruka!" Grimmjow shouted, dragging the attention of the youngest of the Hamasaki clan to him. Her arm was caked with blood, her zanpakuto quivering with the strain of holding it up. Her crimson glare fell on his struggling form. She dragged herself towards him, her movements slow as his eyes were locked on _her_.

Then, in a single painful flash step, she was upon him. His gaze moved, seeing her incoming blade aimed at his heart. "Raito o keshimasu!" The hazy purple explosion blew Satomi back and into the field and forced Haru to chase after her.

"Satomi-chan!" He cried out as he knelt beside her.

"Grimmjow? How are you holding up?" Her hand was soft and so gentle on his sweat-stained face.

"Don't worry about me, Ruka. He's coming back for you." Grimmjow nodded in the direction of the blazing energy rushing back.

"I know." She replied before charging forward. His energy was all consuming, but energies like that always had a focal point, a center. That was where the core of it all was and she was guaranteed to hit flesh. She leaped forward and straightened out, spinning herself around elegantly before thrusting her zanpakuto into the glaring light.

She didn't know exactly how she managed to dodge his sweeping blade, but felt it falter as hers connected with flesh. He grunted before pulling away, his reiatsu dimming ever so slightly. "The thing about stars that burn the brightest," her voice was stern and confident, "they are always the first to die out."

She sprinted towards him again, determined to finish this. "Are you really going to kill us?" His voice was taunting and pulled at her guilt. "Are you really going to kill your lover's very siblings?"

Her heels dug into the ground inches from his hunched form. "What choice do I have? You won't listen and you won't stop until I'm dead. I made a promise..."

" _Don't let him do this to you anymore, Haruka-chan."_

"I made a promise to Kenji that I wouldn't let Aizen ruin my life anymore."

" _I love you."_

"And as terrible as it is, you are a consequence of Aizen. Your hatred of me is a direct result of Aizen's doing. To keep my promise, I have to end this." Tears streamed down her cheeks as she raised her sword. It trembled with her quaking hands.

"Shinigami!" Satomi's broken cry interrupted. Haruka lowered her zanpakuto and looked behind her. She could sense the outlines of several powerful reiatsu heading straight for them. They had brought too much attention to themselves.

She jumped back, creating substantial distance. "You want your supposed justice and I want this to end. Then let's finish this. Meet me back here one week from today. There is a hidden training ground here with strong barriers. We can end this there with everything we have."

The two stood silent for a few moments, glaring at Haruka skeptically. "Fine, we will meet you here." Satomi said finally. "Don't be late or we'll come looking for you." She hissed before taking off with Haru, the shinigamis' reiatsu getting closer. Haruka quickly switched back into her gigai.

"Come on, Grimmjow, we have to get out of here." She urged as she wrapped his arm around her shoulders. He grunted before attempting to stand, his consciousness clearly wavering.

It was a long trek back to her apartment, but somehow she made it without drawing too much attention to themselves. Her lungs were burning as she lugged his limp weight onto her bed. She immediately went to work, her medical instincts kicking into high gear. With careful fingers, she pulled the tatters of clothing from his blood caked skin. She never healed a gigai before, but she couldn't imagine it was much different from healing a human.

Over an hour passed before his labored breaths become more even, his heart rate slowed, and his face softened. She was covered in a sheen of sweat from the exerted effort. She had been mistaken. Healing a gigai was even more labor intensive than healing a human. However, she had never had to heal a human body with this much damage before. Any ordinary human would have been dead.

"Why'd you come looking for me, Ruka?" His tone was hoarse, just a rumble above a whisper.

"I was worried." She admitted, her voice equally tired.

"Tch." He sputtered. "I can take care of myself."

"Clearly." She returned sarcastically. A few moments of silence passed before she couldn't hold back any longer. "You could have been killed."

He opened one eye, observing her mixed emotions, her kido faltering from her exhaustion. "Take a break, Ruka." He grabbed her hand and tugged lightly.

"No." She said firmly before ripping her hand from him and going back to healing. He sighed, his brow furrowing. Then, he was pushing himself up painfully. "What are you doing?" She scolded while trying to support him. He took advantage of the distraction and brushed his hand along her cheek, his fingers sliding into her hair.

"Haruka." His voice rumbled.

She faltered, caught off guard by hearing her full name from his lips. Her face fell into a frown before she slid herself forward, trapping him in her full embrace. "I thought they were going to kill you." Her voice ached against his skin.

"I'm not that easy to kill." He returned, sounding a little insulted.

"It's all my fault. I'm sorry. I should have never said-"

"Shut up, Kitten." He purred as he nuzzled into her shoulder, just simply enjoying the heat she surrounded him with. He pulled on her as he leaned back, dragging her on to the bed next to him. He knew it was a mistake. He knew he shouldn't be enjoying this, that he shouldn't be enjoying her, but damn he really didn't give a fuck anymore.

"You deserve better than this." She whispered.

"Yea? And what are you going to do about it?" He teased while poking her in the side.

She looked up at him, her confusion amusing him. "What do you want me to do?"

Her question startled him. "Tch, how about you stop worrying about everyone else and just take care of yourself?" He deflected.

Her brow furrowed. "I can't do that."

He snorted. "Why the fuck not? I do."

"No you don't." She argued.

"What? How the hell would you know, Ruka?" He sputtered out defensively.

"Because you care about me." She responded and he froze. "Just like I care about what happens to you. You wouldn't have saved me yesterday if you didn't. And you wouldn't have gotten pissed at me and stormed out if you really didn't care about what I said. You left because I hurt you and I hate that I hurt you."

He swallowed hard as his eyes shifted to the ceiling. "You can't hurt me, Ruka."

"Stop lying to yourself!" She urged while propping herself up to ge a better view of his face. He didn't respond. He couldn't. How the hell was he supposed to argue with that?

"Ruka…" His voice was low, uncertain. For the first time in his life he really had no fucking clue how to deal with this situation. "I really ain't experienced with this shit."

Her face fell at yet another realization. He really didn't know _how_ to care for someone. He was just going with his instincts, like he always had.

"I've been alone my whole life and even when I wasn't alone, I still didn't give a shit about the people around me. If they didn't carry their weight then they'd die. They didn't matter. No one did." He paused to shift his gaze to her pretty purple stare. "You do."

Her breath caught slightly. Something flickered in her eyes as she moved closer, pressing her lips against his. He indulged her, running his tongue along her bottom lip, an enticing invitation. She melted against him, enjoying the sensations buzzing along her skin for a few minutes before breaking away.

"What was that for?" He asked smugly.

"An equal exchange." She replied coyly.

A devious grin broke out on his face as he shifted quickly, joining their lips together once more. It was a possessive action, his hand sliding up into her hair to hold her to him. His tongue invaded her mouth, and she in turn responded with a groan. They indulged in one another for several long minutes, tongues battling and hands roaming, up until a pained grunt escaped his throat after his eager shift towards her.

"You need to rest and heal." She urged while breaking free.

"Why you always spoiling my fun, Ruka?" He complained.

"Grimmjow." She said warily.

"What?" He hummed, his voice content.

She paused, uncertainty very clear on her face. This whole situation was just a whirlwind that swept through her life, but she couldn't deny the one very strong positive that came out of it. And she didn't want to lose that again. "Are you-" _going to leave when this is all over?_ "Are you hungry? I'll go make you something to eat." She pushed herself up and off the bed, but was halted by a strong fist tangling in her clothing.

"What were you really going to ask me?" His expression was stern and curious.

Her face softened, her eyes looking away briefly. "I was going to ask if you were going to leave when this business was finished, but I don't really want to know the answer to that just yet." She smiled at him. It was small, but warm.

He released her, his jaw clenching slightly as conflict took hold of him.

"Rice cakes?" She asked, her voice like honey, as she moved to the door.

"Yea, sure." He relented while sinking back into the bed.

"Ok, I'll be back."

"Thanks, Ruka." He murmured.

Her smile grew, causing little wrinkles at the corners of her eyes. "You're welcome."


	13. Chapter 13

The air was crisp and cool on this summer night, clinging and fighting for the last few days before autumn's arrival. She sat comfortably on the roof's ledge and with her eyes scanning the horizon. The sun had long since set, leaving room for the moon and stars to fill her view.

"Kenji, what would you do in my situation?" She questioned to the night, staring up at one of the brighter burning stars. "You're gone. You've been gone. You forgave me, yet I still can't let you go. Why can't I let you go?"

" _Why do you look so beautiful even when you're so sad?" He said playfully as he sat beside her on the hilltop. Her eyes scanned the horizon, the sun lingering enough to cast an array of colors that painted the sky._

" _I made a fool of myself, Kenji-kun! Your family probably thinks terribly of me." She groaned._

 _He smiled at her, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. "They do not think terribly of you. My brother is just protective of me and my sister, well she is always looking for attention." He chuckled. "Give it some time. They will warm up to you."_

" _I'm not so sure." She said doubtfully._

" _Soon they will see what I see in you despite your past. They will love you like a sister, like family...like you deserve." He said lovingly._

 _A small smile bloomed on her face, "I would like that."_

"Everything we had has all fallen apart." She whispered painfully. "It's almost silly to think that back then I was so worried about being accepted by them when now I'm forced to…" Her voice broke as she held in the sobs that wanted to come forth. "I don't think I can do this, Kenji."

She leaned forward, silent tears dropping over the ledge. She was just glad Grimmjow was sleeping soundly in her bed, his injuries exhausting him to his limit. She couldn't handle his brutal opinion at that moment, no matter how true or right he usually was.

"Even now, Aizen continues to ruin everything you held dear." She spat bitterly. "If you can hear me, Kenji, I just want you to know… I'm sorry."

* * *

"Good Morning, Akiyama-san!" Urahara greeted as Haruka climbed out of her car.

"Good Morning." She responded. "Where are the deliveries?" She looked around at the empty lot where previously there had been stacks.

"Ah, I haven't finished packing them up. Can you assist?" He asked innocently as he fanned himself.

"Sure." She replied while following him inside.

"That sure is a nasty bruise, Akiyama-san." He mentioned once inside. Haruka blushed before adjusting her shirt to cover the obnoxious marking Grimmjow had left behind. No amount of makeup or kido could hide the bright discoloration no matter how much she caked onto her skin. "I hope you are not being reckless."

"No, of course not." She responded defensively.

"I heard a rumor last night about some fairly strong reiatsu around my new training ground. You don't know anything about it, do you?" He purred.

"I-" She began, but faltered.

"You should be careful. I may be on good terms with Soul Society, but there is only so much I can do to protect fugitives." His face went serious as he turned to face her.

"I'm sorry, Urahara-san. It wasn't supposed to happen like that." Her gaze slid to the floor, searching for a distraction. "It won't happen again."

"I'm actually a little surprised you put up a fight. After what you had said, I was certain you had given up." He said cheerily. "I'm quite pleased!"

"You shouldn't be." She returned bitterly. "There is nothing pleasing about this situation. It's them or it's me. One side has to end the other for this nonsense to stop."

Urahara stuffed his fan away, his face looking sympathetic. "You know, Akiyama-san, not everything is black or white. It's not always live or die."

Her brow furrowed at first, annoyed by his continued dodgy way of speaking. Then, a realization fell on her. "It's not always live or die." She repeated, causing a grin to break out on Urahara's face. "Urahara-san, I think I might need your help with something."

"It would be my pleasure, Akiyama-san."

* * *

Pale blue spikes fluttered in the cool breeze that blew in the open window. He had found a cozy enough position on the window sill, enough so he could see the street level and, more specifically, that familiar parking spot.

The majority of his injuries had healed. It was a mix of his own abilities and the continued assistance from his purple-haired shinigami. " _My shinigami."_ The thought brought with it a torrent of emotions. It was that foreign instinct of claiming another being as his own. His mind purred with the pleasurable memories they had shared while also simultaneously evoking a substantial amount of apprehension. One thing was for certain, he damn well wasn't going to allow those two assholes to touch her ever again.

His sapphire gaze caught that familiar vehicle pulling into her parking spot. Some of his unease instantly faded at seeing her move up to the apartment stairs. He remained where he was, anticipating her entrance and her scrutinizing gaze at him being up and about. " _You need to stay in bed and rest! Don't go wandering out today. Please."_ Her words were as clear as if she had just spouted them that moment. Everything about her resonated within him. She was unintentionally consuming him.

The door creaked as it was pushed open. The gentle patter of her shoes hitting the floor felt relaxing in its familiarity. "Grimmjow! I told you to rest." She scolded as he expected her to.

He smirked. "You know I don't listen to you, Ruka." He teased.

She tried to bite back her snicker, but was unsuccessful. "I took off of work this week so I can train. Will you help me when you are feeling better?" She asked suddenly.

He turned to face her, eyes moving up and down her relaxed form. She looked so content despite everything that was happening. Was it really because of him? " _I was going to ask you if you were going to leave when this business was finished, but I don't really want to know the answer to that just yet."_

"Yea, I'll help you. If I get something in return." He pushed himself to a stand, stalking over to her and cornering her.

"Of course you want something in return." She smirked playfully. "What is it you want?"

He pressed himself against her, his arms sliding around to grasp the counter on either side of her body. His lips slid up to her ear, tickling her lobe before whispering, "Just say yes. I promise you'll like it." He teased before placing a chaste kiss on her neck.

"Grimmjow." Her voice held her hesitation and was reinforced by the flats of her palms pressing against his chest. He straightened, taking a step back to give her some space. "I want to ask you a favor."

"You already did." He pointed out.

She rolled her eyes. "Another favor."

"Jeez, Ruka, how much are you going to ask from me? You know I don't do this shit for anyone else." He continued to tease.

"I want to fight them alone." She stated plainly.

His jaw clenched, the amusement in his face evaporating instantly. "I'm not going to let them touch you." He declared angrily.

"This is my fight. It always has been. I want to face them and finish this. I don't want anyone else involved."

"You expect me to stand there and let them beat the shit out of you? Not going to happen."

"First of all, I'm not going to let them 'beat the shit out of me.'" She grumbled, annoyed at his lack of confidence in her ability. "And second, I wouldn't get involved if Kurosaki-san was beating you to death. Why can't you?"

"Wouldn't you?" He asked her and it startled her. "You'd let him kill me? Not that I would ever let it come that close again." He added.

"I-" She paused. "I would want to respect your pride."

"No you wouldn't." He scoffed. "I know you wouldn't. Not after what you said last night. So don't expect me to do the same."

"Give me a chance at least. Train me. Beat me into the ground if you have to. Just give me an opportunity to finish this on my own. It's the last thing I have to take care of before I can finally let him go." She whispered.

He paused, considering his next words carefully. "Fine, but the second they put a scratch on you, don't expect me to just stand around and watch."

She nodded. "Ok."

* * *

"You can do better than that, Ruka!" He taunted cruelly as her body twisted against the ground, the sheer force of his blow knocking her across the training ground.

Her body trembled as she pushed herself to her knees. She swiped her fist against her lips, blood smearing across sweat-stained skin. He wasn't going easy on her, that was for sure. " _Either he's pissed the hell off or he really wants to make sure I'm ready for this. Or, judging by his mood, I'd say he's just having fun."_ She thought as she managed to get to a stand. She used Dairokkan to steady herself. Ever since she had finally attempted to strike down Haru and Satomi, her zanpakuto had fallen into a quiet contented state. She no longer felt anger radiating through her body. Maybe her zanpakuto was finally starting to forgive her.

"Pay attention!" He shouted as his fist came flying towards her face.

Surprise flitted across her features before she quickly jumped to avoid his hit, her body colliding with the ground and a reverberating thud echoing across the desert.

Grimmjow frowned as he stalked over to her quaking form. "How do you expect to take two of them on when you can't even block me? What the fuck happened? Last time we did this, you cut me to pieces. You afraid to see me bleed now, Kitten?" He taunted.

"Last time was different." She argued as she sat upright. "Last time, I let Dairokkan take control."

"Well you better damn well figure out how to align back up with her because you ain't going to last, Ruka." He stated indifferently.

She averted her gaze, anger and shame starting to take hold. "It's not exactly easy after being separated for so long. It takes years of training for a shinigami to become one with their zanpakuto."

Grimmjow approached, kneeling in front of her and filling her view. "We don't have years. We have a week. So either you figure it out or I'm stepping in for you." His voiced conveyed his conviction. "You can't hurt me, Ruka. So don't be afraid to fight me."

"I'm not afraid." She replied defensively.

"Then hit me already."

Their sparring continued for much of the day. As each moment passed, it became easier to feel, easier to fight as one with Dairokkan, and easier to let go of her sight once more. She felt the connection pulsing through her just like all those years ago.

" _That's it Akiyama! Push yourself. Don't just use your zanpakuto, feel it." The tall, intimidating man she had come to respect more than anyone dodged her incoming swipe with ease._

 _She charged again. His energy was a blur swirling around like a summer rain coating the trees; pure and terrifying._

 _At the last second, he dodged and then countered, sending her to the ground in a groaning heap. "Get up. Try again." He ordered._

" _Yes, Sensei." She gasped while pushing herself to a stand._

" _You are still trying to see with your eyes, Akiyama. Let Dairokkan see. See through her." He urged._

 _Her brow furrowed, her frustration showing through. "How am I supposed to fight without being able to see?"_

 _His massive hand patted her head, encompassing it entirely. "And that, my pupil, is our eternal struggle, isn't it? How do we turn a subtraction for ourselves into a gain in our ability? When you discover that, Akiyama, your training will be complete."_

She swiped at him from the left, making contact with his forearm. "Lucky hit, Ruka." She could hear the smirk in his voice, his pleasure at her success only exciting the battle.

" _You're remembering now, aren't you Haruka?"_ Dairokkan's voice echoed in her mind, pulsing like a beating heart. " _Do you remember when we lost it all?"_

" _Sensei!" Her voice reeked of panic and pure terror. "Sensei, what are we going to do?"_

" _You, Akiyama, are going to do what Seireitei has requested of you. You will sever your connection to Dairokkan." He said sternly, his body rigid and unmoving in the cramped darkness of the cell._

" _But I was not a participant in this and neither were you! Why are we being judged for the actions of others!?" She screamed desperately._

" _Because when you pledge your existence on another's ideals, you are then responsible for what those ideals bring about. We cannot run from our truths as the lies will eventually swallow us whole."_

" _Sensei…"_

 _The cell door opened harshly. "It's time." The shinigami filled the doorway, his sword gleaming in the dim light of the flame._

" _As you say." Her sensei responded, moving with purpose to his handler._

" _Sensei, why? Why are you dying for them!?" Haruka demanded._

 _Her mentor stopped; the man she came to know as a father turned his head just enough to pin her in place with his stare. "You will do as I ordered, Haruka. They are going to blind you, but you will learn to see with your heart. Gain from this subtraction."_

" _Why should I when you aren't?" Her voice ached as she watched the shinigami drag her mentor down the hall, leaving her behind in that cell._

" _Because you must follow your own ideals."_

The next hit was brutal, unintentional. She was supposed to block it. Why didn't she block it? The force of it sent her body flying through the air, Grimmjow's excitement deteriorating instantly at the realization. With two steps of sonido he was between her and the giant rock formation jutting out of the ground. She collided with his body with a resounding slam followed by an explosion of rock. Crey and Mimi gasped while watching the dust settle, both relaxing when they finally saw Haruka wrapped up in Grimmjow's arms.

She coughed and sputtered around the dirt that lingered. "What the fuck, Ruka? Why the hell didn't you block it?" He scolded from behind her.

Her head fell back against his chest, her body slumping in his arms and sitting comfortably in his lap. "I'm sorry." She whispered. "I allowed myself to get distracted."

A growl rumbled from his chest, "we don't have time for distractions."

"I know." She rasped. "Thanks for catching me."

"Tch." He grumbled, unable to voice any kind of response.

They remained like that for several long minutes, neither of them interested in moving. She shifted slightly as his grip tightened, pulling her body completely flush with his. His head dipped to her shoulder, nuzzling against her and feeling her shiver. "I thought we didn't have time for distractions." She teased.

"You're the one that's on top of me." He countered smugly.

She hunched forward then, her hair cascading over her face and Grimmjow's arms acting as an anchor around her midsection. "I never understood why my mentor sacrificed his life for the rebellion and refused to let me do the same." She said suddenly, her thoughts weighing too heavily on her mind to hold in.

"That's an easy answer." He returned while pulling her back against him, his lips nearing her ear and his voice soft. "He just didn't want you to die."

Her face instantly fell, her eyes suddenly glassing over. "Then why did he? Why did he leave me? Why does everyone I care about have to die?" Her voice ached.

"Ruka, I ain't going anywhere." He replied firmly while turning her, forcing her to look at him. "I ain't going to die." She sighed painfully before shifting forward and resting her head against his shoulder. His arms slid behind her, holding her against him. "You worry too fucking much."

A broken laugh rumbled against his skin. "Yeah, yeah."

" _I remember, Dairokkan. I remember everything...everything we worked so hard for, everything we lost, and everything we dreamed for. I remember it all and none of it matters."_

" _It only matters in that it has shaped you into the being you are now. Without your past there is no future. Without your mistakes there is no wisdom. You don't need eyes to see. Sometimes it is our sight that makes us blind."_

" _I'm not going to let anyone control me anymore. Whether it's the S4G, Aizen, Soul Society...I will follow my own ideals; our own ideals."_

" _As it should be." There was a pause, a hesitation. "And what of him?"_

" _I-I don't know yet."_

" _You care too much for him. He is brutal and selfish."_

" _Not to me."_

" _You are making the same mistakes, Haruka. You will follow him like you did with Aizen."_

 _The accusation had Haruka's blood boiling. "No I won't." Her certainty was overwhelming. "I will not make the same mistake."_

" _We shall see."_

" _He saved me. He saved you! How could you possibly compare him to Aizen?"_

" _Aizen also pretended to be a savior."_

" _Grimmjow is not trying to be a savior. That's the difference."_

" _I can only follow you, Haruka, for I am your zanpakuto. I only wonder what you will do when he returns to his old habits. What will you do when he returns to Hueco Mundo? What will you do when you watch him slaughter innocent lives to make an example of those around him? Will you turn a blind eye?"_

" _He is a consequence of his past."_

" _Exactly."_

" _And it's a past he can learn from. Our past may shapen us, but it does not have to define us. He can be a better person. Ideals and perspective are not concrete. People can change, Dairokkan. I did." She insisted. "I'm asking you not to give up on him; just like you didn't give up on me."_

 _Her zanpakuto went silent for several moments before speaking once more. "As I said, I can only follow you. It is your judgement that will be upheld. So as long as you do not give up on him, I cannot. I only suggest you practice using caution. Kenji, at least, was an honorable man. The Arrancar is not."_

"Ruka? Why you holding on to me so tight?" He questioned after they remained in that position for far too long, her arms like a vice around him. Not that he minded, but he could sense something was going through her mind.

"Sorry." She whispered while loosening her grip and pushing off of him.

He grasped her wrist to prevent her from leaving. "That ain't an answer."

"You know me." She smiled. "Just thinking too much as usual."

He frowned, displeased by her response. "Well, are you clear headed enough to continue, at least?" He deflected.

She nodded. "Yeah, let's get back to work."

* * *

He watched as her chest gently rose and fell at a steady rhythm, her heart thudding melodically. He lay flat on his back with her laying perpendicular, her head on his chest. She had been exhausted, nearly collapsing against him when he deemed their training at an end for the day. Perhaps he pushed her too far, but he had no choice. If he was really going to let her fight alone, then she damn well needed to be ready. And that meant he needed to get her to a point where she could release her ultimate ability once more. She needed to reawaken her bankai.

She groaned and then sighed, turning to her side so she faced him. Her hair cascaded down into her face, blocking his view. His hand moved automatically, sliding those stray locks behind her ear. She stirred for just a moment before falling back into a blissful rest. He reveled in it; the heat of her breath against his bare chest, the way she slept so soundly in his presence, and the way she let her guard down completely all caressed his ego in the most enjoyable way. Each second that ticked by only enforced the feeling more, the instinct of wanting her to be his and only his. Just when did she manage to get such a hold over him?

One thought continued to plague him, however. What the hell was he going to do when he was done here? Could he drag her back to Hueco Mundo with him? Would she even go? Could he adjust to a life here? He scoffed at his own train of thought. Since when did he give a shit about the what ifs? Since her.

A loud crash had his eyes lazily shifting towards the staircase. "Stop snoring, Crey! I can't sleep!" Mimi shrieked.

"How dare you hit me!? Don't you have any manners, you scourge!?" Crey responded.

"Scourge!?" Mimi burst out laughing. "What kind of insult is that?"

"It's meaning is as intended." He huffed. "Go sleep on a rock if my snoring is bothering you."

"How about you just stop snoring?"

A blast of red light exploded a few meters from them, causing them to embrace one another in panic. Grimmjow snickered, pleased at the silence his half-ass cero was able to produce. He didn't want to put too much effort into it. He wanted his shinigami to rest.

His eyes drifted closed and he sighed. "Sweet dreams, Kitten."


	14. Chapter 14

_/*Hey all! Thank you again for the continued reviews, favorites, and follows! It's always great motivation knowing others are enjoying the story. This chapter needs a few warnings. First, I might be veering off canon slightly in this chapter in regards to how the Bleach universe works. I didn't dive too deep into researching it, mostly because I need it to work this way for character motivation/development. Second, this is the longest chapter so far (I know that's not necessarily a bad thing). I couldn't really find a good place to end it and still not entirely happy with the ending. And the third **warning: this chapter contains a lemon! Please do not continue if you do not wish to read or should not read the dirty smut in this chapter.** And with that, we continue on! */_

* * *

Five excruciating days passed. Five days of endless battle with a dangerous being who continued to push her further and further passed her limits. While he couldn't deny she was improving, she still wasn't able to reach her final ability no matter how dangerous he made this spar. There had been several times where an overwhelming anxiety took hold when she took a direct hit from a cero or failed to counter his sword. It greatly diminished the joys he usually got out of combat, but this wasn't for his enjoyment. This was so she could finally finish what she started.

"Obviously you ain't scared for your life enough." He stated simply after she took a hit to the chest. "I think we need to up the ante."

Haruka stood there, her chest heaving and sweat dripping down her face. Never in her wildest dreams did she expect to see what was about to occur in front of her. The Arrancar crouched while holding his sword horizontally in his right hand, his left hovering above the blade. Everything stilled for the breath of a second before a pulse of power erupted in a whirlwind around him. "Grind, Pantera."

Haruka took a step back, panic and dread deteriorating her features. He couldn't remember the last time he saw this much fear from her and while that was his ultimate goal, it still bothered him. "Pantera…" She whispered as her blind eyes roamed his overwhelming energy. Her terror was strong reminder of the power he still held.

"What are you going to do now, Ruka?" He asked, his voice serious and taunting.

Her jaw clenched as she took a defensive position. " _Dairokkan, I need you."_ She thought, but got no response.

Grimmjow frowned, displeased with what he was about to do. But they had no options left. "This is your last chance, Ruka. Either let me take your place in your fight, or release your Bankai."

"I won't let you win this." She ground out on a quaking voice. His face grew darker, a grim dissatisfaction taking hold.

"Be ready. This is going to hurt." Before the final word reached her, he was upon her, colliding his kick into her side. She couldn't follow, his speed exponentially higher than her senses could follow. His reiatsu swirled around him in all directions, pure unconventional chaos that she just couldn't keep up with. Her body tumbled and smashed along the ground, causing new bruises and lacerations to form. She gasped as fear for her life started taking hold. He was at her again, another kick sending her in the opposite direction. Then she started to flee.

"Don't run from me! Turn around and fight!" He snarled as he reached her effortlessly, slashing her back and causing blood to explode onto the dusty ground.

The cry that erupted from her lips had him faltering. He pushed passed the uncomfortable sensation to jab her in the chest with his knee. She collapsed in a heap on the ground, the air in her lungs sputtering in and out wildly.

"Face it. You ain't good enough." He taunted, frustrated in her lack of determination.

Then there was a deadly whisper. "Raito o keshimasu..." The cloud of purple sparks took him by surprise, erupting in front of him. He jumped back, avoiding most of the damage, and watched as she pushed herself to a stand. Her reiatsu pulsed around her, beating like a heart back to life.

"I am good enough." She replied with complete confidence, her voice rigid and dangerous despite the drips of crimson liquid pooling at her feet. "I will win."

A small smile pulled at his lips, pleased at his shinigami's response. "Show me, Ruka."

"It's time for a shift in your reality." She stated while grasping the hilt of her zanpakuto in both hands. The pulsing came quicker, her energy building. "Bankai! Dairokkan no rerumu!" The energy spread, taking the form of a violet fog reaching the entirety of the desert. It enveloped everything, including her.

"Changing your environment ain't going to save you." He teased.

"There are places where the rules you are used to don't exist. This is Dairokkan's realm. There are no rules of physics, no rules of gravity, nothing but what I will there to be. This is my dimension and now you have to play by my rules." Her voice echoed all around him, encompassing him.

A grin pulled back his lips followed by an insane laughter. "Finally! Come at me, Ruka!"

It only took a second for her sword to slice along his shoulder, his armor like paper. He grunted as blood exploded, running down his back and chest. He used sonido to gain some distance, but his grasp on the world was altered. His feet felt too airy, his connection to the ground faltering. When he was finally able to steady himself, he got a decent look at her. A dark, decorative band was tied around her eyes, hiding them from him. Her skin was painted with intricate designs curling along her body from her face to her feet. Most of her clothing had transformed as well, the purple fabric only covering her modesty in order to show those tattooed markings. Her beautiful midnight hair was tied in a braid that fell to her lower back. She held her zanpakuto up with a single finger, the blade looking as light as air. It was decorated in similar symbols as those that were on her skin with waves of lavender, mauve and twilight.

"Damn, Kitten, you should wear that outfit more often." He snickered and she smiled, a devious gesture, right before disappearing. She appeared above him, her movements not even trackable. He managed to block the incoming blade, though it now felt as heavy as a building, pushing him into the ground with unbelievable force.

He managed to parry the blow, causing her to crash into the ground beside him. It wasn't enough. She lifted the blade instantly, like it weighed nothing once more and then sliced it towards his chest. He countered with his arm, sparks flying in both of their faces. She flickered away and then back behind him again, her speed changing instantly and impossible to follow. " _This ain't going to go my way if I play by her rules."_ He thought. " _Subtraction for gain. What if I take away the subtraction?_ " He wondered as his gaze focused on the wrap around her eyes.

He charged, pretending to slice at her midsection before switching his other hand to the back of her head. She saw it, dodged him and then kicked her bare feet into his chest. They felt like lead weights pounding against him at an overwhelming speed. He flew back into the air and crashed against a boulder.

"You give up yet?" She stalked over to him slowly as he lay against the broken stone. She crawled over him, her one hand pressing against his good shoulder to hold herself up and the other holding her zanpakuto to his throat. Her naked thighs slid against his armor as she straddled him, a dangerous risk if she were anywhere but her own realm. Her face inched closer, coming within a breath of his.

He grinned as his clawed hand slid along the bare skin of her back, careful to avoid the slash he had inflicted on her prior. He was still able to feel the shiver he evoked with just his touch and it utterly pleased him. "You know you got me pinned, Kitten." He taunted as his hand slid up further to the back of her neck. "How about one kiss for a sorry beaten soul?" He asked as his hand slid into her hair.

Her smile was teasing and prideful. Just before their lips met, he tore the cloth tied at the back of her head. She gasped before retreating, trying to hold the fabric in place as the realm shifted. It wasn't enough.

As soon as the fabric finished disintegrating, so too did the fog around them, revealing their familiar training ground. "How did you figure it out?" She asked, obviously put off by being overtaken so easily.

He approached her, his dangerous fingers sliding into her hair once more and pulling her lips to him. His long blue hair brushed against her face and she couldn't fight the desire to tangle her fists within it. His hands roamed, running along her back and to her ass, pulling her to him as he attempted to devour her. She quivered, her entire body overwhelmed between exhaustion and passion.

Finally, he broke away. His thumb ran across her swollen bottom lip as she gasped for breath and attempted to steady herself. "I don't scare you, Kitten, do I?"

She huffed sarcastically. "In that form? You're terrifying." She admitted and he frowned.

"You know I wouldn't kill you." He answered. "I just had to motivate you."

"Yea, motivate." She scoffed. "You look damn good though." She added as a pink hue dusted her cheeks.

A devilish smile pulled at his lips. "Sorry Kitten, but if I stayed looking like this, all of Soul Society would descend on us." He chuckled as she flustered further. "Send the two idiots out for some food and I can show you this form ain't just for a good fight."

"Maybe after I heal our wounds." She pressed a finger against the gaping slash in his shoulder and he winced.

"Yea, I guess." He pouted.

They turned and began walking towards the staircase, not realizing someone familiar had joined their gigais. "Bravo." Urahara cheered while clapping as they approached. "An impressive display."

"Urahara-san? What are you doing here?" Haruka questioned.

It was then Urahara raised his cane and fired at Grimmjow. He managed to dodge just quick enough for the hit to only graze his arm. "What the fuck, clogs?" Grimmjow snarled.

"That was for breaking the rules." Urahara's tone was low and threatening. Haruka was taken aback by the sheer force of it.

"Urahara! Stop it!" Haruka used shunpo, instantly appearing in front of Grimmjow to block him from Urahara's view and also to keep Grimmjow from retaliating.

"And this is a warning." He said as he lowered his weapon. "You let anything happen to her, Grimmjow-san, and Kurosaki-san won't even be a concern for you anymore."

"What is this about, Urahara-san? Grimmjow is not responsible for my well being." She insisted as she stormed over to him.

"He is now." He said firmly as he used his zanpakuto to point out the bruising bite that somehow managed to not only mark her gigai, but also her very soul.

She grabbed the sheath harshly, her glare scathing. "What we do on our time is none of your business."

"My apologies." He bowed his head slightly while pulling his sword free of her hold. "But it doesn't change anything."

"Didn't I say you are going to have to deal with him?" Grimmjow flung his hand in Urahara's direction. "Asshole. I should rip his goddamn head off."

Urahara's grin stretched the length of his face, only annoying Grimmjow further. "I came to see who was causing my barriers so much strain." He turned leisurely, making strides towards the exit. "I'm glad to see it was only you two. Though, I did not expect such powerful displays. I'm glad things are improving for you, Akiyama-san."

"That can't be the only reason you came here." Haruka accused.

"Well there was one other thing that had been on my mind ever since seeing that nasty bruise on your shoulder. I wanted to ask that you do please exercise caution when participating in your couplings. Your gigai is specially made to match human anatomy. You don't want any unexpected surprises!" His tone was infuriatingly smug.

Haruka deadpanned. "What?"

"Well when you told me you wanted to start a new life in the World of the Living, I assumed it was as a human so I made sure your gigai was made to such specifications. Really it's not the first one I've done like that." He bragged.

"Why didn't you tell me this sooner!? And more importantly, why is his built to those same specifications!?" Haruka exclaimed in near panic while pointing to a rather leisurely looking Grimmjow.

"Well, Akiyama-san, you see-" He started before immediately being cut off.

"You sneaky son of a bitch! You planned this, didn't you?"

"The accusations, Akiyama-san!" Urahara gasped dramatically while pulling out his fan, waving it idly. "I gave him a similar design simply for the fact that he also may want to start a life here. I'm sure it's much calmer here than in Hueco Mundo. I thought it would be good to have the option."

Grimmjow snorted. "Yea me a family man. You realize what I am don't you?"

"People change; even Hollows like you." He countered with amusement.

"I still don't believe you." Haruka huffed.

"Akiyama-san, if that was my plan, I wouldn't have made it a condition for him not to defile you like he has-"

"Urahara…"

"And I wouldn't have come here to warn you if my goal was the opposite." Urahara chuckled mischievously.

"You shouldn't leave information like that out!" She continued to sulk, stomping her feet. "What if I- what if he-" She pointed to Grimmjow.

"Awe, Lady-sama and Mister-sama are going to have a baby!" Mimi cheered while clapping her hands together. Haruka picked up the nearest rock and chucked it at her gigai's head, knocking Mimi off the stairs. Crey burst out into laughter as Mimi groaned on the ground.

Urahara chuckled. "If that's the case, you better finish up any business you have. You wouldn't want to put yourself in harm's way."

"URAHARA!"

"You ain't pregnant." Grimmjow spat out with annoyance.

"How do you know!?" She turned her angry glare on him.

"Because you would've felt it. Someone as sensitive to reishi as you would have sensed another presence, no matter how small and insignificant it was." He rationalized and she calmed. "Especially in your own damn body."

She stalked over to Mimi and pressed her hands to her abdomen reaching out and feeling nothing. "Right." She nodded.

"Well now that this business is completed, I should be going. I have a lot of deliveries to make since my delivery girl took the week off." He sighed.

"Don't start, Urahara-san." She growled.

"Sayonara!" He waved his fan in their direction before making his way out.

Haruka sighed and shook her head, taking a moment to compose herself before approaching Grimmjow. She grasped his wrist and pulled him to the stairs, forcing him to sit. "Crey, Mimi, can you guys head back to the apartment and get my medical supplies? They are in the first aid kit I keep under the bed. Oh and grab us something to eat? Mimi, the money is in my wallet."

"Yes, Lady-sama! What should we get!?" Mimi asked with excitement, suddenly fully recovered.

"Anything is fine." She responded with a wave.

"Lady-sama...I can't just get anything...I need to know what you are in the mood for!" She pined.

Haruka sighed while pressing her fingers to her temple. "Crey? Can you please get us some food?" She asked. Mimi's face twisted with dread, appalled at being so easily replaced.

"Of course, Akiyama-sama! Let's go Mimi-chan! We have a task that needs completing!" Crey marched up the stairs while grabbing Mimi's hair who then subsequently flailed her legs and screamed.

"But, but, but- Lady-sama!"

"That ought to get rid of them for awhile." She sighed before turning her attention to Grimmjow's wound.

"Heal yourself first, Ruka." He ordered.

"I'm fine, really." She tried, but stopped with a strong wince as he ran his hand along her ribs. "Fine."

It didn't take too long to repair the broken bones and bruised muscles. The lacerations were fairly clean cut, except for the slash at her back. That took a bit more concentration. As soon as she was finished she turned her attention to him. She stood over him with cool hands hovered over the wound, studying his face. He looked serious, more so than she had ever seen him.

"What are you thinking about?" She asked gently.

He glanced up, "Hollows can't have kids." He stated plainly.

"Neither can souls. It's a human thing. In Soul Society, we created families together when new souls arrived and then shared a family name. We found people to enjoy life with." She answered.

"Hollows don't have families." He replied bitterly.

"I'm here, if you want me to be." She said carefully. Her eyes briefly met his before jumping back to his wound. He didn't answer, instead sinking back into his solace. A pang of hurt clenched her chest at his lack of response. She buried it, deciding instead to focus on her kido.

Her eyes roamed as she worked, sliding over the scarring on his chest. It was normally hidden from her view while he was in his gigai. This was the first time she really took the time to observe it. "You know, I might be able to remove some of that scarring if you want." She suggested.

His icy stare slid up to meet hers. "Why would I want that?"

"I-I don't know. Sometimes scarring is painful if it leaves adhesions. Or they are attached to bad memories." Her voice wavered as she regretted saying anything.

"Don't worry about 'em." He was cold and distant.

She waited a moment before asking the question that was burning on her tongue. "Who did that to you?" She straightened and turned towards him slightly as the last of his skin knitted together.

"Ruka." His voice was filled with warning.

"Was it Aizen? Or Kurosaki-"

"I said don't worry about it."

Her head fell as she released the spell, his skin and armor looking like new where she had cut him. "Right, sorry." She turned, ready to create some distance, but he stopped her with a forceful grip around her wrist. He pulled and she stumbled right into his lap. His reiatsu was so overwhelming in this form. It caused her body to tremble at the weight of it. Or maybe it was the way his eyes pierced into her, pinning her in place as his hands forced her legs around his waist.

"Don't be afraid of me." His voice rumbled, low and consuming.

"I-I'm not." She replied defensively.

"Liar."

"I can't help it. It's an instinct to be at least a little bit fearful when a man that can break me in two is holding me in his lap." She accused.

He smirked, his head coming up to press his lips against the nape of her neck. His sour mood was effectively broken. "I would never break you in two, Kitten. You're too much fun to play with."

She snorted out a laugh as her arms slid around his neck and into his hair. "Can we go play some place where those two dingbats won't stumble on us?" She asked on a gasp as his tongue ran over that mark.

"Anything you want, Kitten." He purred before taking off in a flash of sonido. The world whipped by her and she clung to him, the lack of control over the movement disorienting her.

They ended up on the other side of the training grounds behind a particularly large rock formation. Immediately he was tugging and pulling at her clothing, attempting to free flesh. "Don't rip it!" She scolded as she pulled her clothing off.

"It doesn't fucking matter, you're going back into a gigai anyway." He huffed around his mouthful of skin.

"I still don't want Mimi and Crey to see me walking around naked!" She hissed.

He growled in response. "Only I'm allowed to see that." The possessiveness in his voice had her melting as she tossed the remains of her clothing to the side. "You have no idea what you do to me, Kitten." He groaned as she straddled his hips once more. His arms wrapped around her, pulling her naked form flush against him.

"Oh I have a little bit of an idea." She purred playfully as she ground her sensitive flesh against his revealed erection. A strained grunt escaped his lips at the sensation. He couldn't wait any longer. Days of training and pent up frustrations had his patience at its limits. Then having to deal with a blow from clogs…

With one hand he raised her up just enough to line himself with her entrance before releasing her and allowing her to adjust to her own rhythm. A broken sigh echoed off the rocks as her head fell back. Slowly she lowered herself until their hips were flush and her needy cry mingled with his desperate groan. "Fuck me, Ruka." He urged, unable to delay it any further.

She slid herself forward with her arms wrapping around his neck and fists tangling in his hair before finally lifting her hips slowly and pressing back into him. His dangerous fingers settled loosely on her hips and his head pressed back against the rock. Her pace increased; the friction of him sliding in and out had her gasping and groaning. Her hips crashed against him, that tiny bundle of nerves at the apex of her thighs lighting up with intensity.

She clung to him for support, her head falling to his shoulder and her lips and tongue finding sweat-stained skin against the nape of his neck. His fingers dug into her hips, lifting and slamming her down onto him at a more frantic pace. Her cries and moans increased at each deep contact until finally she pressed herself eagerly against him, grinding and feeling and tightening. A thin sheen of sweat broke out on her skin as her orgasm consumed her. She fell against him, exhaustion from training and healing finally taking its toll.

He picked her up effortlessly, his hands groping her ass as he pinned her back against the rock. Still joined as one, he adjusted his arms under her legs, lifting them up and trapping her in place as the flats of his palms pressed into the rock to support her lithe little frame. His razor sharp armor pinned her helplessly for his taking. He dipped his head forward, catching her plump lips with his, drawing out moans as their tongues battled. His control slipped as her tight folds consumed him, the position he had her in causing sweet friction in all her most sensitive places. She broke away from his lips as his thrusts quickened. Her head craned back, her cries of pleasure echoing off the rocks around them. Her body quaked, attempting to squirm away from the intense sensations, but being firmly trapped between him and the boulder.

"That's it. Scream for me, Kitten." He growled, his voice predatory. Her fingers dug into his shoulders, desperate to cling to something as he was the only thing keeping her from falling. His strength was unfathomable, holding her up in her lewd position for his eyes to consume in entirety. She couldn't move, all her pleasure was at his discretion. He was in complete control.

He felt as her sex tightened around him, urging him to join her in the pleasurable release, but he wasn't done breaking her just yet. He brutally pounded through her orgasm, greedy to build up another. She, on the other hand, was barely holding on. The sensations were more than she could handle and the intensity was borderline painful. Her nerves were overworked and on fire. His armor dug into her legs, tiny trickles of blood starting to drip. The pain only got lost in the whirlwind of pleasures plaguing her body in those delicious moments. The waves continued to build, his brutal pace and endless friction consuming her all over again.

"Grimmjow!" Her head fell back completely as she screamed his name. The consecutive orgasm was more intense than the first. Her whole body quivered as his stuttered cry mingled with their obnoxious noises. His thrusts became strained, sporadic. Their reishi mingled with one another, dancing in a hue of purples and blues. Then the explosive sensation followed as he came in her tightened sex, draining him completely.

They both heaved as he released her legs, gently lowering her down to the ground. She stumbled against him, her legs on fire. "I needed that." She remarked on a hoarse voice. Her head pressed against his chest as he wrapped his arms around her shoulders.

"Anytime you want it, Kitten." He responded. His mind was consumed with thoughts of her once more, that whisper of instinct becoming a deafening roar in his mind. _She's all fucking mine._

After enjoying the lingering sensations for a few moments more, she pushed herself away from him and gathered her clothing. While she dressed, he transformed back, his sword returning to his hand. He then noticed the small slices in her legs and knelt beside her.

She jumped at the unexpected sensation of his tongue along her leg. "Hey!" She squirmed away.

"Didn't mean to cut you." He said as he remained crouched, waiting for her to come back to him.

She looked down, the wound he had invaded with his mouth had healed. "That's...an interesting trick." She mentioned as she ran her fingers over the new skin. "How did you do that?"

He shrugged. "Come back over here."

She hesitated. "I'm not so sure I like you doing that."

" _That_ you have a problem with?" He asked, his voice filled with disbelief. "But how I gave you the wounds was no big deal?"

"Compared to the wounds you gave me during our spar?" She shot back smuggly.

"That was necessary." He argued half-heartedly while standing.

"Uh-huh."

"I gave you a choice, Ruka. I ain't going to let you get slashed up by a couple of shinigamis with a grudge. If anyone is going to put a mark on you, it's me and only me." His temper flared, his anger startling her slightly and causing him to draw back.

She composed herself quickly before using her kido to heal the other slice to her skin. "While I appreciate the sentiment, I couldn't possibly accept that." She said firmly before her face fell, a veil of sadness cascading upon her features. "I'm not going to hide behind you. I can't keep hiding behind those that can protect me. I'm not going to be weak anymore."

"You were never weak." He argued.

"How could you possibly say that?" She asked on a dark, disbelieving laugh.

"I know what weaklings look like. And you ain't one of them." He continued to urge.

"It doesn't change anything. I'm not going to hide behind you." She whispered.

"You're right, it doesn't change anything. I ain't letting you get hurt."

"I thought you didn't care about anyone else." She prodded, egging him on.

He approached her, reaching her in two long strides before leaning towards her. His breath was hot on her lips, his sapphire gaze scalding her. "I ain't playing these games with you. You ain't stupid so stop pretending to be." He pulled back as her gaze fell into a glare.

"All of this...everything between us, what does it mean to you?" She asked, her voice held the longing she felt despite her attempts to hide it.

He glanced at her, his jaw clenching before he took off in a shift of sonido towards the staircase. Her pained expression followed him, disappointment wrapping itself around her. She waited for only a few moments before going after him, arriving just in time for the gigais to make their grand entrance.

"Grimmjow." Her voice pulled his attention away from the food. "Tomorrow, I want to take you to see Kurosaki-san."

He tilted his head slightly, skepticism causing his brow to furrow. "Why?"

"Because I feel like you should know what you are waiting around for." She answered while trying to keep the bitterness out of her voice. "Just on the condition you don't let him see you. Urahara would kill me."

"Clogs wouldn't touch you." Grimmjow sneered. "He tried to blow my fucking head off for you."

"Well he would at the very least give me an earful. As long as you look from afar, I'll take you to see him." She said sternly.

Grimmjow regarded her for several moments. While his desire to fight Kurosaki to the death had been put on the back burner, he couldn't deny it was still there. He needed to see that shinigami for himself and see if clogs was even making good on his offer. "Alright, Ruka. You have a deal."

Haruka nodded her head, pleased that her underlying motive was not discovered. Just why was he sticking around?


	15. Chapter 15

_/* Hi all! This chapter has a bit of an angst/comfort type feel and also a bit of fluff. To address a question posed from the last chapter- I tried to find concrete information on the whole procreating thing, but mostly just found debates on forums. The only thing I can say is that it is very likely souls can procreate based on the final episode in the manga and just the fact that a very large number of souls in Seireitei has family members. I'm thinking only souls with strong reishi can procreate (just like how only souls with strong reishi need food to sustain themselves). So for the purposes of this story I just noted that any family bonds were through adoption-type relationships. As for Hollows, I'm pretty certain that's not a possibility. And again, I didn't dive too deep into because it's not a huge giant factor for the purposes of this story. Alright, I've babbled enough. Hope you enjoy! */_

* * *

"Why do we have to take this stupid thing?" Grimmjow scoffed as he sat in the passenger side of Haruka's car.

"Because we need to look as normal as possible." She replied.

Grimmjow snorted. "You realize how stupid that sounds, right?"

"Yes." She sighed. "But it's unlikely Kurosaki-san will notice you sitting in my car. It's less risky than trying to hide you somewhere on the property."

"Fine, whatever. Are we almost there yet or what?" He grumbled.

"Stop being so grumpy. You're getting to see your arch rival. Be a little happier about it." She replied back.

"I ain't grumpy."

"You're a grouch."

"Fuck you."

"Oh, you are _really_ grumpy today. What's got you so annoyed? Is it because we skipped breakfast?" She prodded.

"Ruka, I swear to-"

"Here we are!" She announced as she parked on the opposite side of the street to the Kurosaki clinic.

"This is it?" He deadpanned.

"Well what were you expecting? A giant castle?" She smirked. "Remember, humans don't have a clue about what goes on in Soul Society or Hueco Mundo. They are in the dark. As far as anyone here is concerned, he's just a highschool student living with his family and helping out at the family clinic."

"Why fucking bother? Why go through any of the shit he went through for nothing?" Grimmjow questioned.

"He didn't do it for nothing. He did it for the people he cared about. That has more value than any material object." Haruka said gently, realizing instantly she had struck a chord. Grimmjow's face soured further, his dark mood increasing exponentially and only solidified her assumption when he went completely silent. "Wait here. I'll get him to come to the door."

Haruka got out of the car and walked across the street. She had thought about an excuse for her being there for the entire drive and could only come up with one option other than pretending to have a delivery from Urahara's place.

She rang the bell once and waited patiently, counting the flowers in the bed as the seconds passed. Finally, after what had felt like hours, she could hear the lock on the door unlatch and then it opening. Just as she was hoping, a head of unruly orange hair flooded her vision.

"Haruka? I don't think we ordered anything from Urahara…" He started.

"I'm not here for that." She said as she stepped to the side slightly, hopefully allowing Grimmjow to get a decent view. "I'm really sorry to intrude, but I just wanted to thank you. And also apologize to you."

"Apologize to me?" His confusion furthered and Haruka sighed.

"Yes. I used to work for Aizen before I realized what his true intentions were and I suppose even thereafter out of desperation and fear. I thought I was helping Soul Society and my brethren, when I was only assisting in Aizen's plan. I was only his pawn. So when you came to Hueco Mundo, I used your garganta to escape to the World of the Living. However, the reason I was able to escape was because I was replaced…" She paused, the next words getting caught in her throat. She cleared it and mustered up the courage to continue. "I was replaced by Orihime Inoue."

Kurosaki's face twisted with shock as he listened to this strange story from this strange girl. "You were replaced by Inoue…"

"I'm sorry. I should have tried to bring her with me. I should have done something, but I was a coward. I didn't fight for my own ideals." Haruka whispered. "But I want you to know that I'm changing that. I'm starting over. I'm working to redeem myself. And I don't expect any forgiveness from you Kurosaki-san." Her eyes were pinned to her feet, the real shame of what she was expressing bubbling to the surface.

"It's Ichigo." That warm, accepting tone said. She looked up with her startled violet eyes and relief washed over her at seeing his smile.

"Ichigo…"

"And it's ok. Inoue is fine now and really I don't think there was anything you could do. You were just trying to get away from Aizen. It wasn't your fault you had to leave her behind." He replied.

"I-" She paused trying to understand this man's forgiving nature. "Thank you."

"Do you want to come inside?" He offered as he moved aside.

"No, I can't. I have some important business to get back to. But thank you again, Ichigo. Thank you for giving me a second chance to do what's right."

"I'm pretty sure you did that on your own." He smiled. "Take care of yourself, Haruka. I'm sure I'll see you around."

She nodded while returning his smile. "You will."

Haruka waited until the door was shut before making her way back to the car. She wanted to make sure Ichigo wasn't watching, less he discover who she brought with her. After she got into the driver's seat, she sighed and started the car. Her grumpy Arrancar was still brooding, perhaps even more so now that he knew the truth. Ichigo Kurosaki was just a regular human even after all this waiting.

She drove away, the silence only becoming more awkward as they went. "So?" She finally questioned.

"So what?" He spat back so forcefully it made her flinch.

"I'm sorry he's not what you were hoping for, Grimmjow." She replied gently, attempting to keep her temper contained.

"No, he's what everyone else is hoping for. He's the hero. The great Kurosaki!" He roared. "Why don't you head back and grovel at his feet, Ruka? Beg him for forgiveness, kiss his toes, and thank him for all he's done right. Better yet, why don't you get right to the point and jump in his bed right now?"

"What in the fuck is wrong with you?" Haruka shouted so angrily that Grimmjow paused. Her appalled look caused an equal amount of hesitation on his end. "Are you that jealous of him? Honestly, I never imagined you being insecure."

"I ain't fucking insecure. Look at him. He ain't fucking shit anymore. I could rip him in two just by looking at the weak, pathetic fuck." He continued to rant.

"Not everything is a competition to see who is better." She attempted to rationalize.

"How can he be so goddamn happy so powerless?" Grimmjow had meant to keep the question in his head, but it slipped out in his fury.

Haruka's anger faded as new understanding came forth. "He's not happy." She responded. "He's just skilled at putting up a show."

Grimmjow glanced at her, wretched disbelief twisting his features. "He's got everyone fawning over him-"

"He can't protect those he cares about anymore." She cut in. "I wasn't there when you two fought, but you said he should have killed you when he had the chance. Meaning he didn't want to kill you. He was there to save Orihime Inoue. He fought to protect his friends and family. That was his only motivation. He didn't do it to prove he was the best. He didn't do it to be praised and spoken about in legends." She lectured.

"What are you trying to say, Ruka?" Grimmjow frowned as she belitted his very reason for existing.

"I'm not saying you should be like Kurosaki. Hell, I'm not even saying to find another reason to fight anymore." She sighed, her frustration showing through. "I don't know what I'm saying."

He glanced at her while going silent, carefully keeping his thoughts to himself. The rest of the drive remained equally awkward and silent. They moved up the apartment stairs and to Haruka's door. She pulled out her key, sliding it toward the lock. Just before she turned it, Grimmjow pressed the flat of his palm against the frame in front of her. His eyes were pinned to the door handle, unable to hold her gaze. "It's the shinigami way, right? To protect those that can't protect themselves? To kill Hollows like me that threaten everyone's existence."

"Everyone follows their own set of ideals, Grimmjow. But I guess it helps that I'm not a shinigami anymore and neither is Ichigo." She replied. His brow twitched at the sound of that asshole's name falling so easily from her lips. Her hand slipped up to his bare arm that was pressed so tightly against the door frame, it looked as if it would break. "Why are you being like this?"

His sapphire eyes finally slid over to her desperate gaze. His jaw was clenched and muscles tight. Everything about him radiated unease. "I ain't worth anyone's fucking time." He managed to ground out with effort. Her touch was scalding his skin, reminding him of what he desired, turning that whisper into a roar.

Her face instantly fell, shock flitting across it. "That's a lie and you know it." She insisted.

"All you talk about is finding a cause worthy to fight for, finding your own ideals to follow. You spout shit about family and friends. I ain't got any of that. I was Aizen's pawn, just good enough to be thrown in the fucking dirt when he was done." His voice was low, pained. She had never seen him like this. His cocky, confident grin; his crazed, joyous laughter; that uncaring attitude; it was all buried by this new uneasy darkness that Haruka was well familiar with.

"I used to think the same way, you know." She offered. "After the S4G were either killed or fled, I was left behind. I was one of five that allowed Seireitei to silence my zanpakuto. The other four disappeared into the ranks, making themselves unknown. I guess I did the same thing. Everything I stood for was shattered. Everything I thought I knew was a lie. But then I met Kenji. And he showed me that I could fight for something else, for something more. He showed me that I could discover a new meaning to my life. So I did." She spoke softly as he listened, her voice pinning him in place.

"And then Aizen came into my life and the cycle of lies started all over again. Then I lost Kenji. And after that, I lost myself completely. I dragged myself through the days and tried to find a way to redemption until the only option left was death. But then you showed up that night. You reminded me. You brought back my reason for living and for fighting. And maybe one day, you'll be gone too, but it won't be without knowing that every moment I spent with you gave meaning to every painful thing that has ever happened in my life. Our past shapes us, it guides us, but it does not define us. Just because you were alone before, doesn't mean you have to be alone now. Just because you weren't valued in Hueco Mundo, doesn't mean you can't be valued here." He was stone still as his intimidating gaze bore into her. Even this miserable and low, he still looked ready to pounce. She sighed while looking away briefly, mustering up the courage to continue. "I only hope that I've had a fraction of the effect on you that you've had on me."

He swallowed hard while lowering his arm and unblocking the door. "Why?" His whisper was broken, hollow.

A small smile pulled at her lips and warmed his soul. "Because you're my friend. Because I care about you. Because I…" She paused, unable to voice what her mind was screaming at that moment.

"Because you what?" He asked, his voice soft as some of the despair was starting to leave it.

"Because I like you. A lot." She blushed. His posture loosened as a smirk replaced that insistent frown. He brought his thumb up, running it across her burning cheek. She stopped his hand from leaving with the press of her palm, shifting her face so that her lips could place a chaste kiss there. She released him and then spoke, "And you are worth every second of my time, no matter how much of a pain in the ass you're being."

He snorted out a sarcastic laugh in response. He dipped his head then, catching her lips and running his tongue along them. She responded, shifting her arms around his neck to pull herself flush with him as her mouth opened and her tongue joined his. His hand pulled at her thighs, lifting her up and wrapping her legs around his waist. He turned her so that her back was against the door. She clung to him as he fiddled with the key in the lock, his mouth still locked onto hers and his eyes trying to see around her.

"Fucking lock." The garbled curse filtered out from their entangled lips causing her to smirk.

"I can get it." She offered as she pulled away from his mouth and twisted her hand around to rest on his. "You just have to jiggle it a little." The lock gave and the door swung open forcefully as Grimmjow plowed through it. "Close the door!" She shrieked on a laugh as he made it halfway to her bedroom.

He growled before turning around and carrying her back towards the door to slam it shut, her laughter buzzing along his skin the whole way. "You always gotta nag me, Ruka." He teased.

"Get used to it." She teased back before dipping her head to his neck to plant a trail of soft kisses.

A quiet groan escaped his lips. "There are a few things I could get used to." His voice was strained by building lust.

Faster than she expected, Haruka's back was met with the mattress. The weight of him pinned her in place as his tongue lavished her neck, slow and teasing. "Grimmjow," she sighed, "I need you."

A hushed, drawn out moan rumbled against her skin before his lips moved up to her ear, "say it again." The longing in his voice sent a shiver down her spine.

She pushed at his chest, forcing him up enough for her to catch his gaze. "I need you." She said, her tone changing. The lust and desire fueled emotions were pushed aside for just a moment to express a need that was beyond their illicit pairings. It was a need for him to be in her life and he wasn't quite ready for the impact of that.

He paused as his gaze softened, trapped in her violet storm. His hands slid up her arms until his fingers could intertwine with hers. His forehead dipped forward until it was pressed against hers, their noses brushing up against one another. His eyes slid shut and he sighed.

"Haruka." He whispered as the roaring in his mind encompassed him. "What the fuck are you doing to me?" A pulsing desire to wrap her up in him and never let her go consumed his thoughts. It was way beyond sex now. He needed her. He needed to protect this flame that enlightened his very soul to new desires and meaning.

His sapphire gaze was revealed once more as she freed her hand, brushing her soft fingers against his face. Then she smiled, warm and enrapturing. "I'll always be here, if you want me to be."

He pushed himself up slightly so his eyes could roam her face in entirety. "I think-" He paused for just a moment, the unfamiliarity of all this catching him completely off guard. "I think I need you to be." He whispered, aching and almost shameful that he let it go this far. But what the fuck else did he have to live for? A powerless Kurosaki? Hueco Mundo? It all paled in comparison to her.

Her smile widened, warmth consuming her entirely as she lifted her head and caught his lips. Her kiss was filled with passion and desire and need. There was something else there, too. A spark of something drawn out from their companionship. It grew, mingling with the mounting lust. Her words pulled at him, drawing out that roaring desire and deafening all rational thought. "I'm all yours."

* * *

The air bit at her skin as the wind fluttered by. A myriad of leaves, colored in reds and oranges and browns, flew by; their origin being the forest on the outskirts. "I can't believe the leaves are turning already." She said to the air. "You would have loved autumn here, Kenji."

She sat for a bit longer, her legs dangling over the ledge and her hair dancing in the breeze. The sun was slowly setting below the horizon, brushing the buildings in orange hues. She closed her eyes, feeling the last bit of warmth the sun infused her with. Then she heard the almost silent steps of her Arrancar companion landing beside her.

"That was fast." She said with a smile.

"There wasn't a crowd." He returned, his voice mellow. "You talking to him again?"

Haruka's soft violet gaze shifted up to his, her expression mirroring her surprise. "How did you-"

"Tch. Still asking stupid questions." He nudged her gently in the leg with his foot.

Her expression grew more wary as she shifted her gaze out over the rooftops. "I know it seems stupid. He's dead and probably reincarnated down there somewhere by now…"

"Or maybe not." Grimmjow shrugged. "How would you really know either way?"

"I guess I don't." She said, her voice a little lighter.

They remained there for a while, quietly meditating until Grimmjow finally broke the silence. "Are you ready for tomorrow?"

She nodded. "Yea, I am."

"You really going to be able to kill them?" He asked skeptically.

"I'm hoping it doesn't have to come to that." She answered.

He glanced at her, tempted to chastise her for her naivety again, but stopped himself. "Just remember what I said."

"You won't have to get involved." She replied confidently.

He grunted in response before sitting down on the ledge beside her. He pressed his elbows into his knees, slouching slightly and allowing his eyes to roam over the sunset. "Do me a favor, Ruka."

She looked over to him expectantly.

"Tell Kenji that he doesn't have to worry about you anymore. Tell him that you're going to be just fine without him." He kept his view locked on the horizon as Haruka's head turned to face him.

She smiled at him. "I don't think I have to tell him that. I'm pretty sure he heard you."

"It sounds better coming from you." He insisted.

She hesitated before shifting her gaze to the sunset once more. "I'll be ok, Kenji. I will always value our time together, but it's time I move on to the next chapter, just like you already have." Silence followed as the sun finally set and the stars began dotting the sky above. "It's hard to see the stars with all these lights. Only the brightest ones are visible."

"Ruka…"

"Hm?" Her eyes remained fixed on the sky.

"You know I'm no good for you, right?" The doubt was clearly conveyed in his tone.

Her eyes moved down, roaming her Arrancar's serious face. Then she stifled a laugh, causing his seriousness to deteriorate into a full on scowl.

"What the hell is so funny?" He growled.

"I'm sorry. It's not funny. It's just- I never imagined you being self-conscious. It's kind of cute." She pointed out.

"I ain't fucking self-conscious!" He spat back.

"What makes you say you're no good for me then?" She questioned coyly as she leaned towards him.

He pulled back to gain some distance from her, hesitating.

"Well?" She drawled. "And don't say it's because you're a hollow and like to eat souls and kill all the weaklings that get in your way."

"Forget it." He grouched while standing.

"Grimmjow!" She grasped onto his wrist and pulled. "Don't clam up on me."

"I want to fucking eat. I'm starving and the food is getting cold." He argued.

"Ok, ok, we will eat, just answer one question." She urged playfully.

He rolled his eyes, but relented. "What?"

"Do you like me?"

"I don't answer stupid questions."

"Come on! Just answer it! Please?" She giggled like a child.

"Why?"

"Because I want to hear your answer!" She begged.

He sighed, resisting yet knowing what would happen if he didn't placate her. "I guess you're alright." He shrugged while moving down the fire escape and towards their apartment.

"Just alright!?" She exclaimed behind him, causing a grin to break out on his face that was hidden from her. "I at least said I liked you a lot."

"Come on, Ruka. I ain't reheating your food."

"You're so mean!"


	16. Chapter 16

/ _* Thank you all for the continued support. This chapter gave me some formatting issues and funky characters this week. I proofread two times and I think I got all the mistakes. That said, there could still be a few lingering that I missed so sorry about that. Hope you enjoy!*/_

* * *

The morning was cool, nipping against Haruka's exposed skin as they walked along the quiet streets of the outskirts. The trees rustled from the wind, their leaves fluttering through the air and painting the landscape in autumn's glory. She wished she could stop and stare and enjoy just being alive. She wished for simpler things that she was not privy to in that moment. But hopefully soon, if everything went accordingly, she could just stop and stare and drink in all this world had to offer her.

"It'll be alright, Ruka." Grimmjow had moved close to her, his warmth radiating against her. It wasn't what she had expected him to say, but perhaps even he knew that she was desperate for encouragement in that moment.

"I know." She affirmed. In the hours of the night she had revealed her plan she schemed up with Urahara to him. Part of her was afraid he would completely reject it and the rest of her was certain he would be absolutely furious over it. She was wrong. While he had expressed his hesitation, he also confirmed that he trusted she knew what she was doing. He trusted her.

Her fingers slid between his as they continued to move along. He glanced at her nervous form, figuring she just needed something to cling to in the moments prior to facing them.

Time seemed to always work against her. She longed for just a few minutes more to consume the scenery around her, but alas her eyes had set on two figures standing in the remains of the barn.

"Didn't think you were going to show." Satomi called out as they approached.

Haruka released Grimmjow's hand and pulled the key from her pocket. She said nothing as she pushed passed them and towards the entrance. Grimmjow kept himself back, watching the two siblings carefully.

"Not even a hello?" She continued to tease, eager to pull a response from her.

"You will be fighting only me." Haruka said sternly as the door opened to the familiar staircase. "Let's go." Both Satomi and Haru glanced at Grimmjow in surprise, but said nothing in response.

The four walked in unison down the stairs, their calm demeanors juxtaposing the severity of the situation. When their feet hit sand, they broke into groups of two. Haruka and Grimmjow moved left while Satomi and Haru went right. Finally, when they were a decent distance apart, they turned and faced one another. Grimmjow and Haruka both popped their soul candy, forcing themselves free of their gigais.

"Crey, Mimi, please stay back." Haruka said, her tone cold and dangerous.

"Please be careful, Akiyama-sama." Crey begged.

"Y-yes, Lady-sama." Mimi returned before sprinting away with Crey.

"I will." She responded as she unsheathed her zanpakuto. "Before we do this," she called out to her enemy, "I'm requesting to know what Aizen told you about what happened to Kenji."

"There was a pause, the silence filling Haruka with doubt. "Aizen didn't tell us anything." Haru remarked, causing Haruka's brow to furrow. "There was a witness that told us you killed him."

"A witness?"

"A low class Arrancar that was brought to Seireitei for questioning. He saw you murder Kenji." Satomi spat bitterly.

"I see." Haruka returned.

"Fucking idiots." Grimmjow snarled. Haruka could see the scorn that formed on their faces even from this distance. "Did that Arrancar tell you Kenji was a hollow?"

"Grimmjow." Haruka snapped.

"What do you mean he was a hollow?" Satomi bellowed.

"Aizen turned him into a hollow. Did you pay attention to anything that happened to your own brother?" Grimmjow continued to prod. "Or were you just looking for an excuse to kill her?"

"Grimmjow…" Haruka whispered harshly while desperate fingers tugged on his arm.

"You just thought he followed Aizen because that's what she did? You think he followed her and then she killed him?" A disbelieving laugh caused Haru's reiatsu to pulse. "Didn't you even think to ask?"

"Nobody else would have known except for me and they would never believe me." Haruka answered before they could. "Aizen turned him into a hollow and played it off like it was a disease. He recruited me to his 'mission of healing.' I joined because I thought it was noble and because I had to help Kenji. Because Soul Society was doing nothing to help. In the end, I couldn't save him so instead I freed him."

Silence consumed the training grounds, the only sensations being the pulse of powerful reiatsu. "It's still your fault." Haru declared.

"Oniisan." Satomi grasped her brother's arm in an attempt to halt him.

"Aizen would have never targeted him if it wasn't for you!" Haru shouted. "You're the reason he's dead!"

"That might be true." Haruka agreed. "But he never doubted me or my devotion to him during that time."

"Devotion!? You spit on his name, on our name, with the company you keep. You are pathetic and deserve to die."

"Haru!" Satomi attempted again.

Haru turned to her. "If you don't fight by my side, Satomi, then you are just as bad as she."

Satomi's face twisted painfully as she glanced across the desert sands. She pulled her zanpakuto free regretfully before whispering, "let the rivers bleed, Akai Tsuki."

"Bring to the light, Hōfuku!" Haru shouted.

"This will be the end of it." Haruka said as she watched the two approach, two giant balls of reiatsu attempting to consume her. Satomi's zanpakuto had turned blood red, the blade lengthened and widened before curving upward. Haru's was that familiar blazing white, echoing overwhelming bursts of energy.

"Don't hesitate." Grimmjow said firmly. "Regardless of what happens to them, Ruka, you know you've done all you can."

"Right." She held the hilt with both hands tightly, attempting to bury the shake. "Void, Dairokkan." In a flash of shunpo, she went left. "Raito o keshimasu!" She shouted as her attack collided with Satomi's vibrant red reiatsu. She pressed forward with all she could, knowing she didn't have much time before that monstrous glaring energy behind her would bear down on her back.

Satomi pushed back, her effort lacking motivation though it didn't need it. Haruka felt Haru's heated blade long before it could make contact with her skin. Her remaining senses were on overdrive, feeling out and contemplating her environment. She dodged Haru's incoming attack effortlessly, twisting her body so that she faced both of them. Her heels dug into the sandy surface as she slid back before charging forward once more.

She rushed them, swiping and slashing while simutaneously ducking and kicking. She only wished Haru's reiatsu wasn't so bright, but she relied on her other senses to detect him. The sharp scent of biting spices and sweat that lingered on his skin, the heat of his zanpakuto, and the sound of his body cutting through the air all painted a visual picture in her mind's eye enough for her to target him.

She slashed her zanpakuto down, connecting with the blinding metal that just narrowly protected his face. The impact of their two swords colliding created a pulse of wind that pushed Satomi back. Haruka used that brief moment to give it everything she had, "Raito o keshimasu!" She roared. Her zanpakuto exploded, a dark cloud filled with vibrant sparks crashed into Haru. His pained gasp was enough for her to know she struck flesh and gave her the confidence to switch targets.

She darted to the opposite side the moment Haru retreated back. Her battle cry echoed across the barren wasteland as her sword bore down upon Satomi. She grunted as she blocked the incoming attack, her sword screaming at the impact. "Go, Akai Tsuki." Satomi begged as her hold gave a little more. The horrendous screeching increased and then streams of crimson energy burst free of the sword, looking like thick threads flying through the air. They circled around, surrounding Haruka.

"Ruka! Behind you!" Grimmjow shouted. Haruko spun about, her sword slicing upward and severing the ties of energy. It was a fruitless attempt. Haruka felt as the threads sliced into her delicate flesh. She swallowed the cry of pain, opting instead to focus on finding an opening. She flared her reiatsu, hardening her defenses and freeing herself from the attack.

Grimmjow's fists clenched as he watched both sides retreat, heaving and breathless. If it wasn't for what she said last night, he'd be in there right now ripping the skulls from these two. But now he couldn't; not with what clogs had planned. Just where was the asshole, anyway?

"Ruka." He called out on an even tone, pulling her attention just enough. She raised her hand, a gesture asking him to be patient. Small droplets of blood fell from her palm, the sand absorbing the fluid hungrily.

Her hand shifted back, wrapping around the hilt of Dairokkan. "It's time for a shift in reality." She called out, electricity vibrating along her skin as her reiatsu pulsed. "Bankai! Dairokkan no rerumu!" The fog exploded from her zanpakuto, enveloping everything and causing all of them to disappear from his view.

Haruko shifted, letting herself be consumed by the veil. She watched her two enemies, the fog acting as her sight. Her breathing became a melodic sound in those few moments as she simply observed. Satomi was clearly exhausted, blood trickling down her arm and leg and soiling the ground. Haru was a ball of unfathomable chaos, his injury barely phasing him.

"Where are you!?" He shouted desperately. "Get out here and fight us!"

"Surrender and I won't have to do this to you." She offered.

"There will be no surrendering!" His voice was maniacal, a mixture of rage and insanity. "I will only surrender when your body is impaled on my blade!"

Haruka sighed. "As you wish." She pushed her hand outward so that the flat of her palm was parallel to the ground they stood on. Then she shifted it left and up, as if she were spinning a ball. The entire world shifted with her motion, sending the ground on it's side. Haru and Satomi fell until their bodies collided with a few large jutting boulders.

Haruka then revealed herself, walking on the now twisted ground as if it was at its normal orientation. As soon as Satomi's eyes met hers, fear deteriorated her features. "It's ok to give up, Satomi. I don't want to hurt either of you anymore." She urged.

"Shut up!" Haru interjected as Satomi stood quiet. "I will end you!" Haru's reiatsu pulsed, his entire body shaking with unconstrained energy. "Bankai! Hikari no Hōfuku!" In a blaze of burning energy, Haru's zanpakuto exploded. It engulfed the fog around him, altering and breaking apart Haruka's realm.

"Don't do this, Oniisan." Satomi urged, but it was too late. Haru charged, the light around him changing his form. Bright, electrified wings appeared from his back as he flew towards her. His eyes were pinned to the girl standing nonchalantly on the sideways ground, his sword aimed directly for her head.

A moment before he struck, she lifted her zanpakuto with a single hand. Then contact was made. The explosion of reiatsu forced Satomi to cover her face as the realm shook. Haruka could feel the weight of his sword attempting to counteract her magics. It burned away at her very core, but Dairokkan would not disintegrate so easily.

She lifted her clothed eyes to the screaming man. His desire for vengeance plagued him, falting him. "You can't beat me here." She said, her tone even and unconcerned. Then she vanished, allowing Haru to crash into the sands at an overwhelming velocity. His energy burned the very ground and created a large crater.

"Die!" He charged out of the crater, aiming for anything that moved. His energy only grew, disintegrating everything it touched.

"Oniisan, stop! You'll kill all of us." Satomi shouted. He didn't listen. All he could think to do was destroy everything Haruka was, no matter who was in his path.

Haruka appeared suddenly in front of him, crashing her zanpakuto against his. She felt the strain of his consuming reiatsu against Dairokkan as she pushed back. She attempted to manipulate the world around him, but everything she tried was just eroded instantly by him. She could feel she was losing her grip on her world, the fog vanishing little by little. Her skin felt like it was on fire, but so did his.

"Is this what he would have wanted? You're going to sacrifice all of our lives for his name?" She urged in an attempt for him to see reason.

"No, I'm just going to end your existence." He returned.

"I can't let you." She replied solemnly while flickering away. Behind her was Satomi with wide, frightened eyes as her brother came crashing into her. A cloud of dirt, smoke, and fog enveloped the area. Slowly, the chaos died.

"Satomi!" Haru shouted raggedly as his energy retreated, leaving his body in a burned and broken state. "Satomi, no! Where are you!?" Fear and regret tore at his throat.

"I'm here." She replied as she stood behind a bruised, burned Haruka. She had just managed to pull the girl away in time before her brother made contact. "And I'm surrendering."

Haru looked at the two women in complete and utter shock. "What are you saying!?" His ragged voice was feral and inhuman.

"I'm saying I'm done blaming her for something she's not responsible for. If anything we should be thanking her for freeing him from Aizen's torment. Not killing her." She admitted softly as the remnants of Haruka's fog finally ebbed away, revealing more than just a cross-armed Grimmjow.

"Traitor! You're just as bad as she is!" Haru bellowed.

Satomi's face twisted painfully as she looked away. "I believe that's enough now." Urahara's voice joined in the fray. Haruka looked over to him, pleased to see that there were others with him as well.

"Haru Hamasaki; Satomi Hamasaki- you are under arrest for illegal entry into the World of the Living, unauthorized release of your zanpakuto, and attempted murder. You are hereby ordered to return to Seireitei and face judgement." A short, white-haired shinigami wearing the traditional white haori of a captain announced.

"Hitsugaya-taicho…" Haru whispered painfully as Haruka stepped away from the two siblings.

Instantly, a group of masked men descended onto them, forcing them down. "Don't make this harder for yourselves." Another captain appeared beside Urahara, she with black hair and a bright yellow obi tied around her center.

"Soifon-taicho! I didn't think you were going to show!" Urahara said cheerfully as he waved his fan at her.

"I'm doing this as a favor to Yoruichi-sama and that's it." She responded coldly.

"Where is Yoruichi-sama? I was certain she'd come too." Urahara questioned while looking around wildly.

"Like I'd let her anywhere near you, pervert." Soifon countered.

Urahara laughed sheepishly, "Soifon-taicho! I would never think to insult someone as beautiful as Yoruichi-sama in such a way-"

Soifon's fist connected with the back of Urahara's head, sending him to the dirt in a groaning heap. "Pervert."

"Are you two finished?" Hitsugaya asked, an itch of irritation showing on his face.

"What about her!? She's just as guilty!" Haru exclaimed as he was dragged along.

Hitsugaya and Soifon turned to glance at Haruka and her Arrancar companion. "She assisted in apprehending you. Soul society has absolved her of her crimes." Soifon announced before pulling the fugitive along. Satomi gave one last longing glance back at her before allowing her captors to lead her away.

"Absolved?" Haruka whispered.

"Do come back and visit some time, Soifon-taicho!" Urahara called out eagerly.

Piss off." Soifon scoffed.

Haruka watched the two captains of the Gotei 13 completely disregard her and Grimmjow and leave up the steps of the training ground. Perfect shock had played across her features. "Didn't think they were going to just blatantly ignore us." Grimmjow grunted as he stretched out his tense limbs.

"I guess Urahara has more influence than I thought." Haruka admitted while staring after the leaving shinigami.

Grimmjow ran his sapphire gaze over her injured skin, a frown forming. "You should heal your wounds."

She jumped out of her revere, her eyes shifting to the various burns and cuts deforming the intricate tattoos along her skin. "Yeah." She hummed quietly. He watched as she ran a cool hand of kido over the various injuries, fighting the urge to run his hands over the new skin. "Thank you for letting me finish this." She said after the last of her skin knitted together.

"It would have been a waste of my time. They obviously ain't that good if you were able to take both of them on at the same time." He shrugged.

A small smile broke across her face, not falling for his attempted provocation. "It helps that Satomi really didn't want this either." Her expression saddened, the thought evoking guilt.

Grimmjow gently grasped her chin, lifting her eyes to his. "They dug their own grave."

"I just wish-"

"Ruka, there ain't no point in wishing and regretting. You can't change the past. Ain't you the one always going on about how our pasts don't define us? It doesn't define them either. Their lives are on them, not you." He said firmly.

Haruka nodded, though her furrowed brow still revealed her doubt. "I know you're right."

"I'm always right." He replied smugly while moving towards Urahara.

"Uh-huh." She followed him, settling in beside him as they reached the sneaky shopkeeper. "Thank you for the help, Urahara-san."

Urahara sat on the steps while rubbing the back of his head. "No problem, Akiyama-san. Glad it all went according to plan."

"What will happen to them?" She asked.

"It depends on their cooperation, I suppose. It's likely Satomi won't get much time, but as for Haru…"

"It felt like he was just insane in there." Haruka mentioned painfully as her eyes shifted to the ground.

"Yes, well hopefully with time, his wounds will heal." Urahara affirmed. As Haruka's eyes were still set to the ground, Grimmjow made a sign to Urahara. "Ah, Akiyama-san? I sent your gigais out to hide so they wouldn't be seen." He chuckled awkwardly. "Those specific types of gigai are vehemently opposed by Seireitei; something about interrupting the balance. Anyway, could you go see if you can find them? I would hate to lose such quality specimens."

"You sent Mimi and Crey out there to hide?" Haruka gasped. "Urahara! What were you thinking!?" She rushed up the stairs and out to find the missing gigais.

"You wanted to talk?" Urahara's voice went solemn as Grimmjow approached.

"I need a garganta back to Hueco Mundo, preferably tonight." He ordered.

Urahara's brow lifted in surprise. "Leaving so soon?"

"I ain't stupid, Clogs. I saw Kurosaki. He ain't anymore improved than when I got here, right? You can't fix him." Grimmjow stated matter-of-factly.

"I never suggested you were stupid. I have been trying to find a solution to Kurosaki-san's current problem, but alas, I have not been successful." He replied grimmly. "I honestly thought you'd have another reason for staying."

Grimmjow clenched his jaw harshly. "I have a more important reason for leaving." He ground out. "But I also have a decent one for coming back."

Urahara's crooked grin made Grimmjow sneer, "I see. Well I can provide a garganta to Hueco Mundo, but you will have to give me some sort of timeline for when you wish to return so I can have one ready for you."

"Let me think about it. I'll let you know on my way out." Grimmjow waved as he moved up the stairs.

"I hope you plan on telling her, Grimmjow-san. That poor girl has had her heart broken too many times already."

"Don't worry about it, Clogs." He spouted just before getting out of hearing distance.


	17. Chapter 17

_/* Hello all! I have a note at the end of this chapter, but wanted to make sure I put a **warning** here as **this chapter contains a lemon.** Enjoy! */_

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"Crey! Mimi! Get out here!" Haruka's shouts echoed across the empty fields. "This isn't a game!"

Uncontrollable giggling burst out from the other side of a large oak tree. "I heard that!" Haruka sprinted towards the tree, causing the two gigais to flee in a fit of laughter.

"You can't catch us, Lady-sama!" Mimi teased as she tripped over Crey. "Get out of my way, dumby!"

"You watch where you're going!" Crey shouted back.

"Gotcha!" Haruka exclaimed as she grabbed both of them by the ears.

"Ouch, ouch, please let go-" Mimi flailed.

"I'm so sorry, Akiyama-sama!" Tears poured from Crey's eyes as Haruka dragged the two of them back towards the barn. As she approached the run down building, Grimmjow finally appeared.

"There you are." Haruka sighed as she released the two blubbering gigais to the ground. "Ready to go home?"

He glanced at her, his face melancholy. His hands were stuffed in his pockets and his posture rigid as he moved idly passed her. "Yeah."

Both gigais stopped as Haruka watched him move on without her. "Hey, wait!" She called out while taking off towards him. "Your gigai."

He paused and waited, pulling his dispenser from his pocket and wordlessly signaling Crey over to him. Haruka mimicked his actions and soon both of them were back in their human forms.

Grimmjow didn't wait as he started the walk back towards the apartment. "Hey, what's the rush?" Haruka jogged to catch up, settling in beside him. "Grimmjow, what's wrong?"

He didn't look at her, couldn't look at her. He was never one to hesitate to say what was on his mind, but this was going to hurt her. He knew it would hurt her. Her whisper still lingered in the back of his mind, " _I need you."_ But he had no other choice in this. If he was really going to consider this crazy ass idea, then he had to make sure he took care of _all_ loose ends.

"Grimmjow?" She attempted again, her eyes pinned to his face. Lines of worry marred her features, creating a veil of desolation.

"We'll talk when we get home." He stated. " _Home…"_ Why did he call it home?

"Ok." She nodded before shifting her gaze forward, silently moving alongside him.

He slowed as they arrived at the apartment steps, delaying the inevitable conversation. Haruka pulled ahead of him, reaching the door and pressing the key into the lock. When the door was finally open, she turned and waited. His stomach churned with apprehension as he reached the top step. He walked passed her and into the kitchen, collapsing on one of the chairs.

"What's going on?" She asked immediately.

His gaze focused out the window and on the few hazy clouds lingering in the hours of daylight left. "I'm going back to Hueco Mundo."

There was a shocked inhale of breath before a pained demand. "What? Why? When?"

"Tonight."

"Tonight!?" She rushed over to him, filling his view with striking violet eyes and midnight hair. "Tonight?" She asked again as if she didn't hear it right the first time.

"Yea, tonight." He said firmly as his sapphire stare trailed over her.

"But-" She stopped while taking a step back, her heart aching painfully in her chest. "I thought-"

Grimmjow stood up and approached her. "Listen, Ruka. I have to figure out what the hell I want out of life. Aizen may have been a dick, but he gave me some of my humanity back. I have to figure out what the hell I'm doing with it. You're right in that it's not all about kill or be killed anymore. There's more to it than that."

She looked up at him, her eyes looking glassy as she nodded. "I understand."

He reached for her then, cupping her cheek. "I think I know the answer, but even if what I want is true, I still have shit to clean up in Hueco Mundo."

"Well what if I went with you? I could help you. I have my Bankai now. I can-"

"No." He said firmly.

"But, Grimmjow!"

"I can't...I can't have you there with me." He said quietly, troubled. "It's not a place you should go back to."

"I can protect myself. I'm strong enough!" She urged.

"I know." He replied roughly, his voice haggard. "I just need someone to come back to. I need to know that it's the right choice and I can't do that with you beside me."

She backed away from him, hurt and betrayal twisting her pretty face. She attempted to hold back the tears that were overwhelming her. "What if something happens to you? What if you need help?" She continued to plead.

"Tch, I practically own Hueco Mundo. Nothing is going to happen to me." He scoffed. "Even so, I'm giving clogs a six month time frame. He'll open up a garganta six months from now and if I'm not back, forget about me."

"No. No, I won't let you do this." She argued.

"I ain't giving you a choice." He shot back.

"Fuck you! I make my own goddamn choices!" She roared.

"You're not going, Ruka." His voice remained calm and cool, attempting to bring her down from her despair-filled rant. "I won't let you and neither will clogs."

She couldn't believe what she was hearing. After everything they had gone through together, he was just leaving her behind. "Why don't you trust me?" Her voice calmed, leaving behind a shaky sadness, as she finally started accepting she had no say in this matter.

"Why are you still asking stupid questions?" His voice was equally sullen as he approached her once more. Both hands slid into her hair as his forehead pressed against hers. "You know you're the only damn person I trust. Your the only one I've ever trusted. Now I need you to trust me."

"I do trust you." She replied as she slid her hands to the back of his neck.

"Then trust me to come back, Ruka. I need you to be the reason I want to come back." He whispered urgently.

A few more stray tears escaped as her eyes slid shut. She nodded slightly, their noses brushing against one another before he closed the gap. Her lips were soft and pliant, eager for his attention. His hands moved to her back, pulling her flush against him as the kiss deepened, desperate and wanton. He slid his hands down to the backs of her thighs, squeezing and lifting until her legs were entwined around his waist. His feet moved automatically to the quiet sanctuary of her bedroom, muffled groans filtering out from their joined lips.

As soon as the door was shut, he released her legs. Their tongues continued to battle as desperate fingers ripped clothing free. Her hands ran along the chiseled muscle of his chest as it was revealed. Soft caresses moved further down, across his stomach and to the belt of his pants. It fueled the fire burning inside him, feeding that roar in the back of his mind. She tugged at the offending clothing until they were falling around his ankles. Her fingers traced the lines on his hips, following them down until her delicate touch enclosed around his searing heat.

A strangled groan broke from the back of his throat as he furiously tore the rest of her clothing free. "Kitten…" He broke free from her lips, grazing his teeth along her jaw, down her neck and stopping to lavish her shoulder. He pressed himself into her, forcing her to back up until the backs of her knees met with the bed and she was falling into the soft mattress. He eagerly followed, pinning her under solid muscle and searing heat.

She clung to him, her arms firmly wrapped around his neck as their lips met once more. The normal lust-filled fury and desperation was missing, replaced with slow sensual passion and longing. Tongues danced and fingers entwined as he lined himself with her entrance. His movements were slow, gently allowing her to accommodate him. His usual carefree rough nature was absent and she would have spent more time dwelling on why if she wasn't so enthralled by the sensations he was evoking in those moments.

His hips pressed forward until they were flush. A long drawn out moan broke from between their lips as her legs wrapped around his waist and heels dug into the small of his back. He pinned her hands on either side of her head as he pushed himself up for better leverage. His eyes roamed every inch of her skin, reveling in her writhing, desperate movements. He dipped his head to catch one of the hardened buds of her bouncing breasts, sucking on it hard before teasing it with his tongue. Needy cries broke from the back of her throat, testing his control. He had wanted this slow. He wanted it to be something different. He wanted it something worth remembering. He wanted to be worth remembering.

Her head tilted back and her mouth fell open; her lewd cries and moans filling the silence as he slid in and out of her. "Grimmjow...please don't stop." She begged as he thrust into her harder, building up that heat that simmered at the apex of her thighs.

A low appreciative growl came from the back of his throat and mingled with her pleas. His control slipped further. He released her hands and pushed himself up on his haunches, dragging her hips with him as he angled himself. His thrusts came harder and faster, more controlled with his new position. Haruka's hands fisted into the sheets as her passionate cries tore from her throat. Each thrust pushed deep into her sex, creating endless friction and heat.

"You're all fucking mine." he snarled, his voice ragged and almost feral now. A sheen of sweat glistened across his skin as he continued his furious pace.

"Y-yes," she cried out.

"Say it!" He demanded, groans beginning to distort his words.

"I'm all yours." She moaned. "I'm all fucking yours."

"Fuck, Haruka!" He collapsed forward, holding himself up on his elbows as he continued his brutal pace. He could feel her body beginning to tighten, like a spring wound too tight. He dipped his head to her neck, nuzzling against her ear. "Come for me, baby."

His low, longing demand broke her. She screamed as her hips arched and legs convulsed and constricted. All her muscles tightened in unison as she clung to him, her hands finding his hair and her nails digging into his scalp. The pulsing walls of her sex dragged him with her, a stuttered groan slipping from his throat as he came in short bursts.

As the remnants of electricity ebbed away, he sighed. He slid his arms under her, wrapping around her until they were flush with one another. A small, contented smile broke on her lips as she caressed the back of his neck and down his shoulders. She swore she felt him shudder at the contact, though he would never admit it.

"You better come back." She said as he brushed his lips against her neck, content with just remaining enveloped by her warmth for just a few minutes longer.

"I have to come back. I'll miss fucking you too much." He joked and she scoffed.

"That's not all I'm good for." She pouted.

"Relax, Kitten." He slid his tongue against the nape of her neck, feeling the shiver rip through her body and reveling in it.

"Grimmjow…"

"What?" He murmured contently.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner that you were planning on going back?" That familiar ache reappeared in her voice.

He pushed himself up to catch her timid gaze. "I needed to make sure you'd be alright without me first." He answered.

Her face deteriorated into a frown, her eyes drawn into a glare. "I was always _fine_ without you." She refuted.

"Sure you were, Kitten. I'm sure you would have been perfectly ok while being held captive by that asshole human or sliced up by that asshole shinigami or-"

"Ok, fine! I get it." She grumbled while pushing him to the side of her. He grinned in response.

"I guess I better make sure clogs watches over you while I'm gone so you don't get yourself into more trouble." He teased, running idle fingers along the bare skin of her side.

"Gee, just how did I manage to survive the eight months before you got here?" She asked sarcastically.

"No idea, Kitten." He leaned forward again, his lips finding a pleasing spot near her ear to lavish.

"So you didn't really stick around for Ichigo?" Her cautious question caused him to chuckle.

"I stuck around for that, too, but I figured out clogs was full of shit a while back."

"And here I was worried you were going to go try and kill him for lying to you." She rolled her eyes dramatically.

"You worry too much."

Silence followed, the only sounds being the hushed echo of lips against skin as Grimmjow continued to relish in the last few hours he had with his shinigami. Her arms slid up and around his neck as she pulled herself up against him yet again. Her face nuzzled into his neck and she sighed. "I'm going to miss you."

He adjusted his arms to hold her against him, his lips running across her shoulder. "Good."

* * *

"There you are! I was beginning to wonder if you changed your mind." Urahara said playfully. Behind him was a large, overwhelming portal to Hueco Mundo. "Ah, Akiyama-san, I wasn't expecting you."

"Why not?" She asked, attempting to keep the bitterness out of her voice.

"Well-"

"Ruka, I want to talk to you a second." Grimmjow cut in, allowing Urahara the opportunity to move to the garganta to finish his preparations. His shifted himself in front of her, blocking her view of the overwhelming structure that evoked horrendous memories.

"Please, come back." Her eyes were like giant purple saucers, pleading with him as the reality of the situation started settling in. She was going to be alone, again. "I know it's completely different than what you are used to, that it's filled with stinky humans, and that your days are going to be uneventful and boring-"

"Haruka-"

"But I want you to come back." Her voice was borderline desperate before she averted her eyes to the ground. "I want you to come back."

He moved in one quick motion, sliding his lips down to meet hers in one last passionate display. She clung to him, trying hard to let him go. "Don't do anything stupid without me." He teased as he broke from the kiss.

A broken laugh escaped from the back of her throat, distorted by the sobs she was holding in. She released him, nodding her head and taking a step back. He lifted his hand and caressed her cheek on last time before turning and walking slowly towards Urahara.

Haruka watched as he took out his soul candy, swallowed the sweet round morsel, and was forced from his gigai. Crey stuffed the dispenser back into a side pocket and then took his place next to Urahara. His over exaggerated weeping was excessive enough for Haruka to notice. She smiled as Grimmjow patted Crey on the head, one last goodbye before giving a single wave to Urahara and disappearing into the black nothingness of the garganta.

The portal dissipated little by little, small squares filling up the space. His face was turned slightly, his narrowed gaze focused solely on her as the World of the Living vanished from his view.

Silence. An eerie, aching silence was all that remained for several minutes following. She stood there, one shaky fist wrapped around the opposite forearm. Soon, clattering footsteps against the sandy ground broke that silence. Her eyes remained focused ahead of her, on the last place she saw his face.

"I've found a new job for you; one that I think you'll enjoy." He stood next to her, his eyes cast in the same direction as her.

"Firing me already?" She asked playfully.

"Nonsense, Akiyama-san. There are just better opportunities out there for you. That and I have Crey and Tessai to help around the shop while I make deliveries."

Her gaze slid to the gigai who stood awkwardly off to the side. Haruka smiled sadly at him before nodding. At the very least, his mannerisms were nothing like Grimmjow's. It really did feel like she was looking at a completely different person. It wasn't him. It wasn't Grimmjow she was staring at.

"When's my interview?" She broke her stare while blinking away a few rogue tears.

"Tomorrow morning at eight. I'll meet you out front at around seven thirty?" Urahara turned to face her.

"Sure. Thanks, Urahara-san."

"Anytime, Akiyama-san." He turned and began making his way towards the exit before stopping suddenly and turning his head. "He's doing this for you, you know."

"I know."

* * *

The drive back felt foreign, empty. She felt almost lost. How did she manage to grow so comfortable around him to the point he was a necessity in her daily routine? After parking her car, she moved automatically along the sidewalk and to the corner store. She greeted the clerk, grabbed three bento boxes and then paid. The bag shuffled against her feet as she walked back to the apartment. The moment she entered, she kicked off her shoes and moved to the kitchen. Her keys collided with the counter, resulting in a resounding clang. The boxes of food soon followed. Then she just froze.

All around the apartment, she could feel it. Small hums of his reishi lingered, hovering on her couch, bed, and chairs. She could still feel him. She closed her eyes, picturing him lazily stretched on the couch with his eyes set on the TV. It only amplified the feeling of loneliness. A broken sob sliced through the silence as she collapsed on a nearby chair, her head falling into her arms.

" _Trust me to come back, Ruka."_ His voice echoed in the back of her mind, causing her to lift her head. "What are you doing, Haruka?" She spat out angrily while wiping away tears. She pushed herself to a stand and moved back towards the counter. The bag rustled as she pulled a box free and moved towards the couch. She landed with a thud, the box resting comfortably on her lap. The hard plastic of the remote felt cool to the touch as she pressed the 'on' button. Instantly, the image of a gloved fist colliding with another's face appeared.

"How did you not block that?" She shouted at the TV before taking a huge bite out of her rice ball. Another punch landed, "come on!"

She continued to watch the match; and the one after that; and the one after that. All the while, stuffing her face with food and attempting to drive away the loneliness and worry.

" _I told you he would leave you."_ That familiar pessimistic voice invaded her thoughts.

"He's coming back, Dairokkan." She responded confidently.

" _You trust him too much."_

"One day, you'll learn to trust again, Dairokkan." She said sadly. "I know I'm the reason you've grown so dark. You've been locked away for years, unable to communicate, watching my life in the background and not being able to do anything to stop what was happening. I know you're afraid it's going to happen again."

" _Afraid!?"_ She scoffed. " _You mistake me, Haruka. I was never afraid; not then and not now."_

"Yes you are. You're angry, untrusting, sad, and afraid." She continued. "I know because I feel it. I feel you. I feel everything you are. And it's all because of me."

" _You are wrong."_

"It's ok, Dairokkan. Everything will be ok. I'm not going to let anyone hurt you like that again. I won't betray you ever again." She whispered.

Silence followed for several long moments before her zanpakuto spoke again, " _We shall see."_

* * *

She arrived at the shop around seven thirty the next morning, secretly glad to have something else to focus her attention on. After parking her car, she waited out front. It was quiet, the only sound being the gentle breeze picking up dust and fluttering papers. Haruka simply waited.

The loud crash of the sliding door had her turning. He breath caught at first, seeing the image of her Arrancar lover standing in the doorway with his unruly pale blue locks fluttering in the breeze. Then his sapphire gaze shifted to her and his entire face deteriorated into a sob. "You definitely aren't Grimmjow." She smiled while approaching him.

"Akiyama-sama! Why did he leave me!?" Crey sputtered out the question around broken cries.

"It'll be ok Crey." She reassured while hugging him. "It'll be ok."

"Good morning, Akiyama-san." Urahara greeted as he exited the shop behind Crey.

"Good morning." She replied.

"Are you ready to go?" He asked cheerfully as he pulled his fan free.

"Are you going to tell me where we are going?" She asked skeptically.

"Nope!" He declared while grabbing her wrist. "This way."

"Urahara, wait!" She attempted to pull free, but damn if that shopkeeper didn't work out in his spare time. He was as strong as Grimmjow despite his scrawny appearance.

"It's a surprise!"

Haruka's expression was more than just skeptical now, it was down right terrified. "Now you are scaring me."

Urahara released a hearty laugh while he continued to drag her along until they finally reached a familiar locale. "The Kurosaki Clinic?" she questioned as she now moved willingly towards the home of Ichigo Kurosaki.

"Yes! Isshin is in need of some help running the place." He hummed.

"Isshin?"

"Isshin Kurosaki. Ichigo's father." Urahara said nonchalantly as he entered the clinic.

"Urahara." A deep, threatening voice stated upon entry. A towering man with dark hair and a white doctor's coat stood with his back to them. Haruka paused at the door, cautiously observing her surroundings.

"Ah, Kurosaki-san! Good to see you again. I've brought the person I spoke to you about. This is Haruka Akiyama, a nurse from Ryuken Ishida's hospital." Urahara announced.

The man turned slowly, his scrutinizing gaze set in a glare and his lips downturned into a frown. "Ryuken Ishida is my sworn enemy." He said, his tone low and dangerous. "And you have no idea how great it's going to be to rub this in his face!" Suddenly the man's expression changed as he leaped towards her. His lips were pulled back into an ecstatic grin and a crazed laugh had started echoing across the room.

Haruka shrieked as the man wrapped her up into a hug. "Welcome to the Kurosaki clinic, Haruka-chan!" He bellowed happily. Urahara's coy little smirk had her blood boiling, but alas she was trapped in the iron vice that was Isshin Kurosaki's embrace.

"You are nothing like your son." Her statement came out on a strangled exhale.

Isshin immediately released her. "Ah you know Ichigo! He's been down in the dumps lately. Maybe you could talk to him for me! He doesn't listen to his poor old man. Just when did my kids grow up so fast!?" Tears exploded from Isshin's eyes as he woefully swayed back in forth.

"Uh, Urahara-san?"

"Yes, Akiyama-san?"

"I don't suppose I can decline this job offer?"

"No, I'm afraid not."

"Right."

Suddenly Isshin was standing once more, his face delighted and within two inches of Haruka's. "My daughters are just going to adore you! I can't wait for you to meet them." He grabbed Haruka's wrist and pulled her inside further. "They are at school right now, but they will be home this afternoon. Urahara-san, shoo. I've got to train my new employee."

Urahara chuckled as he waved his fan. "See you soon."

"Urahara!" Haruka pleaded as she was pulled along by a rambling Isshin.

"Bye bye, Akiyama-san!" He shouted smugly.

"URAHARA!"

~END~

* * *

 _/* Ok, so I know this may have ended pretty abruptly (maybe too abruptly) and I'm sorry about that. I do have an epilogue started and plan on expanding this into a sequel which I didn't originally plan on but sometimes these things write themselves. So stick around for the epilogue, I should have it out next week. As for the sequel, I will probably take some time to write it to near completion like I did with this one before posting anything. I would have combined the two into one, but I don't even have the plot fully developed in my head yet let alone anything written for it which would result in ridiculously long breaks between updates (and I would hate to do that to you all). Anyway, hope you all enjoyed this. It turned into something a bit more than I intended, but I'm happy with it regardless. Thanks for all the favorites, follows and reviews! */_


	18. Epilogue

_/*Sorry this took so long to post! I moved out of my house this week so things are crazy right now. I'll probably start working on a sequel soon, but won't be posting anything for awhile. I wrote a couple shorts that branch off of this that I will post in between. Thanks for reading and hope you all enjoyed! */_

* * *

 _*BEEP*BEEP*BEEP*_ Haruka slapped the obnoxious alarm on her bed stand. The bright red numbers read '23:30'. It wasn't like she actually needed the alarm. She had ended up lying on her back, staring at the ceiling and counting the eight-no nine now- nine imperfections there repeatedly. How could she sleep on a day like today?

She managed to push herself up, her lavender comforter falling from her chest and down to her lap as she went. Her body moved automatically, her legs sliding over the side of the bed and her feet planting on the cool wooden floor.

Six months. It had been six months. His reishi had faded long ago, along with the familiar scent, that cool male musk mixed with a spring rain. She had been beyond excited for this day, but also terrified. What if he didn't come back? What if she sat there in Urahara's basement for endless hours staring at a black hole that would forever be void?

"I'd just start over again." She said to herself, answering her own assaulting thoughts. She would not depend on him for her happiness. She couldn't. She had made that mistake too many times in the past and couldn't any longer.

She found some joy in her new routine. As crazy and overbearing as Isshin was, she had fallen in love with her work again. She was becoming close with the Kurosaki girls and even had a few meaningful conversations with Ichigo every now and again. She looked forward to her days and to her future. It did not, however, erase the aching hole inside. It merely dulled the pain. But if anything, she had learned how to heal from tragedies, from loss. The pain never really went away, she just learned how to cope with it.

In her rambling thoughts, she found herself automatically moving to the dresser, changing out of her night clothes just as the moon started peeking into her window and filling her room with a vibrant white glow. She moved to the kitchen, preparing a large canister of coffee and grabbing a snack before leaving the deadly quiet apartment.

The air was still bitter in the early Spring months. It bit at her exposed skin as she moved to the shelter of her car. The steam from her coffee curled out as she opened the top, taking a small scalding sip before starting her car and driving to that little shop buried in the middle of Karakura Town.

The wind had picked up, attacking her violet locks that attempted to stay buried under her knitted hat as she exited her car. She walked quickly, opening the unlocked shop door and closing it quickly behind her with a thud. She stood for a few brutal moments, listening to the wind's assault before tracing her familiar route to the basement.

She did her best to bury her excitement as the beginnings of the large garganta was revealed to her. The moment her feet touched sand, her closest confident in the World of the Living turned. "Good morning, Akiyama-san." He smirked before lifting a watch up to read the ticking hands, verifying that it was indeed morning of a new day.

"Good morning, Urahara-san." She returned while approaching him.

"Akiyama-sama! I'm so happy you're here! This is a happy day!" Crey cheeredl.

"I hope so, Crey." Haruka nodded. "Good morning, Tessai." She waved to Urahara's quiet partner in crime who was sitting cross legged on the opposite side of the garganta and chanting incoherently. "I see he's concentrating hard." She smirked as she was blatantly ignored.

"It's a lot of work creating one of these things." Urahara confirmed. "And if we are going to keep it open for the next twenty-four hours, we are going to need a lot of concentration."

"Yea, well let's hope it doesn't take that long." She mentioned. "Do you need me to do anything?"

"Not at the moment, but don't wander too far. You do have interesting skills that I may need use of." He responded nonchalantly.

"I didn't plan on it." She said as she started walking away from the garganta, looking for a cozy spot to settle for the next several hours. She found a nice flat rock that had a view of the entire ritual. She sat, settling her giant mug of coffee down next to her while shedding her winter clothing piece by piece.

Her gaze settled on that giant swirling portal lingering in the air. She watched each jostling movement, hoping it was a sign of someone coming through, but then hours passed and it became nothing more than a pattern of contortions that she could predict effortlessly. Each moment that passed added to the mounting apprehension that something was very wrong.

"Hey." The familiar mellow tone pulled her attention just enough for her to recognize who had taken a seat beside her. "I brought some breakfast. I figured you'd rush over here without eating."

"What are you doing here?" Her gaze was still fixed on the swirling black mass, unable to stop following the mesmerizing patterns.

"Dad said you took off today. I figured this was why." He said, his tone even and slightly apologetic.

"I should have never told you."

"Why? You think he's going to be pissed at you?"

That finally shattered her concentration. She deadpanned over to his dumbfounded face and bright orange hair. "Ichigo… we're talking about Grimmjow."

His face twitched with irritation. "Yea, so? If he cares about you like you said then he won't give a damn if I'm here or not."

"He's going to take one look at you and rip your damn head off. Then he's going to get mad at me for telling you about us."

"Seriously, why would he be mad about something like that?" He sputtered out while leaning back, his eyes rising to the blue sky above that was eerily shadowed by the massive garganta.

"Because he doesn't like you." She responded pointedly before grabbing some of the food he brought.

"Tch, what a lame excuse."

"And he's jealous of you."

"What!? Grimmjow jealous of me? You're kidding me, right?" He nearly laughed, but managed to hold back.

"Is it really so hard to believe?" Her voice was soft and sad, remembering her lover's painful declaration as if he had just shouted it to the world, " _I ain't worth anyone's fucking time."_

"Well...yeah! Why the hell would he be jealous of me?"

"I'm not answering that. Forget I said anything." Haruka snapped before she stood up and began walking towards the menacing obstruction. "Thanks for breakfast."

"Haruka!" Ichigo attempted, but paused as he watched her slumped form move towards Urahara. She looked so...hopeless. She must had been really worried. " _Why the hell would she be so worried about an ass like him anyway?"_ He thought before settling back down on the rock. He wouldn't invade her space, but he sure as hell wasn't going to leave without seeing this through. He had gone straight to Urahara upon finding out she had housed Grimmjow for nearly three months. She had not been forthcoming with any information since he stumbled on this discovery, so he was determined to hear about it from Urahara instead. That didn't work out much to his benefit, either, but at least he had mentioned Grimmjow's return.

"Urahara-san…" She was trying hard to hide the utter disappointment and worry in her voice, but it was almost impossible.

Urahara offered a sympathetic expression while pressing his hand into her shoulder. "Don't give up hope yet. We've still got a while to go."

She nodded, though remained unconvinced, as he turned away from her to continue monitoring the situation. She wasn't sure why she thought Grimmjow would be there, waiting for the garganta to open up into her world. " _Trust me to come back, Ruka."_ His words sat at the back of her mind like a nagging sensation, refusing to quit.

"What if something happened to him?" She asked, drawing his attention once more.

"We have no way of knowing." He responded.

"Maybe I should-"

"No." His voice cut through her, freezing her in place. It was absolute and there were only a handful of times she had ever heard him so stern. She chose not to test his patience and instead realigned her gaze above.

" _Where are you?"_

More hours ticked by, long and excruciating. She felt like a cat itching to escape out the open door, but with her watchful owner's strict eye on her. The thoughts were consuming her and it took everything she had to stay rational. " _If you go through there, there is a good chance you won't make it. Not only that, but there is a good chance you'll be trapped there...in that hell…"_ She told herself. " _But what if he needs help? What if something happened to him?"_

" _Or what if he just changed his mind about you?"_ A familiar pessimistic voice invaded her chaos.

" _Dairokkan… As cheery as ever."_ She rolled her eyes discreetly.

" _And you are as reckless as ever. How could you even consider going back to Hueco Mundo?"_

Haruka's gaze fell to the ground, her thoughts swirling around her motivation. " _Because I trust him. And if he really isn't coming back, then it's because something went wrong. I have to find out what."_

" _You'd leave everything you have now behind for him? You'd sacrifice your entire life for him?_ " She spat out bitterly. " _Why?"_

Haruka sighed. " _I guess I'm just a creature of habit."_ She answered with a bit of humor.

She moved carefully towards the portal, attempting not to draw too much attention to herself. She slipped her hand into her pocket, feeling the dispenser there and wrapping sweaty fingers around it. She clung to it tightly, like it was her lifeline.

" _I do not approve."_ Dairokkan attempted one last time.

" _I know."_

The round morsel was sweet, with just a hint of tang as it landed in the back of her throat. "Akiyama-san!" Urahara was the first to notice her reckless attempt as she was expelled from her gigai.

"Haruka?" Ichigo stood, confusion maring his features as he watched her sprint towards the portal.

She could sense Urahara preparing to use shunpo in the way his energy collected at his feet. She would only have a split second to get this right. She could feel it. The weight of the garganta bearing down on her as it prepared to swallow her whole. She pushed aside any last fears and then-

It shifted.

She dug her heels in, her eyes as wide as saucers as they locked onto the jagged movement. Urahara, Ichigo, and Crey all paused in their hurried panic as well. Tessai hadn't moved from his spot.

It shifted again, pulsating grotescally before expelling an object from its depths. The person fell, landing several meters from their location. Haruka's heart dropped as her eyes desperately roamed the shadowed figure. There was one thing she knew for certain, however. It was not Grimmjow.

Faster than she anticipated, the newcomer whipped passed her, a mere blur through the air. She turned quickly while unsheathing Dairokkan. "Hey, stop!" She shouted. Horrified, she realized who was its target. "Ichigo! Watch out!"

Ichigo was shocked as he watched the figure bear down on him. "Wh-"

"Ichigo!" A light cheery voice echoed across the training grounds as the figure collided with Ichigo, squeezing hard. "I waited forever for you to come out of the giant black hole in the sky just like last time, but you never came so I jumped in and-" A woman with bright green hair that fell to her waist had Ichigo's face buried between her breasts while rambling.

Haruka quirked her brow in irritation. "Excuse me!" She said loudly as she approached the two.

"-I knew I'd find you here, Ichigo! I'm so happy to see you!" The woman ignored her and continued her attempt at suffocating Ichigo.

"Excuse me!" She attempted again, an added irritation forming as she, once again, was not acknowledged. "Hey!" Haruka went to grab the woman by the arm but stopped short as a pair of green eyes turned and locked onto her. It wasn't her eyes that froze Haruka in place, however. It was that mask. "Arrancar." It came out as a strangled whisper.

This caused her to pause in her exuberant ravings. The unfamiliar Arrancar dropped Ichigo, who was now barely conscious, and stood facing Haruka. She was significantly taller than her, radiant elegance pouring from her stance. She shifted closer, tilting down to where Haruka's neck met her shoulder and then inhaled sharply. "You smell like him."

Haruka jerked back, creating substantial distance. "What did you just say?"

"You smell like him. What have you done with my Grimm-grimm?" She accused. Her tone conveyed a simple arrogance that was only diminished by the childish pet name.

A scowl broke out on the ex-shinigami's face at the mere suggestion. "Who the fuck are you? I don't remember you being one of Aizen's Espada."

Suddenly a strained gasp interrupted the two glaring women as Ichigo finally pushed himself to a stand. "Nel!" He managed to ground out hoarsely. "Nel, this is Haruka. She's a friend of Grimmjow's." He explained.

Nel smirked. "Oh, just friends?" She remarked coyly.

"Haruka, this is Nel. She was one of Aizen's Espada before getting cast out by Nnoitra." He explained as his voice continued to return.

"Nnoitra." Haruka spat the word out as just the thought of that _beast_ evoked a bad taste in her mouth. "Still doesn't explain why she's here instead of Grimmjow."

Nel pressed a single finger on her bottom lip as her brow quirked up. "So this is where he ran off to." She mused while looking around. "And you were waiting for him to come back."

"Have you see him?" The defensive sharpness had left her tone as a slight pang of hope came to life.

"I did. Six months ago." She answered, effectively snuffing out whatever hope Haruka had left.

"I'm going after him." She declared as she stormed back towards the garganta.

"Haruka, wait! It's too dangerous to wander around Hueco Mundo alone!" Ichigo shouted.

It was then an exhausted Urahara finally joined the conversation, stepping in front of Haruka and barring the way. "I must say, I am in agreement with Kurosaki-san. You mustn't go there, Akiyama-san. I know what he means to you, but if he truly wants to come back, he will."

"He won't if something is keeping him from coming back." She urged.

"And again I must point out that if something is indeed endangering his life than it will surely endanger yours. Per his request and my own good conscience, I could not possibly allow you to go." He pressed his hand to her shoulder, the sheer strength of his grip a mild warning of what might happen if she fought him on this.

"Please, Urahara. I can't just abandon him. Is that what you would do if your friends were in danger?" She countered and he paused, his lips pulling down into a frown.

"Haruka, you don't even know where to start looking. Hueco Mundo is endless." Ichigo moved up behind her, pleading with whatever rational mind she had left.

And with a few simple words, that rationale was completely eradicated. "I'll go with her." A light hearted voice interjected, causing all three of them to focus on the green haired beauty.

"It's decided." Haruka pulled herself free from the two men and joined Nel at her side, fighting the nagging sensation of jealousy all the way.

"My, my. I see that nothing will convince you." Urahara mentioned while shrugging. He turned and began making his way back to the garganta.

"Wait, what!? That's it!? Urahara!" Ichigo shouted.

"Do tell Grimmjow I tried when you see him? You'll have to survive for another six months there before I will do this again, Akiyama-san. It does take quite a few resources to create something like this." Urahara called out.

"You should come to, Ichigo! I bet he would be so excited to see you again!" Nel yelled.

A sad smile pulled at Ichigo's lips. "I'll leave it to you two to bring him back here."

"Let's go." Haruka urged.

Nel nodded. "Ok."

"Good luck, Lady-sama!" Mimi cheered from Crey's side as he sobbed uncontrollably.

Right before leaping into the garganta, a strong fist enclosed around Haruka's forearm. She looked back at the shopkeeper that had strangely become one of her closest friends, "do come back to us, Akiyama-san." His stern expression held an underlying worry that Haruka could read effortlessly now. As carefree as he acted, he still couldn't hide the fact that he really did care about her wellbeing.

She nodded before wrapping her arms around his neck. He shifted slightly, taken off guard by the gesture. "I will." She pulled back and offered him a warm smile before turning towards Nel. "Ichigo, tell your dad I said sorry for leaving like this!"

"I will." He shouted back, but the words were swallowed by the enclosing darkness wrapping itself around Haruka and Nel.

"Take care of yourself, Haruka-chan." Urahara whispered as he watched the last of the portal dissipate. The girl that had dropped into his basement was now rushing back to the very place that nearly destroyed her. He hoped it wouldn't be a repeat of the past for her. How much more tragedy could one individual face before falling into the pit of darkness that was insanity? How much more was she going to be able to take?

The chorus of wailing from his two gigais forced him to refocus. "My, my; so much sadness. Come, I have chores for you to do to keep your minds occupied!" He announced cheerily while pulling his fan free.

"Urahara." Ichigo's serious tone pulled Urahara's attention, if only slightly.

"You need to focus on you, Kurosaki-san. Let me handle this." If Ichigo had a response, it went unnoticed as Urahara continued to move towards the steps to his shop.

Soon Ichigo followed; and then Mimi; and Crey; until all who was left was Tessai cleaning up the pillars and reverting everything back to its original state. Soon, he too exited and all that was left was a whisper of violet reishi settled on a single large stone under a giant empty thermos.


End file.
